Becoming Out
by messedupfruitsrotten
Summary: Gokudera's conflicted. He's different from Yamamoto who's dating Haru and he's not anything like Ryohei who's engaged to Hana. It squeezes Gokudera's heart painfully tight when he pictures Tsuna and Kyoko marrying. He's... -8059 1859 and many more-
1. I

**A/N: Okay, I'm not quite sure which pairings I'm going to go for in this fic, all I know is that I wanted to do a more serious thing about Gokudera being gay, because I love that idea. Not of him in any specific pairing, just the idea of him with a dude. xD I'm thinking a lot of one-sided loves and maybe some 1859 and some 8059? Then maybe a side story of Lambo and Fuuta that ties in somehow... I don't know yet. Also, I'm sitll working on my stories Madararui Mafia and A Different Kind of Mafia Family, so check those out too. Please Review :)**

**Btw, this takes place TYL.**

* * *

"That's the third omiai resulting in refusal."

"What do you think is wrong with all these girls?"

"Maybe he's just picky. I mean, they're all from families only right under the Vongola."

A group of girls gossiped as they stood around in one of the many Vongola bases, waiting for some sort of work to keep them occupied. Just then, a powerful aura brushed past them, making the hairs on the back of their neck stand and chills run down their spines. They looked down the hall to see that both the Vongola Tenth and the Storm Guardian had just walked by.

"Was that him?"

"Oh no, did he hear us?"

"He wouldn't have known we were talking about him."

Right before the mafia men could turn a corner in the long hall, Gokudera flashed the crowd of women a harsh look. They collectively gulped, muttering, "Scary…"

* * *

For a few moments, Tsuna said nothing. He was contemplating whether or not to mention the matters they had just discussed at an important meeting or to bring up what the women were whispering about. He eventually decided to go with the latter.

"They're right you know," Tsuna said seriously without looking his right-hand man in the eye.

"About what?" Gokudera replied calmly as they leisurely strode through the base, making their way to its exit.

"You being picky," Tsuna chuckled a bit while Gokudera scoffed. "Come on, all those women were perfectly fine. I thought you would like them."

"Why do you say that?"

"They were all from good families."

"There's more to it than that."

"I know. Well, it's not like any of them had bad personalities. They were nice, maybe a little humble or meek, but they kept conversation well and knew everything a housewife should," he laughed a little. "Maybe if I didn't have Kyoko I would've taken an interest in one of them!"

Gokudera sighed and looked to the ground. Tsuna stopped and laid a hand on his back. "Something wrong?"

"I would…" Gokudera said before biting his lip. He seethed with clenched fists then blurted out, "I would just rather not talk about these things with you, Boss." He gave Tsuna a worried expression and hurried off. "C-Come on, or we're gonna be late."

Tsuna gazed after his friend concernedly. "Hayato-kun…"

* * *

"I said it's over," Gokudera said quietly into his cell phone as he stood amongst dumpsters and piles of trash which must have looked strange considering he was on his way from headquarters and thus was dressed in an expensive suit. He was hiding in an alleyway, so that he could have his conversation privately. "If you show up at my place again, I'll move and change my phone number." He growled. "No! Just leave me alone!"

"Hm? Hayato?"

Gokudera stiffened and slowly peeked from behind one of the large trashcans to see Yamamoto standing in casual clothes with Haru's arm wrapped around his.

"Ya-Yamamoto…" Gokudera muttered slowly, shivering and the edge of his lips twitching.

"Ha ha, I told you that you can stop calling me that. Hey, who were you talking to?" Yamamoto asked with a smile.

"Uh…" Gokudera began, flipping the phone closed despite the proposals of love being screamed through it. "No one who matters. H-How are you?"

"Good," Yamamoto answered simply.

Gokudera nodded. "Great. That's great. And how are you doing, Haru?"

"Wonderful!" The odd woman beamed. "Takeshi and I were just heading to go have some ice cream. Wanna come along?"

Yamamoto's face brightened a bit, but returned to normal after Gokudera shouted, "No! How much of a strange woman do you have to be to invite someone to interrupt your date?"

Haru huffed, "But you're our friend, Hayato-kun! Come with us!"

Gokudera crossed his arms. "I couldn't even if I wanted to! I have to go home and change so that I can go... do some stuff."

"Oh~?"Haru sang curiously. "Like what?"

"None of your business!"

"Clubbing?" Yamamoto asked suddenly.

"Wh-What?" Gokudera's face flushed red and he fervently shook his head and waved his hands. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! No! The Vongola is too high class for me to ever disgrace our name by doing such a thing! Besides, it's too early for that."

"Oh, I see," Yamamoto said, rolling his eyes and looking away from his fellow guardian.

"Well," Haru said. "Good luck with whatever you're going to do, Hayato-kun!" Her and her boyfriend began walking off together. "See you later!"

"Bye…" He mumbled, his hand weakly waving at the two. He groaned as his cell phone buzzed in his pocket. With an angry grunt, he pulled out the device, threw it to the ground, and then stomped it to pieces furiously. "Go! Die! You! Bastard!"

* * *

The lights. The sweat. The vibrations of the pumping music. The alcohol. The hoots and hollers. The touching. The heat. The invitation. The night air. The car ride. The heat. The touching. The sweat and release. …It all went by so fast.

* * *

Gokudera leaned up and muttered something, fairly disoriented and disturbed by the light shining onto his eyes. He let out a loud yawn then stretched, smacking his lips together afterwards and scratching his side. He rubbed his temples while sighing and seething, glancing around at the unfamiliar room. It was dirty with beer cans littering the floor, two empty wine glasses lying on the kotastu along with one and a half empty wine bottles. The bed sheets and blankets were crumpled and sticky and several things appeared to be knocked over.

"Aw, fuck," Gokudera mumbled to himself.

Two manly arms wrapped around his waist while the unknown person next to him sleepily laughed, "No, not again, we did it so many times last night…"

Gokudera almost gagged after hearing this statement. He quickly yanked himself from the man's grip, grabbed his clothes, threw them on, and left.

As he hurriedly attempted to walk to his own apartment, or at least, tried to figure out where that was, he stuck a cigarette into his mouth and lit it. He took a long drag then blew out a thin line of smoke. "Damn it," he cursed. "Damn it. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."

* * *

"Where are you?" Tsuna said into his cell phone while peeking out his car window and looking around. "That's really far. What were you all the way out there for? … Really? I've never heard of that… If you say so. Well, I should be there, in that area, in an hour or so. Call me then and you can just tell me where exactly you're at, okay? … It's no problem… Alright. Bye."

* * *

Gokudera slammed the pay phone back onto its receiver.

"Aw, man." He hissed as he threw his head back, and plopped onto a bench in the middle of an unfamiliar town, dressed in a loose white tank top and ripped jeans. His hair was pulled back and chains dangled from his pants while a studded belt curled around his waist. He looked much like how he had in his younger days. Looking back on his previous style, he had always told himself that he regretted his demeaning delinquent appearance, saying that he had been humiliating the Vongola by dressing like a two-bit punk. Now, here he was dolled up in that same fashion and Tsuna was about to see it. He almost wanted to pick up the phone and tell his Boss to forget it and that he would just find the nearby library, look up how to get home, and walk, but feared many things. Like Tsuna getting mad since he was already on his way or there not being a library anywhere near him, so he just slumped into his seat and heaved a heavy sigh.

"There you are!" A vaguely recognizable voice called out.

Gokudera raised an eyebrow as turned to see a tall man with a goatee, several piercings and black pants and shirt. He tilted his head. Who…? Oh shit.

"When I realized you were gone, I went looking for you since I knew you weren't from around here and might need help getting home," the man said with a bright smile.

This guy was surprisingly nice despite the fact that he looked pretty intimidating. Gokudera looked him up and down. So, these were the types his drunk self was into was the thought that ran through his mind. He was confident that his sober self would have chosen someone more dignified rather than a sloppy villain. He did have to admit though, the man's body was muscular, and firm, and his face wasn't half-bad, in fact, more like nearly perfectly sculptured… okay so, his drunk self had pretty good tastes, but just because the man was attractive didn't give his drunk self the right to be slutty and have another intoxicated one night stand.

"Sorry, but I already have a friend picking me up," Gokudera retorted. He begged all the gods he could think of that this would make the man say, "_Oh, guess I'll go then,_" or anything of the like. His prayers were not answered.

"Oh, guess I'll wait with you then," the man said, sitting down and putting one arm across Gokudera's shoulders.

No. Gokudera thought. Hell. No. He would definitely not be seen like that by Tsuna. He pushed the man's arm away.

"Dude. Just go. Seriously," Gokudera insisted.

The man frowned, "Hey, I was trying to be nice, you know."

"Cool. I get that. But right now, it'd be _nice_ if you _left_."

"You're more of a bitch than I thought."

Gokudera scowled at the man and was about to snap something back at him, but the man silenced him with a kiss. The man then pulled back from the stunned Gokudera and slipped a piece of paper into his pocket. "But that's kind of kinky. You were pretty good. Call me," then the man jogged off.

Gokudera shook with fury. He snatched the paper out of his pocket and tore it to bits and pieces. Wheezing after he was finished. "What a bastard! Just like all the rest!" He stamped on the ripped pieces of paper. "Only one person would be good for me, huh…?"

He was reminded of all the nights when the strangers were familiar and each of them turned into _him_, the one he truly wanted. Suddenly _he_ would have a mohawk or a tattoo in between _his_ shoulder blades. Sometimes _he_'d have a violent personality out of nowhere and addiction to alcohol, that's when he'd have to leave _him_, but Gokudera would never let _him_ know that these things happened. He was scared to death that _he_ would ever find out.

For about 45 minutes, Gokudera sat there, thinking of _him_ and that woman and unrequited love and the fairness of the world. He managed to go through three cigarettes and all of the dreams that he could remember from the past month or two. Some girls passed by showing an interest in him. They had dyed hair and piercings. They wore boots that increased their height by several inches and heavy duty make-up that was a mixture of black and bright colors. He looked at them which made them giggle, then spit his cigarette butt out at them which made them scoff and scurry away.

He glanced down at his watch. He decided he would call Tsuna now and stood, stretching away 45 minutes worth of laziness.

"Tenth?" he said into the phone.

"I'm almost there," Tsuna replied, pep in his voice. "Tell me where you are."

Gokudera looked to the closest sign then said, "Outside Suzu's… Sex Shop. Well, that's awkward…"

Tsuna could only laugh.

* * *

"What's love like?" Lambo asked, leaning his back against Gokudera's kitchen counter.

"You've never been in love?" Gokudera replied, chopping up tomatoes.

"I don't know," The fifteen year-old answered honestly. "Could you tell me if I have?"

"Let's find out," Gokudera said, as he pre-heated the boiler. He grabbed some eggs and a bowl.

"I think I was," Lambo said, grabbing at his gut. "I really cared about them and smiled a lot when they were around."

"You're a teenager, it's probably a sex thing," Gokudera said, breaking the eggs then beating them with a fork.

"Goodness, you would've said that no matter what," Lambo griped, scrunching his face up in irritation.

"Bingo," Gokudera chuckled as he added cheese to the eggs.

"What are you making?" Lambo asked.

"Asparagus Frittata and some stuffed tomatoes."

"What's going into the tomatoes?"

"What do you want?"

"What do you have?"

"Bread crumbs, capers and pine nuts, or tuna, red onions, and beans."

"Hmm… tuna, red onions, and beans!"

"Good, because I've already drained the beans and prepared the saucepan."

Lambo snickered at this and watched as Gokudera busily worked towards their Italian meal. He wanted to ask more questions, but was scared.

"Are you lonely?" Too heavy to stay in place, the question slipped off Lambo's tongue.

The silence answered for the silver-haired man.

* * *

Kyoko, Haru, Hana, and Bianchi always made sure to have a girls' night out, at the very least, once a month. Sometimes I-Pin tagged along but that was according to where the group went and how much work she had to do. Every now and then, maybe about three or five times a year, they coaxed Gokudera into coming along since he often looked especially bored or stressed and they all wanted to drink even a little, so he would occasionally be their designated driver. He also was the only guy who wouldn't bother them so much. Whether it was shopping or karaoke, he'd usually be in his own little world.

"Are Bianchi and Hana drunk again?" Gokudera asked with his hand on the wheel.

In the back of the Lamborghini, Bianchi and Hana were slurring a traditional Japanese song that Hana had clearly memorized better that Bianchi who stuttered and paused a lot. All the while, Haru died of laughter from their ridiculousness.

"No, I think Hana's just a bit tipsy, but Haru seems pretty out of it," Kyoko said from the passenger's seat with a red face and half-lidded eyes. "I'm tired."

"Did you girls have fun?" Gokudera asked.

"Tons,"

"That's good. Who's place am I dropping you off at?"

"Hmm, I wanna go home, but the others are going to Haru's apartment…"

"Hey… don't fall asleep on me…"

* * *

Bianchi thrust a fist into the air then shouted, "Now time for L'Inno di Mameli!" She then began to sing once again, "Stringiamci a coorte, siam pronti alla morte-!"

"That's enough of that," Gokudera interrupted, stopping the car outside of Haru's place.

Haru waved as she slid out the car. "Thanks for the ride, Hayato-kun! Bye, Kyo-"

"Shh!" Gokudera hushed. "She's sleeping."

"Oh," Haru lowered her voice. "Goodnight, Kyoko-chan."

Bianchi and Hana then stumbled out the car, bellowing, "Siam pronti alla morte," though Hana pronounced some words wrong and her tune was off.

Gokudera sighed then laid his head on top of the steering wheel for a moment of peace.

"Ah, I want to sleep too," he groaned.

"Then just take me back to your place, Gokudera-kun," Kyoko murmured sleepily.

Gokudera remembered waking this morning to a mysterious warmth wrapped around his hips and lying across his legs. He remembered speaking to a man and telling him he can stay there for a while. Had the man stolen something? Had he left? Gokudera didn't want to take any chances. He drove Kyoko to her apartment then went to his own where he found a man snoozing on his couch. He sighed.

* * *

Tsuna didn't know him. When he asked Ryohei and Yamamoto, they said they did know him either.

"Who is he?" Yamamoto asked while stopping by Gokudera's personal space. It had a desk with a plaque that read, "Gokudera Hayato – Storm Guardian - Second In Command." There was also a bookcase, two chairs, a rug, and a TV in the corner. It was often on the news.

"A friend," Gokudera said. The man was actually a lover named Jo. He was staying at Gokudera's apartment for a few weeks. He was messy and Gokudera often cleaned up after him and the man often disappeared, but he was very intimate and loving towards Gokudera when he was around. Jo was tall with long hair he usually kept in a ponytail and many piercings. He claimed to have a band, but Gokudera hadn't heard them play. Jo was the bassist.

"How long will he live with you?" Yamamoto asked.

Gokudera shrugged. "A while maybe?" To him, it was hopefully.

"I think we'd all like to meet him,"

"He's not the kind of guy you all will like,"

"You don't know that,"

"I'm trying to watch the news."

"Sorry…"

* * *

Jo wore a dirty T-shirt and tattered jeans to the get together despite Gokudera being against it. It was a small Vongola party that was celebrating a cooking competition Bianchi had won. She only won the competition because all the other contestants had peculiarly become sick. She made all the food for the party, so, naturally, no one ate.

"This is Jo," Gokudera said lazily before taking a drag of his cigarette.

"Heya," Jo said, holding up a hand in a sluggish form of a wave. If the others had known that they were a couple, they would have thought, '_What a lethargic pair_,' but they didn't so they thought, '_I don't really like Jo_.' Yamamoto especially disliked him.

As the evening went on the family got to know Jo a little better. Sort of.

"So, Jo, like any Sports?"

"Like Baseball?"

"Or Boxing?"

"Not really."

"Oh…"

"Like any music?"

"Mostly Rock."

"Hayato tells us you're in a band?"

"Yeah."

"What's that like?"

"It's cool, I guess."

"Do you have a day job?"

"Not really."

"Did Hayato tell you what he does?" Yamamoto asked, eyes casted to the floor. This made Ryohei almost spit up his drink and Tsuna nudge Yamamoto as though saying, "_Bad, Takeshi, bad!_"

Jo merely glanced at Gokudera who was chatting with Fuuta and Mochida.

"You're not much of a talker, are you?" Tsuna said, hoping to distract Jo from the previous question.

To reply to this, Jo only raised an eyebrow, then looked to the ground and shook his head. When bored of being interrogated by Ryohei, Tsuna, and Yamamoto, Jo went to Gokudera and whispered something to him. Gokudera whispered something back which caused Jo to whisper again. Gokudera's response was more harsh the second time, it was more hissed. Jo then walked outside where he met the Cloud Guardian.

"Who are you?"

"Name's Jo."

"I see."

"Who are you?"

"I don't need to tell you."

"Why're you out here?"

"I also don't need to tell you that."

Hibari didn't like Jo either.

* * *

"What did you say to him?" Gokudera roared at Yamamoto who was working out in the Vongola headquarters' gym.

Yamamoto slowed the treadmill down by a bit.

"What?" he barked back.

"After talking to you guys at the party, Jo said he wanted to talk, we got in a fight, and he left."

"How do you know it was me who did anything?"

"I know the Tenth wouldn't and I already talked to stupid Lawn Head."

Yamamoto sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Well," he muttered. "I _did_ ask if you told him what you do for a living."

"_Why_ would you do that?"

"I don't know, the guy's living with you, shouldn't he know?" The question came out as a laugh, but Gokudera didn't see it as funny as Yamamoto did. After realizing how straight-faced Gokudera was, Yamamoto cleared his throat and chuckled awkwardly. "At least now you have your apartment to yourself again?"

* * *

First, Yamamoto passed by as a blur, sweat wildly dripping off him and leg muscles expanding and contracting like mad.

In his personal office, Ryohei blinked at this sight from behind his laptop, then shouted, "Yeah! Go, Yamamoto! **Extreme** training!"

Next, Ryohei could hear, "Go, Uri!" then see a large yellow cat with red flames surrounding it zooming down the hallway with Gokudera not too far behind.

After all this went by, Ryohei bellowed, "Alright! Me too!" and rushed out with Kangaryuu.

* * *

Gokudera convinced Jo to come back. Jo wanted to know where Gokudera worked. After a few days, Gokudera told him. Jo left behind a note that said,

"_Sorry, but I can't go back to jail. Don't worry I won't tell anyone so don't hunt me down and kill me. Goodbye._"

Gokudera fully acknowledged how hard dating is for a Mafioso.

* * *

Tsuna straightened up a stack of papers then switched from his business self to his casual self.

"Hayato's been different lately, huh?" he said.

Yamamoto nodded. He felt guilty.

"I think I'll talk to him." Tsuna told Yamamoto as though reassuring him of something. "Oh yeah, I just remembered," He pat Yamamoto's back. "Haru called earlier, but you were busy."

Yamamoto knew he should have cared more about it than he did, but the girl was fading in his eyes.

* * *

Gokudera laid in bed and looked to the ceiling. The artists called him the troubled beauty. The punks called him a bitch. The intellectuals called him confused boy. A boy? A _boy_? That's probably why he preferred the punks. He wasn't some damsel in distress or a hormone-raged complicated adolescent. He was just a man conflicted and pissed off at the world. A bitch was a vulgar, but true way to describe it. His competition called him a slut. Said that it was only because that he had a moderately nice body that any guy would go for him. They called him a whore. They said that he was a suffering thug who was so self-centered that he thought his manliness was threatened because he liked it in the ass. They were nasty. He didn't hate them or pity them, he just took their insults as creative criticism.

* * *

The tears weren't forced. They fell slowly and calmly, not like they would in a sloppy cry.

"I have to tell you," he said to Tsuna. "I have to tell you." He bent over in his seat in front of Tsuna's desk, putting his elbows on his knees and face in his hands. "I have to let you know, Tenth. I hate lying to you. I **_have_** to tell you."

The door was shut, locked tight, and Tsuna only sat in his armchair with a solemn face, sadly watching his right-hand man.

"Tenth, I'm not like you guys.

I'm not like you who has Kyoko

I'm not like Ryohei who has Hana

I'm not like Yamamoto who has Haru,

Tenth,

I'm…


	2. Want

Gokudera loved when Lambo would come over for dinner. He loved making Italian foods, but way more than that he loved eating his own Italian meals. He loved having Lambo's company because of the boy's refreshingly mild innocence and it felt like having a little brother. Lambo could be very annoying (very, _**very**_ annoying), but he cared about the Lightning Guardian, constantly reminding him to train everyday and to get good grades.

Tsuna's Maman and Papa had moved to Italy, so Lambo lived in an apartment by himself, but very close to Gokudera, Yamamoto, and Haru. All of their places were within walking distance, Haru's being the closest and Yamamoto's the farthest. They wouldn't have let him live on his own if a few adults weren't that close. Lambo sucked at cooking so he rarely ate his own place. Haru was the best cook in regard to Japanese food. When Lambo requested for an Italian meal, the result was commonly disastrous. Yamamoto could only make sushi well and he ordered out often, so Lambo only went there when he was in the mood for free delivery. Gokudera however knew how to cook Italian and Japanese, he didn't do either with exceptional skill, but it was better than burnt trenette topped with half-assed pesto or greasy take-out.

Their conversations were always interesting too. Lambo told Gokudera a lot about his life. Most of it was teenager angst and complaints, but some of it was too profound for Gokudera to believe that the words came out Lambo's mouth, but most the time it was just the complaint thing.

"And everyone knows he's jealous of me because he's stupid and poor," Lambo whined while using his utensil to play with his Occhi di Lupo.

"Kick his ass," Gokudera said simply before eating some pasta.

"Can't. Boss said no fighting at school, remember?"

"Well, what's the kid say about you?"

Lambo gulped and looked to the floor with red cheeks. "Uh, it's stupid really…"

Gokudera shrugged. "Of course it is, he's teasing you."

"He's just…" Lambo heaved a sigh. "He's trying to start a rumor that I'm something I'm not…"

* * *

"I think you should tell the others, Hayato."

"What'll that do?"

"Lift a weight off your shoulders."

"It's not like it matters."

"Then what are you going to do?"

"They'll figure it out eventually, Tenth. I just won't hide it anymore."

"Alright, whatever you say…"

* * *

Gokudera often offers Lambo to come live with him, but Lambo always declines since he likes inviting Fuuta and others over to his own apartment, but Gokudera liked the idea of Lambo waking him up in the morning and begging for breakfast. He liked the idea of coming home and there being someone lazing around on his couch. He felt maybe it wouldn't be so empty if there was person he could scold when they left their clothes on the bathroom floor. Just someone _there_.

* * *

Haru laid on Yamamoto's bed, cold if not for the blanket engulfing her. Her eyes were half-lidded as she sat up.

"Takeshi," she said. Morning light shone in through the window onto Yamamoto's unclothed figure standing in front of it. This casted a shadow on the bed. Yamamoto turned around and looked Haru in the eyes.

"Haru, are you in love with me?"

"Yes, I love you, Takeshi."

"That's not what I asked."

The man then strode out the room in a cold silence, leaving the heartbroken girl to sob to herself and him to scold his own curse.

* * *

"What's this?" Hibari asked as he sat at the table with his arms crossed and one foot on his knee. He looked down at the plate in front of him, scowling.

"Fusilli with Garden Vegetables and Tarragon. It's Italian," Gokudera said, taking his seat after having served his guest.

Hibari picked up his fork, which he hated since he had a preference for Japanese meals, and pushed the pasta around.

"Where's the meat?" He hissed.

"There isn't any. It's a vegetarian dish," Gokudera replied before taking a bite of his food.

Hibari pushed the plate away.

"I won't eat until you put meat in it," Hibari said, raising his nose into the air.

"Dammit, Hibari, I'm not going to cook some meat just because you want to be picky."

"I already told you that you can call me Kyoya."

"All I want to call you right now is asshole."

Hibari raised an eyebrow.

"So, this is how you treat guests?" He asked as he swatted his plate to the floor. "Serve them shitty food and then slander them?"

"No, this is how I treat dickheads."

Next thing he knew, Gokudera was pushed out his own apartment with the door slammed and locked in his face.

"Hibari!" He roared. "You motherfucker! You always do this! Open the door, you fuckin' creep!"

When there was no reply, Gokudera grabbed a nearby pebble and threw it out the door, glaring at the barrier as though hoping the hatred in his look would somehow reach Hibari.

"Asshole!" He screamed one more time before storming off. He was in his car when he heard the crack of thunder and saw the first droplet of rain plop onto his window. He tried to start the car, but it would only purr then die each time. After cursing loudly, he slammed his hands onto the steering wheel.

"You'd better answer," he growled as he dialed his own house number into his cell phone.

"Hello?" Hibari asked as he picked up the home phone.

"Hibari, let me back in my own damned apartment."

"Unless I hear, 'Kyoya, I'm sorry,' I hear nothing."

"Fuck you, you—"

Then the line went dead.

* * *

A soaking wet Gokudera wasn't the first thing Yamamoto expected to find when he opened the door. He thought that Haru would be standing there whining about how she didn't want to leave during the storm, asking if she could stay just until it cleared up. But no, there the slender silver-haired man was, shivering and pissed, staring at Yamamoto who was holding a warm blanket.

"Oh, I was expecting Haru. I didn't—"

"Can I stay here a night?" Gokudera asked, letting himself in.

"Uh, I guess," Yamamoto closed the door behind his uninvited guest, letting the man snatch up the blanket.

Gokudera spread the cover over himself as he laid onto Yamamoto's couch.

"Thanks, man," was all he said afterward.

Yamamoto slowly approached the clearly frustrated Gokudera with a look of uneasiness dominating his features.

"So, uh," he began. "Mind telling me why you're here? And wet?"

"Hibari was being a jerk. And it's raining. Obviously."

Legs crossed and on the floor, Yamamoto sat, looking Gokudera straight in the face. He noted how his friend had reverted back to immature days of being a defiant smart-aleck.

"Hibari?"

"Yeah, he wanted to come over, so he did. Then he wanted dinner, so I made him some. Then he wanted to kick me out 'cause I didn't make him what he wanted, so I'm here." Gokudera scoffed. "Funny how that happens, huh?"

"Sounds like you didn't even fight back."

"I didn't-? What? I…" Gokudera felt his breath catch in his throat as he imagined what would've happened if he did oppose Hibari. "I…"

"It's okay," Yamamoto said, laying a hand on Gokudera's cheek. "Rest here."

* * *

The loud banging in the middle of the night first awoke Gokudera who was sleeping peacefully nearby on the couch. He didn't feel right about answering Yamamoto's door despite badly wanting to tell the person behind it to chill out with their knocking. He then debated in his head whether or not wake Yamamoto up in the middle of the night after all his hospitality. He was then slightly relieved when the half naked man came staggering out of his room to lazily open the door.

"What is i—?" Yamamoto asked only to be pushed out the way.

"Where is he?" Hibari growled before spotting Gokudera on the couch and pulling the man up by the collar. "Come on." He said, dragging Gokudera to the door.

"No!" Gokudera shouted as he clawed at Hibari's grip. "Stop it!"

"Hey, man, what are you doing?" Yamamoto said. The commotion awakened him to the point where he was only mildly aware of the situation and what was being said.

"Let go!" Gokudera yelled, but Hibari ignored this command and pointed at Yamamoto.

"You stay away from him, got it?" He snarled, turning his back on the apartment and storming off with Gokudera in tow.

Half stunned by Hibari's threat and half asleep, it took Yamamoto some time to jog after them, eyes barely open. But hearing the rumble of a car engine told him was too late.

* * *

Gokudera hated him. He loved him. Couldn't get enough of that man's torturous pleasure. Like a drug pulling apart his sanity, both killing and satiating. He hated it. He loved it.

* * *

"Are you seeing anybody?" A man whispered into Gokudera's ear.

Somehow, he was becoming sober again. He was re-learning how to stand and speak correctly. He was remembering proper judgment and how disgusting it was to have a stranger's hands in his pants. He was mesmerized by the lights and pulsating bodies beneath them then disturbed by the nip on his neck by the gorgeous yet unfamiliar man beside him. He took a sip whatever it was in the cup he was holding. It didn't matter as long as it made him slur words, stumble, and forget Hibari.

"No," he answered before engaging in a sloppy, drunk kiss.

* * *

"Can I come over tonight?" Lambo asked Gokudera as they wandered around the Vongola base, looking for something to do.

Gokudera thought for a few seconds then shrugged. "Sure, why not?"

"Awesome," Lambo said while peeking into a random door. He was then shooed out by a group of women. "Hey," he said, turning his attention back to Gokudera. "Make something Japanese tonight."

"I can't really, broken rice cooker."

"Oh. Well, then, let's invite Yamamoto over and he can bring his."

"That wouldn't work. Why don't you just go over to Yamamoto's?"

"Because I want to hang out with you."

Gokudera glanced down at Lambo who blinked up at him with longing eyes and felt a pang in his heart.

He chuckled. "You always want to hang out with me."

"Nuh-uh," Lambo insisted. He poked his head into Tsuna's office as they passed by and waved at the busy man sitting at the large desk. Tsuna didn't even notice. He continued past the room alongside Gokudera. "Sometimes," he said sadly, "I want to hang with the others, but you're the only one there—"

At first this sent a pain through Gokudera, but then Lambo added more.

"—But I like that now. I prefer Gokudera-shi to the ones who never have time for me."

_It's moments like this_, Gokudera thought, _when I wonder if I can really tell any of them_.

* * *

"You can tell them, Tenth."

"It's not my place. You need to say it."

"Who then? Who do you want me to tell?"

"Yamamoto, Ryohei, Haru, Kyoko, everyone who cares about you, Hayato!"

"I can't help but be afraid that they won't care about me after I do…!"

* * *

Love wasn't something that occurred to Hibari, but he could feel the cusps of it pushing into his emotions. He was almost ready to get to know love and he knew it. That's what made him hate Gokudera and force himself near the man. That's what made him fight with Gokudera at every chance. He thought maybe he could fight the love away.

* * *

"You're always having him over," Hibari complained through the phone while waiting around in an airport. He was travelling to Italy to check on the base there. After that, he would head to a few more countries in the area to settle some issues with Russian and Albanian mafia groups. "You have that brat over more than me."

"He's more grateful than you for one," Gokudera spat back while watching through a window as Kyoko stirred something in a pot. He invited her over to make food for Lambo with her rice cooker. She could only stay long enough to cook and eat a bit, but then she had to join Tsuna to help him pack for their trip tomorrow. It was a short vacation for the two them and Gokudera would be looking after the base in Tsuna's absence. "And two, he can't cook for himself."

"That's pathetic, teach him so he won't be over so much."

"He'd be a horrible student plus I like the company."

"I don't care, he should learn to cook anyway."

"True, I guess I should have him over every night from now on until he's a culinary master."

"How about he can have you during the afternoon, but by evening I want you."

"Pervert."

"Then it's settled."

Gokudera stared down the phone, listening to its monotonous dial tone, and questioning the nature of the burning in his stomach.

* * *

Ryohei's laugh echoed through the strong underground building.

"Seems like everyone's leaving!" He gave both Gokudera and Yamamoto powerful smacks on the back. "Keep this place **extremely** secure while I'm away!"

The loud man then sprinted out as boisterous and overt as always.

He was off to join Hibari in Italy before heading to China and India for self-training.

Yamamoto snickered a bit. "Ah, he'll always be the same Ryohei senpai in my eyes!"

Gokudera smiled sadly.

"But we've all grown up considerably," he said, looking Yamamoto directly in the eyes. "Don't you think?"

Yamamoto swallowed hard, hearing his own heartbeat in his ears. Since when did Gokudera look so good? He had become more beautiful than handsome like a weeping angel*.

"Yes," Yamamoto answered slowly, gazing into the emeralds that were trying to read his very thoughts. He didn't mind either, if they would have asked for his soul, he would have eagerly provided it and if they asked for his love—

Face flushed, Yamamoto turned his eyes from Gokudera's then set off to return to work.

Gokudera stared after him feeling as though something significant had just taken place.

* * *

He laughed as the man told him clever jokes in the corner of the club. He smiled when they stepped into a nice restaurant, Italian. He let out husky, heavy breaths as fingers made their way over his body, heating it at its center then the warmth spread throughout like waves of disease. He moaned as the man spoke into his ear and entered him. Entered him, his life, his thoughts. He gave everything just as he did many times.

* * *

"Who's this guy?" Lambo asked as he searched through pictures on Gokudera's phone.

Gokudera leaned over to look at the photo then said, "Yuu."

They were strolling the streets, buying things if they saw an item they liked and eating snacks.

"A subordinate? A target? A friend?"

"My current boyfriend," Gokudera answered as though it was easy, though it was the hardest thing in the world. The words almost got choked up in his throat.

"Oh," was all Lambo said before scrolling through the pictures again. He stopped at a photo of blackness. "What's this?"

Gokudera scratched his head. "The phone must've accidentally taken that while in my pocket…"

Lambo threw his head back in laughter.

* * *

He almost wanted to brag. The man was perfect. A dazzling face and steaming body while still being intelligent and smooth. He was the member of a small yakuza group that knew of Vongola. He liked to play classical music which Gokudera hated, but he could live with that small flaw if he continued to give him cute pecks on the cheek and calling him ridiculous pet names that made them both laugh.

* * *

What Gokudera didn't know was how much this small yakuza group could grow from having connections to the Vongola.

* * *

"Why can't Lambo come over to your house?" Yamamoto asked.

"Yuu will be there tonight," Gokudera said, gaze focused on the ground.

"Who?"

Gokudera gulped, trembling. "He's…"

* * *

This time the heartbeat in Yamamoto's ears was different. Before it was sweet, he felt painfully indulgent in its delicious rhythm, but now it rocked his stomach making him feel as if he would vomit.

* * *

"You looked shocked, are you okay?" Gokudera asked, waving a hand in front of his friend.

Yamamoto slapped the hand away, slamming his palm onto a nearby desk. Whose office were they in? He couldn't even remember. Why did he feel angry? He hardly even knew.

"Your _what_?" He shouted.

"I'm dating a man."

"You're gay?"

"Yes."

Yamamoto's eyes went blank for a second then he let out a sick chuckle that almost resembled a wtich's cackle.

"It all makes sense now," he said. "The omiai failures, those guys, your 'friends,' that one, what was his name? Bo or whatever. It all makes sense, everything."

"Are you disgusted?" Not once during all this did Gokudera's face appear angry or frightened or anything, just vacant.

"No, just…" Yamamoto rubbed his temples. "Why didn't you ever say it?"

"I was afraid, I think."

"Am I the first to know?"

"No."

Another surge of hurt rushed through the taller man. He stared at the emeralds once again, the ones that asked for so much of him and he still found himself willing to supply.

* * *

After that Gokudera told Yamamoto that he was trying to tell everyone because Tsuna told him it was best. Yamamoto let the silver-haired man rant, he let Gokudera pour out all that he wanted to unknowing that the Storm Guardian chose to keep back the parts about the blood and the sex and Hibari and everything that actually mattered. Yet somehow, still after going on and on, Gokudera felt better about releasing some of his problems to Yamamoto and Yamamoto felt glad that they might've just gotten a bit closer.

* * *

Of course Gokudera made love with Yuu that night. He had sex with Yuu more often than he did with other lovers because he was beginning to smile, beginning to believe that this was real love and achieving happiness was possible. There were moments when he was with Yuu when he completely forgot that he had ever had his heart broken. He couldn't recall finding out that Kyoko returned Tsuna's feelings. He couldn't even remember how he got the red ring of skin around his wrist that was the size of a man's hand nor could he piece together the words Hibari threw at him when irritable. All that would be on his mind was how lucky he was to find this man.

* * *

But that's somewhat how deceit works.

* * *

Problems in Italy. Hibari called Yamamoto. Business first. Then Found out about Yuu. Called Gokudera.

* * *

**A/N: *Doctor Who, anyone?**


	3. Perché Siam Divisi

"But why?" Gokudera asked Yamamoto as they watched Lambo take inventory in the first artillery vault. They had become accustomed to ignoring his whines and pleads to finish later. "You and Haru were getting along so well."

Yamamoto shrugged. "I guess we're just not sure what we want right now. It's not actually breaking up, it's just a break."

"Sounds like the same thing to me."

Yamamoto opened his mouth to protest, but then slowly closed it in thought.

"I don't think it is," he said weakly before Gokudera shouted for Lambo to hurry up in Italian and the boy replied with a curse.

* * *

Bianchi and Hana coolly flipped through a magazine as Haru and Gokudera conversed. I-Pin soon returned to the table with drinks in hand. She distributed the coffees and lattes before sitting down next Haru and asking what they were talking about.

"Hayato's gay, I-Pin-chan, isn't that great?" Haru said, eyes alight.

I-Pin giggled. "Haru-san, isn't the fact that he came out greater than the fact that he is?"

Haru pouted a bit. "That's true, but still…"

"I'm honestly not shocked at all," Bianchi said without looking up from the magazine. "I actually feel like —oh, that outfit's lovely, I'd look like an idol— how could one not tell?"

"I think it's cool you came out an' all, Hayato," Hana said as she flipped a page. "I just feel like we should be slightly offended that it took so long for you to tell us?" She looked to Bianchi for reassurance.

Bianchi shrugged then circled a snakeskin jacket with a marker.

"I want this, you should get it for me, Hana."

Hana laughed. "Only if you buy me these shoes. They're the perfect mixture of sexy and professional, aren't they?"

Haru scoffed and waved a hand at them. "Oh, ignore those two, Hayato-chan, they don't care about anyone but themselves. I'm so happy for you!"

I-Pin pat Gokudera on the shoulder. "Yes, congratulations!"

Gokudera could only passively sip on his latte as the girls chatted about famous gay men and buying accessories for their future idol-like outfits. When given the opportunity to jump into the conversation, he didn't take it. Given the chance to leave, he continued to sit among the women and listen to their idle prattling.

* * *

"How are things going with that bully?" Gokudera asked after hanging up the phone. Today, they decided to order out.

Lambo swallowed and forced the lie out like a cough. "Better."

"That's good. You must've told him off or something, right?" Gokudera asked, taking a seat next to Lambo on the couch and flipping through the channels.

"Sort of," Lambo said. "Hey, how are things going with, uh, what's-his-face?"

"Yuu?"

"Yeah, him."

"Fine." It took everything in Gokudera's power not to mention how incredibly well the relationship was going for fear that he would freak Lambo out.

"Goodness, just fine?" Lambo asked. "Boring. Come on, there must be more to it than that."

Gokudera bit his lip then came to the conclusion that Lambo asked for it.

"Yuu is perfect, amazing," Gokudera said. "He's attractive and nice and smart and rich and completely cool since we're both in the mafia. He's classy and badass and despite his horrid music taste and inability to appreciate Italian cuisine, he's amazing." He breathed out, relieved that he had revealed to someone the perfection of his current lover.

"He sounds cool," Lambo said. "We should all meet him."

"Nope," Gokudera said as he left the television onto a strange game show. "No way, that's never happening ever again."

"B-But we're a family, we have a right to meet him!"

"Who do you think you're talking high and mighty to, you brat?"

Lambo then began to laugh as Gokudera jokingly attempted at choking him.

* * *

The room was dark and cozy, something that Gokudera relished because of its rarity. His room was pleasant with more than one occupant, so that even when the canvas was black, it was painted warmly. The strong arms around his shoulders squeezed him close to a tight body.

"Hey," Yuu said.

"Hm?" Gokudera hummed, half asleep, body giving way to the atmosphere of the aftermath.

"Could I meet with your boss sometime?"

"Huh…? Why…?"

"We were thinking of a merger, Vongola would make a nice ally."

"Uh, sure, I'll see what I can do, but he's outta town right now…"

"It's okay, I can wait." Yuu planted a quick kiss on Gokudera's forehead then waited until the man was asleep to slip out of bed and out the door.

* * *

Gokudera hastily signed the paper before marching out of his office and down the hall. Yamamoto was passing by when he grabbed onto the other man's arm.

"Hey, hey," he said. "Where are you going in such a hurry?"

"There's some work that has to be done in the streets, but first I need to wrap up stuff here so that everything'll be ready for the Tenth's return tomorrow. There are a few deals to be made and several small bouts to settle. And I need to get all this finished soon if I want to have time go out tonight."

"Whoa," Yamamoto laughed, smoothly pulling the papers from Gokudera. "Sounds busy. How about I take over everything here and you go on and finish the stuff on the streets so you'll have time for yourself later, huh?"

Gokudera blinked up at Yamamoto then down at his empty hands.

"Um," He stuttered. "I… I guess that's okay. Well… thank you…"

"No problem," Yamamoto sauntered off, waving a hand at Gokudera. "See you!"

Gokudera still felt surprisingly free, half-heartedly waving back at Yamamoto.

* * *

While Yamamoto sorted through papers of loans the Vongola had given, Gokudera got two rivaling yakuza to sign treaties. They had been causing some civilian causalities the Vongola disapproved of.

While Yamamoto took up reports from his personal gang of subordinates, Gokudera was making loan offers to a young vigilante group that could prove to later be useful allies. He wouldn't make anything official until Tsuna returned of course.

While Yamamoto got a call from Hibari reporting the status of the issues in Italy, Gokudera was saying cheers with Yuu and laughing in the man's arms.

It was during that time when Yamamoto's tongue slipped.

* * *

"What is wrong with you?" Gokudera snapped immediately after answering his cell phone. "What's so important that you had to call and text so much?"

"Who the hell is Yuu?" Hibari said in surprisingly calm manner.

"The guy I'm dating. What's it to you?"

"You always pull this kind of thing while I'm away. You think that if I'm gone for five seconds you can fuck whoever you want?"

"Who calls someone to talk to them like this? Listen, you are not my parent, my husband, or shit to me. Leave. Me. Alone."

"It's okay," Hibari replied with a shrug. "You'll be reminded who you belong to when I get back."

He then hung up and Gokudera thought that for once, he wanted to hang up on Hibari.

* * *

The welcome came out as clamorous boom as Tsuna stepped back into the base, stretching. The subordinates stood in single file lines on either side of the entrance hall, bowing with grins on their faces.

Tsuna smiled and clapped then said, "Thank you, everyone! Now let's get back to work!"

The group cheered, throwing their hands into the air.

* * *

"So, will you talk with them?"

"I don't know, Hayato, if I have time. There's just a lot going on."

"I know. We got a lot of work done while you were gone."

"I see. But there's still so much…"

"I understand and I'm sure he will too."

* * *

Yuu slammed his fist onto the coffee table in Gokudera's sitting room while his other hand held his lit cigarette.

"I waited for a week and a half while he was gone and now I'll have to wait for who knows how long?" He shouted.

"I'm sorry, Vongola is busy right now." Gokudera called out from the kitchen while turning the stove on.

"I get that, but my boss won't." Yuu groaned, leaning back onto the couch. "He's going to know that the Vongola is just too proud to pay attention to a small group like us."

"That is not the case!" Gokudera hollered, stopping in the middle of chopping vegetables. "And if I hear you say anything like that again, I'll tell you to leave."

"It won't come to that," Yuu said, standing and storming out the door after leaving his finished cigarette in Gokudera's overflowing ashtray.

"Wait!" Gokudera said, running after him. "Wait! I didn't mean…" He sighed as he watched the man's figure disappear into the distance.

* * *

When Yuu returned to his own less luxurious but still lavish apartment, he noticed that he had a few messages waiting for him. Most were calls from members of the gang referring to past accidents that he'd already taken care of. Some were debtors begging for more time, a few of those debtors' voices were those of ghosts to him now. The newest one was from his lover, an apology that he couldn't help but find extremely cute. Originally, the relationship was nothing more than a plot to him, a scheme, but now he was starting actually feel something.

* * *

Hibari glared down at his watch as he sat in the back of the car.

"Kusakabe," he snapped.

"Yes, sir?" Kusakabe replied, keeping his eyes on the road ahead.

"How much is left to be done?"

"In Italy, interference with an assassination attempt in Naples and two meetings in Sicily. And much more in Austria and—"

"Can we get that Sasagawa idiot on it?"

"He's completed his work here and is boarding his plane for India as we speak."

"Damn. What about CEDEF?"

"Kyo-san, is there some reason why you want to return to Japan early?"

Hibari glared out the window and with the heat the Kusakabe could feel behind his back, he didn't even have to be told to shut up.

* * *

Tsuna's face scrunched up in disapproval as he placed the phone back on the receiver.

"What's wrong, Tenth?" Gokudera asked as he watched Tsuna fiercely rub his temples.

"I just got a call from Kusakabe that Hibari is coming back in two days."

"Why so early?" Gokudera tried to keep the fear from reaching his voice.

"No idea," Tsuna said, secretly wishing his vacation could have lasted longer. "He wouldn't tell anyone."

"Who's going to complete his jobs?"

"Apparently Dino has agreed to intercept the assassination in Naples and Mochida along with a few members of CEDEF will represent Hibari in the Sicily meetings."

"Aren't the participants of the meeting going to be frustrated that they couldn't have a Guardian in attendance?"

"Yeah, but you know Hibari…"

Gokudera groaned with the thought, _Yeah, probably better than you think…_

* * *

"I received an emergency call from Kusakabe-san. Hibari-san requests that all encounters with the man called 'Yuu' be postponed until his return tomorrow," a member of Foundation said politely as he bowed in front of Tsuna's desk the next day.

"That's impossible. I'm seeing Yuu tonight," Tsuna said without looking up from a report that Fuuta had given him. "I've already pushed it back to the point of rudeness. Hibari will just have to deal with not getting his way this time."

The Foundation member nodded then strutted out as Kyoko walked in.

"What is it?" Tsuna asked, too tired from not getting any sleep last night to realize who was standing before him.

"I brought you a bento, Tsu-kun," she set the lunch down onto his desk then leaned over to give him a peck on the cheek. "Right after our welcome back you already had to begin working so hard again."

Tsuna looked up at her warmly and whispered a thank you as he kissed her hand.

Gokudera was about to slip into Tsuna's office when he spotted the romantic scene of his boss's lips on Kyoko's knuckles. His heartbeat became so strained all he could hear was the blood trying to flow through his veins, this noise drowned out the sounds of Kyoko's giggles and Tsuna's appreciation for the lovely girl he had ensnared.

* * *

_Who is this?_ Gokudera thought as his back pressed against the alley wall and a man pressed against his body. This man wasn't Tsuna or Yuu or Hibari or Jo or Yamamoto. Gokudera questioned why Yamamoto had somehow joined that list. He pulled his lips from the man's mouth.

"I'm sorry," Gokudera said, pushing the man away and smelling the alcohol that lingered on both of their breaths. "This was a mistake." His phone buzz in his pocket. As he slipped the cell out, the mysterious man strode away without as much as a goodbye.

"Where are you?" Yuu whispered into the phone. "Our bosses are about to hold the meeting and I don't want it to—it can't go on without you."

Gokudera wiped some of the slobber from his mouth and reached into his pockets, hoping to find a mint or something to freshen his breath.

"Sorry," he said. He walked out the alley and looked at the buildings around him. He would stop by convenience store then head to the meeting which wasn't too far away. "I was… busy with some other work."

"Work more important than this?"

"…No."

* * *

During the conference, Gokudera stood beside Tsuna at the end of a long table that was in the basement of a shady, but expensive club. It was a popular spot for congregations of the less than lawful sort.

Several subordinates stood behind the Vongola leaders with a similar set up between Yuu, his boss, and lower members at the other side of the table.

After a bit of very light-hearted small talk between the bosses, Yuu's boss got down to business by trying to present cases of why the merge would be appealing to both groups.

Here Tsuna shifted uncomfortably and his face went grim which made Gokudera's heart sink. He knew the response wasn't going to be good.

"The thing is," Tsuna said. "I've had some people do research on your group and it seems that you guys have had quite a few violent incidents occur in the past few months. Your debtors have gone missing and a few've turned up dead. Not to mention a robbery was pinned on you guys not more than a week or two ago. Now, I don't know if you've heard this very true rumor among the depleting amount of yakuza in the Namimori area, but Vongola doesn't tend to make deals with groups that display violence toward civilians. I'm sure later on –if you clean up your act– we would be glad to work out a—"

"Are you talking down to me?" Yuu's boss snapped. "'If I clean up my act'? I ain't no grade-schooler."

Yuu gulped and adjusted his tie nervously. Gokudera glanced at him, equally nervous.

"Right here and now, Vongola," Yuu's boss said, stabbing a pudgy finger onto the tabletop. "We can either be your ally or your enemy."

Tsuna stood and began heading out the door as he said, "A violent enemy is easier to handle than a violent friend."

As the high class mafia group left, they could hear a roar of anger erupt behind them.

* * *

Gokudera had expected that he wouldn't see Yuu that night or the next afternoon. He didn't receive any calls or any texts. And Gokudera didn't dare to visit the man at his home.

Gokudera and Tsuna were calmly discussing the meeting in Tsuna's office when a Foundation member came sprinting in.

"Hibari-san is back!" she shouted. "And he's mad. He wants to see Gokudera-san."

Tsuna glanced at Gokudera who attempted a nonchalant shrug, but could only manage an awkward, wavering one.

* * *

"Where is that bastard?" Gokudera growled as he stomped around the base.

"Are you looking for Hibari-san?" A Foundation member asked as he noticed the irked Gokudera peeking into different doors.

"Yeah, do you know where he is?"

"I think he gave up searching for you and went back to your apartment on his bike."

Gokudera threw his hands into the air with a groan.

* * *

The familiar motorcycle was parked right outside his building so that he knew exactly what to expect as he made his way up to his apartment. He kicked the lean figure that sat huddled by his door.

"You should wake up," he said softly.

Hibari's eyes opened only to glare at Gokudera.

The silver-haired man presented a bag of groceries. "I looked for a Japanese meat-filled recipe online. I'm going to try it out. Want some?"

Hibari then quietly stood and followed Gokudera inside as the man flung the door open.

* * *

That night he gained more scars on his back on red splotches along his neck and collarbone while appearing to have been showered in bite marks. When he woke up the next morning, Hibari was still there, curled up beside him like a kitten in stained sheets. Gokudera buried his face in his hands and tried to erase himself away.

* * *

"Do you still consider yourself dating that yakuza dumbass?" Hibari asked as he helped himself to anything in the kitchen that he wanted. Gokudera knew that it was part of Hibari's cruelty to remain disheveled the morning after as to remind him of the indecency he committed just the night before.

He also knew that answering the question would just make Hibari feel like he had power, but so would staying quiet, so Gokudera merely said, "You should be gone by now. All the others usually are." He then went into the bathroom for a shower and when he came out cleansed and in nothing more than pajama bottoms and a T-shirt, he found Hibari watching local news on the couch.

"What do you think you're doing?" Gokudera pouted, drying his hair with a towel.

"That's my line," Hibari said as he inattentively kept his listless eyes on the television screen.

Gokudera scoffed. "I can't believe that you left your work in Italy just to come fuck me."

"Why not? After all your years of practice with various partners, you're pretty good at it."

"I hate you so much."

"Slaves often have that feeling towards their masters."

Hibari then beckoned Gokudera to his lap with a finger and the other man reluctantly obeyed.

"But you don't have to worry," he said, biting Gokudera's neck and sucking until the man moaned and another red mark joined the collection. "I'm back now to clear away any other silly emotions you think you have."

* * *

Hibari opened the door to leave and found a tall man standing in his way.

"Who are you?" Hibari snarled.

Yuu rubbed the back of his neck. "Yuu. I'm, um, dating Gokudera Hayato-san… is he here?"

"Yeah, he is," Hibari said simply, unmoving.

"Well, could you move?"

"No."

"Who are you anyway?"

"That's a good question."

"Is that Yuu?" Gokudera called out from somewhere beyond in the apartment.

"Yeah, it's me!" Yuu bellowed from the doorway. "Who's this guy?" He pointed down at Hibari who slapped his hand away.

"That's rude," Hibari snapped.

Gokudera quickly threw on a long-sleeved turtleneck shirt and went to Hibari's side.

"He's a friend," Gokudera said, feeling guilty as though he was lying, but he was sure that was closest thing that Hibari could be considered. Maybe a sex friend if anything, but that was still a friend, just of a special kind. "And he was just leaving. Bye, Hibari. See you later."

Hibari huffed and left with his nose high in the air.

Gokudera closed the door behind him as Yuu stepped in.

"Listen," the tall man started off. "I know what happened at the meeting seems bad and afterwards I thought I was never going to see you again and I didn't want that. I mean originally it was all just a plan for me to get close to you – close to the Vongola," Gokudera's jaw dropped at this, but he didn't stop Yuu from going on, though he badly wanted to. "But now I really do like you and I thought about it hard, but I don't want to be a part of that stupid yakuza group anymore. I was only ever pulled into it in the first place because I had nothing else to go to, but now the Vongola seem like a better fit for me, I mean, your leader is so noble an-and good and I want to try and start over. Not only in regard to my life a Mafioso, but also my life with you and why are you wearing a turtleneck? It's pretty hot in here."

Gokudera then pulled the taller man into a kiss.

* * *

"Did you hear?" Women gossiped in a circle. "Gokudera-san is gay!"

"Not just that, but he's in a relationship with that yakuza who our boss disliked."

"No way!"

"Yes way! I even heard Gokudera-san's lover is trying to become a Vongola member."

"Nuh-uh! He'd better not taint us. The tenth boss has worked hard to return us to our former pride."

Around the corner, Yamamoto listened to this talk with disgust.

It was through him that Hibari found out. And it was through this knowledge that Hibari took care of this issue.

* * *

With tears streaming from his eyes, Gokudera busted into Tsuna's office and pinned Hibari against a wall.

"What the hell did you do?" he hollered.

"I'm in the middle of something important," Hibari said coolly though he clearly did not care too much for what he and Tsuna had been chatting about.

"Hayato!" Tsuna barked. "What are you doing?"

"What's happened to Yuu?" Gokudera shouted, shaking Hibari who pushed him away.

"I have no idea who you're a talking about."

"Did you kill him?"

"I did not."

"What did you do?"

"Did you know that there's only one way out of that group Yuu was a member of?"

"No, you didn't…"

"I just sort of tipped them off that he didn't want anything to do with them anymore and they took care of the rest."

"You fucking bastard! I'll kill you!" Gokudera called upon Uri who was as large and furious as ever.

"Hayato, calm down!" Tsuna demanded.

Gokudera stood there, heaving, the wetness of his eyes preventing him from seeing clearly, from thinking clearly, all he could view was the blurry frame of a violet flame with an orange one burning somewhere nearby, though it was not as strong and fading, rushing in its place was a blue one, then a voice came.

"Calm down, it'll be okay…" It said as the rain flames took him over, washing away his anger.

He couldn't stop himself from murmuring Yamamoto's name as he drifted off into a tearful sleep.

* * *

Gokudera opened his eyes to see that he was once again on Yamamoto's couch, listening to the sounds of Yamamoto attempting to cook food for them both.

"Awake?" Yamamoto asked from the kitchen.

Gokudera breathed out and rubbed the ball of each palm into his eyes.

"I give up," he said, worn out to the point where he sounded and looked twice his age. "I give up on love. I'm starting to wonder why I tried to find it in the first place."

"There was nothing that could have been done for Yuu."

"We could have protected him. We could have stopped them. It's because of that bastard Hibari…!" Gokudera could feel his stomach lurch and his eyes burn.

Yamamoto then placed a bowl of rice on Gokudera's belly.

"Eat, maybe you'll feel better," Yamamoto said solemnly.

"'m not hungry," Gokudera muttered, turning away from him.

Yamamoto then watched as Gokudera slowly slipped into another sad sleep, strongly suppressing the urge to give the silver-haired man a soothing kiss.

* * *

Love. The Past. Tsuna. Gone. Hate. Hibari. Torture. Pain. Yamamoto. Kindness. Death. Again and again. _Ancora e ancora i miei sogni saranno sia maledetti che benedetti, amati e odiati, colpiti dal pugno di Dio e accarezzati dal suo palmo? Sono innamorato, sto odiando, sto morendo, sono vivo. _He could only question, as he tossed and turned, if his dreams were sanctified or plagued.

* * *

"Hibari's being sent with a bunch of Foundation members back to Italy. He leaves in a week. Tsuna thinks you should rest until then. He also apologizes about everything that's happened and feels guilty. When you're feeling better, you should talk to him." Yamamoto said, sitting on the floor, looking at Gokudera's body stretched out on the couch.

"How long have I been here?" Gokudera asked sleepily, stretching his arms. His stomach growled loudly making him blush.

Yamamoto chuckled. "I think tonight is your fourth night. You just mope on the couch and haven't eaten anything since getting here."

Gokudera sat up and massaged his temples with the tips of his fingers. "I'm so sorry, I'll leave right away."

A crackle of thunder roared from outside, Gokudera flinched and asked, "I'm really hungry, huh?"

Yamamoto laughed again and went to the kitchen, he made Gokudera a bowl of rice for the fourth time since the man arrived.

"That wasn't your stomach," Yamamoto said. "It's late as hell and storming like crazy outside. You should wait until tomorrow morning to leave. I mean, you've already stayed this long."

Yamamoto strode over and handed Gokudera the bowl and some chopsticks.

"Oh, thank you…" Gokudera said, accepting the food graciously for the first time. He held the bowl in one hand and the chopsticks in the other, but couldn't move. Tears plopped down from his face onto the rice. He laughed a little. "I don't know why, but even though my stomach says I'm hungry, I don't feel it at all. I just feel really empty."

Yamamoto huffed and squatted down at Gokudera's side. He grabbed the chopsticks, picked up a chuck of rice, and shoved the food in Gokudera's mouth. He then forced the man to chew and swallow.

"What the hell?" Gokudera shouted afterwards.

Yamamoto ruffled the silver hair and smiled. "If you feel empty then maybe food can fill you, right?"

Gokudera stared at the grinning face and felt his tears building up.

"Thank you, Takeshi, thank you so much…"

_

* * *

_

**Italian Translation (There's going to be way more next chapter!) :D**

____

Ancora e ancora i miei sogni saranno sia maledetti che benedetti, amati e odiati, colpiti dal pugno di Dio e accarezzati dal suo palmo? Sono innamorato, sto odiando, sto morendo, sono vivo =

Time and time again, are my dreams to be both blessed and cursed, loved and hated, struck by the fist of God and caressed by his open palm? I'm in love, I'm in hate, I'm dying, I'm alive.

Major thanks to StarsOfYaoi (lol at your username xD)


	4. Non Intact

He was having the same dream for several nights. Surrounded by the blackness of Hibari's poisonous voice, Gokudera chases after Tsuna's figure, though neither of them move. His feet rise and fall, but it's as though Gokudera is running on a conveyor belt and he can't get any closer to his precious tenth.

"You're worthless," Hibari's voice booms in the dark. "I will teach you that. You're worthless. I will teach you that. You're worthless." It goes on and on. Over and over. Gokudera thought if he reached the Tenth, then maybe the voice would stop, but even if he had been covering any ground, Kyoko's form would appear and block his way. All the while, lovers of the past would stride by Gokudera and join Tsuna's side before fading away into the abyss of Hibari's insults. Yuu's exit was especially dramatic. Just as Gokudera feels his thighs giving in and calves begging him to stop, Yamamoto appears and covers Gokudera's ears.

The silver-haired man becomes amazed as Hibari's voice disappears along with the blackness. Light surrounds only him and Yamamoto as the other man mouths things Gokudera can't hear. He reads Yamamoto's lips.

"_Tu sei degno il mondo,_"

You are worth the world.

"_Sei bellissima,_"

You're beautiful.

"_Ti amo._"

I love y—

Gokudera sat up in a start, chest heaving and sweat running down his flushed face.

"A nightmare?" Yamamoto asked, sitting nearby with a bowl of delivered ramen in his lap.

"I don't know," Gokudera said, swinging his legs over the side of the couch so that he was sitting on it properly. He thought of how some of the variations of the dream didn't appear this time like him being able to hear the cries of 5 year-old Lambo in the distance or feeling Hibari's hands on his body. "What time is it?" He groaned.

Yamamoto chuckled. "You asked me that not too long ago. It's around 6:30 now."

"I'm sorry, I should've left this morning," Gokudera whispered.

"You said that not too long ago too!" Yamamoto pat him on the back. "It's okay. You've been a mess lately. No one can blame you either with everything that's happened. Stay as long as you need."

"No, you don't understand. I don't think it's right for me to stay here." Gokudera stood. "It's making me weird."

"Weird? How?" Yamamoto asked with ramen protruding from in between his lips.

Gokudera took in this ridiculous face and burst out into laughter. Yamamoto would've laughed too, but his mouth was full and he didn't want to spurt noodles everywhere.

"Eat properly, you grown man!" Gokudera demanded jokingly, taking a seat next to Yamamoto.

"I made you a bowl too," Yamamoto said, pulling another bowl over and handing it to Gokudera. "I-Pin delivered it. I know you won't eat much, but it'd be nice if you tried to put something in your stomach."

Gokudera said "itadakimasu" then lifted a few noodles to his mouth. He hesitated to consume them and did eat much after he did. He put the bowl to his lips and sipped up the soup, his belly warming pleasantly from the nourishment.

"I'm sorry about everything," Yamamoto mumbled after slurping down the last of his ramen.

"It wasn't your fault," Gokudera said making Yamamoto feel guiltier than ever. Then they both sat and listened to sound of the oncoming storm. After the first sound of a raindrop, Yamamoto put his arm around Gokudera purely for the reason that it felt right.

* * *

"Hasn't Lambo been more irritable lately?" The women gossiped at a doorway.

"Oh, it's simply because he's a teenager and teenagers are like that."

"Really? It seems like it's because of Gokudera-san's breakdown."

"I didn't know he and Lambo are so close."

"If you're going to talk about someone behind their back," Lambo said, emerging from the door they were gathered around. "At least refer to them properly."

The women blushed and all bowed. "Sorry, Lambo-kun!"

"Even though I'm younger than you, I'm still your superior," Lambo huffed then stormed off to look for something to do. There wasn't much other than complete inventory on artillery or the mechanic's tools (which he hated most) since Gokudera and Yamamoto were occupied elsewhere and Tsuna was off on important business. Ryohei was still out of the country and Hibari had been sort of unofficially banned from the base despite the fact he rarely appeared there anyway. And no one ever knew where Chrome or Mukuro was. Lambo was the only Guardian at the base, therefore, technically, the one in command of it at that moment.

Suddenly Moretti ran over to Lambo at a loss of breath.

"Lambo-san!" Moretti shouted. "We have to hurry!"

"What is it?" Lambo growled, pulling his arm from where Moretti had grabbed it.

"There's a huge fight going on between two rival gangs nearby. One is in the process of becoming our ally and they just asked for back-up."

"Wh-what? And you need me? Wh-where's Vongola? O-or Hibari-san?"

"Boss is way too far to ever arrive on time, Gokudera-san and Yamamoto are on their way, but aren't sure when they'll get there, and we can't get in contact with Hibari-san."

Lambo gulped and began running for the exit to the base. When he got there, he was met by Fuuta who handed him a phone.

"H-hello?" Lambo said unsurely into the phone.

A gruff voice laughed and muttered, "It really is a kid," while gunshots panged around in the background along with groans of pain.

"Kid? I'm Lambo, the Lightning Guardian of the Vongola, now you can either accept my help or I can stay here and sip on a latte." Lambo wouldn't actually do something like that, but the boss of the ally gang didn't have to know.

"S-Sorry, Lambo-san!" The boss said into the phone before shooting off a few rounds. "It's just that we're in a very tight situation an-and…!"

"It's okay," Lambo said as he slipped into a car and it sped off. "I'm on my way," he yawned. "I should arrive in a few minutes. Think you can hold them off and restrain causalities until I get there?"

"I'll do what I can," the boss replied, hanging up or possibly losing his cell phone to a bullet.

"Goodness," Lambo sighed, looking out the car window.

* * *

Yamamoto was speeding through the roads as fast as he could when Gokudera's cell phone rang.

"Hello?" Gokudera said. "What? Is he okay? Yamamoto, head for the hospital. Damn it!"

* * *

"You all are making such a big deal out of this!" Lambo shouted, clutching on the bleeding wound at his left shoulder. "It's not that big of a deal!"

As the brunette boy sat on the hospital bed, irritated and surrounded by worried Vongola women, Gokudera ran into the room with Yamamoto in tow.

"Lambo!" Gokudera shouted.

"I'm fine!" Lambo said, rolling his eyes. "But I took care of everything. Isn't that all that matters?"

"No, you're bleeding! Let me see it!"

"The doctor guy said to leave it bandaged, but you should hear what I did!"

"Are you crazy? You should have waited for us."

"Avrei dovuto restare seduto a fare niente? Cazzo!" Lambo said with frustration growing in his eyes.

Gokudera put a hand over the boy's mouth and shouted, "Che cosa hai detto? Controlla quello che dici!"

"Santo Cielo. Chi se ne frega?" Lambo yelled as he removed Gokudera's hand from his face and glared at the man. "Sei uno stronzo, mi hai lasciato solo tutto questo tempo, e poi torni e mi urli quando per una volta ho fatto qualcosa di giusto?"

"Lambo, stop." Gokudera said, shaking his head and curling his fingers into tight fists. "Listen to yourself! Just rest. You need to—" He placed his hand on Lambo's shoulder, only to get it slapped away.

"Non toccarmi! Non voglio che un finocchio mi tocchi!" The boy retorted, covering his own mouth after the words slipped out.

Gokudera's eyes widened and for a second Lambo expected to be hit, but instead Gokudera turned away and ran out the room.

Yamamoto looked to Lambo with a furrowed brow.

"What did you say?" He asked, trying to keep himself from sounding angry.

"Something horrible," Lambo said, sounding as though he was fighting back tears.

* * *

"Hayato!" Yamamoto called out as he caught Gokudera just before the man was getting back into the car. "What's wrong?"

"Let's go," Gokudera demanded. Yamamoto couldn't tell if he was enraged or dismayed.

"What did he say?" Yamamoto leaned against the car, next to Gokudera. "All I caught was 'nothing,' 'fuck,' something about you going somewhere and 'time,' then he didn't want something to touch him...?"

The silver-haired man bit his bottom lip and looked away.

"Finocchio is a vulgar slang term for fairy, Takeshi."

"Fairy?"

"Gay, queer, faggot."

"Oh... _**Oh**_…"

* * *

He was a teenager and teenagers are like that.

* * *

Lambo had decided that he would go with Hibari to Italy in the next five days. They would return together in two weeks. While doing occasional business, the majority of the time would be vacation for Lambo to visit his adoptive parents, Tsuna's Mama and Papa.

"I didn't mean it," Lambo said as he sat at the bar counter of Gokudera's kitchen. On the other side, Gokudera was cooking their meal with a somber face. He managed a sad smile.

"I know," he said.

"That 'bully' I told you about," Lambo said, voice cracking and fingers quivering. "I haven't told you everything."

Gokudera glanced at Lambo from over his shoulder before muttering a curious, "Oh?"

"I found out why he picks on me…" Lambo swallowed hard. "It's because…"

"Go on."

"It's because he _likes_ me."

Gokudera nearly died of laughter.

"It's not funny, Gokudera-shi," Lambo whined from his seat as Gokudera fell to the floor with his shoulders trembling from laughter. "This is a serious issue. A guy is in love with me, what am I supposed to do?" The boy's face was red with irritation while Gokudera's face was alight with amusement.

* * *

Four days.

* * *

"Hey," Lambo said to the tall boy staring him in the face.

"Hey," the boy replied, blushing. He'd recently found out that Lambo knew of his feelings and now had stood waiting for the boy at the school gates.

"Were you waiting for me?"

"Yeah."

"That's cute." Lambo then walked past the boy with unbroken confidence despite his arm sling from where a bullet had all but grazed his left shoulder. "Come on, we'll be late."

"Okay."

* * *

Three days.

* * *

"Hey," Gokudera said to the tall man standing by his door.

"Hey," Hibari said before yawning. There was a grating tension between the two and now he stood waiting for the one he wronged at his doorstep.

"Were you waiting for me?"

"What else would I be here for?"

"Whatever." Gokudera plugged the key into the door and pushed it open, walking in as though Hibari weren't even there. Once inside he turned to him. "Are you coming in? It's going to rain so you'd might as well come in or leave."

Hibari stepped inside and closed the door behind himself.

* * *

Two days.

* * *

"You're a fucking dickhead," Gokudera shouted into the cell phone as he stormed onto the base.

"Hello," Yamamoto said, raising a hand to wave to Gokudera, but it went ignored as the man headed straight for his own private office.

"I swear, don't ever come to my apartment again! I can't wait until you go to Italy, asshole!"

"Who was he talking to?" Lambo asked, approaching Yamamoto. His sling was gone.

"Hibari, I think," Yamamoto answered. He looked at Lambo up and down. "Hey, did the doctor say you could take it off?"

Lambo flexed his arms and shoulders. "I got some guy with the sun attribute to heal it up pretty nicely, so I'm perfectly fine."

* * *

Tomorrow.

* * *

"Why do you still talk to him?" Yamamoto asked as he and Gokudera sat on the couch, watching an American movie they both had wanted to see, but now only viewed it with disappointment and mild interest.

Gokudera sighed. "I don't know," He looked to the ceiling. "It's something I'll have to figure out."

Yamamoto smiled. "Tell me when you do."

"God, you're always such a giddy idiot," Gokudera chuckled, rolling his eyes at Yamamoto's grin.

_Mostly around you, _Yamamoto thought as he unconsciously scooted closer to Gokudera who laughed and asked, "Even though I'm so terrible, why do _you_ still talk to _me_?"

Yamamoto put a finger to his lips in thought then leaned against Gokudera's shoulder and said, "I'll tell you when I figure that out."

* * *

Today.

* * *

"Do you have everything?" Kyoko asked with hands on either one of Lambo's cheeks.

"Yes," He answered dully.

"Stay safe," she said before kissing his forehead.

"I will," he said with a smile as Tsuna ruffled his hair.

"Tell Mom and Dad I said hi," Tsuna told him.

Lambo nodded.

"Hurry up," Hibari barked from the car.

Kyoko ignored the slight and continued asking Lambo questions about things he packed, what he'd do once he got there, if notification to the school was taken care of, and other motherly things.

Tsuna kept telling Lambo things like "be careful," "show Dad how much you've grown since last time," and "don't forget to complete your work for the family."

Gokudera was nearby the scene, close enough to watch, but far enough to not be a part of it. He pulled the cigarette from his lips and let out a deep exhale. Dark smoke engulfed his head before he flicked the stick to the ground and quelled the flames with the sole of his shoe.

* * *

Yamamoto was the first and only one to catch the silent crying of Gokudera as the man walked through the halls of the base. He quickly hugged the silver-haired weeping angel so that no one else would notice. He could hear the muffled sentence that Gokudera mumbled.

"He's gone."

Yamamoto spent plenty – maybe too much – of his time trying to think of which 'he' Gokudera must have been referring to.

* * *

"We haven't had much time to talk about private matters, Hayato. You've become more right hand man than best friend lately."

"This is an issue, then, Tenth."

"You mean Tsuna."

"Ah, yes, Tsuna. How shall we fix this?"

"Drinks are on me."

* * *

He knew it was wrong. As he laughed and met glasses with his closest friend and boss, he still couldn't squash the feeling of love that danced at the deepest parts of his heart. He hated that love and the pain that it tortured him with. _How long?_ He asked himself. _I wonder how long I have lived with these daily tears._

* * *

Gokudera toppled into Yamamoto's apartment, crying. Still, he was received with unfaltering kindness. It didn't take long for Gokudera to find himself tucked gently into Yamamoto's couch with Yamamoto sitting close at hand.

"It's okay," the brunette said, patting the blankets that rested on top of Gokudera. "Everything will be all right."

"Why do you say that?" Gokudera asked with the backs of his hands on his eyes, throat burning from either the alcohol or the puke or the crying. Maybe it was so bad because of a combination of all three.

"Because I won't let it all fall apart."

"Why not?"

"Because you're my friend."

"I never do this for you."

"It's okay," Yamamoto repeated. He waited to hear the lull of his sleeping friend's soft snore to kiss the man on the forehead. "You being here is enough." And he believed he would have to accept that.

* * *

He lied. _I'll tell you when I figure that out._ He had long since been discovered the motives for his kindness.

* * *

Gokudera thought it would be strange to have both Hibari and Lambo away for so long, but Yamamoto made up for the emptiness of one of them. Gokudera contemplated many times, which he was replacing: the brat who begged for food or the bigger brat who begged for food and a little something extra?

They switched whose home they'd stay at each evening, but every night without fail, they in would be in one another's company.

"Your favorite De Niro movie?"

"You're expecting me to say Goodfellas, aren't you?" Gokudera laughed.

"Actually, the second Godfather, but yeah that one too. So which is it?"

"Hmm, Raging Bull, I guess…"

"Oh, Glay is on TV."

"Do you like that band?"

"They've made a few good songs."

"Have you ever had stuffed tomatoes?"

"I think so."

"Well, you've never had any the way I make them. Want any?"

"Sure."

"What are you doing?"

"Helping."

"Oh…"

"Is it not okay?"

"It's okay, it's just… no one's ever helped before."

The conversations were so simple and flowed so well that Gokudera couldn't help but feel completely comfortable. Except for when they touched. Whenever he accidentally brushed against Yamamoto's skin or could feel the taller man's breath on his ear, he felt a very delicate balance tip a bit. He didn't want this equilibrium to implode. He liked the sensation he got from Yamamoto and could only fear this mood being ruined. That's why he silently thanked that he Yamamoto were not in love with one another or attracted to each other. As soon as he made this noiseless gratitude, he felt himself reanalyzing his own emotions.

* * *

"You two have gotten **extremely** close," Ryohei noted the day of his return after seeing Yamamoto and Gokudera laugh about something together. "You haven't been apart all day."

Gokudera colored a little, guilt appearing within him for an unknown reason.

"We've had a lot of time to, that's all," Yamamoto said, experiencing the same guilt. He wasn't lying, right? It's not like the two them had _wanted_ to be alone together all this time. "With Tsuna busy and the four other guardians gone, there was just a lot of space for us to talk."

Ryohei's eyes widened at the mention of Tsuna and he froze that way.

"Ryo-san? You okay?" Yamamoto asked, waving a hand in front of the man.

"_**Oh!**_" Ryohei roared. He looked to his hand where many things were scribbled in black marker. "I have to report to Tsuna, but I had forgotten to the **extreme**!" He then sprinted off in burst of energy.

Yamamoto tittered as Gokudera muttered, "Idiot."

* * *

"I can only stay for a little while," Gokudera said, looking down at his watch.

"Why? Where you headed?" Yamamoto asked as he finished up the last of the food he had had delivered to his apartment.

"A party," Gokudera stuttered.

"No, you're not," Yamamoto said less warningly than he wanted.

"Where do you think I'm going?"

"Clubbing to meet guys or something."

Gokudera was about to protest when Yamamoto's hand clasped onto Gokudera's in a pleading way.

"Please," Yamamoto said pathetically. "Stay with me."

As hard as Gokudera fought to keep the balance there, Yamamoto constantly found new ways to knock it off kilter. Despite knowing its dangers, Gokudera would continue meeting privately with Yamamoto, patiently yet eagerly waiting for the day when the full-blood Japanese man would shatter the stability completely.

* * *

Side by side, they arranged papers in an unmarked and unorganized room of the main base.

"About two weeks ago, when they left," Yamamoto began. "You cried and said, 'he's gone.' Who did you mean, Lambo or Hibari?"

Gokudera paused in his work to appear as though he was thinking. He wasn't.

"I can't even remember." He lied. He remembered. 'He was gone' referred to Hibari.

"How close are you and Hibari really?"

"Depends on what you mean by close."

"How well do you know him?"

Gokudera paused again then answered, "Depends on what you mean by know."

* * *

Lambo was greeted back with hugs and clasps on the back from subordinates as Hibari retreated to his office with a quiet indifference.

"How was Italy?" Gokudera asked as he came over to Lambo with Yamamoto directly behind him.

"Tons of fun," Lambo said, stretching. "Papa bought me brand new Italian weapons and the women were pleasant as well as bountiful."

"Sounds like Italia all right."

"Did you get everything done?" Yamamoto asked.

Lambo's face scrunched up. "Yeah, in fact, it was kind of weird," his voice went into a whisper. "I was complaining about feeling overworked and Hibari-san offered to take my jobs off my hands."

"Did you accept?"

"Of course I accepted! I hated the idea of having to do chores during a vacation!" Lambo then yawned and headed down the hall. "I'll talk to you guys later. I have many things to discuss with Vongola!"

* * *

Hibari's eye was steady.

Yamamoto left with Gokudera. Came to work with Gokudera. Completed tasks with Gokudera. Ate with Gokudera. Laughed with Gokudera. Conversed with him. Touched him. Left with him. Three days he let this go on. Three straight days he watched with great annoyance as the two grew closer and closer.

* * *

"Oh, hey," Gokudera said as he met Hibari at his doorstep.

"Hey," Hibari snarled.

"Hi," Yamamoto said with a bright smile.

"What is he doing here?" Hibari asked.

"We were going to eat and watch Raging Bull. You probably wouldn't want to—"

"We need to talk," Hibari stated. "Tell him to leave."

"That's rude. We can talk some other time."

Hibari grabbed onto Gokudera's arm, but Yamamoto tore Hibari's grip from the Storm Guardian and glared at him earning an equally evil look back from the Foundation leader.

"You must be insane to try to—"

"You heard Hayato. Leave."

Hibari spit on the floor beside Yamamoto's feet before stomping off. His head was still high, meaning that he knew what must be done in order to achieve his victory in the end.

* * *

Gokudera had insisted that if they were to meet and talk that it'd be at a public place. It was the only way he could obtain total safety (Hibari wouldn't want to start a scene) and ensure that his new-found abstinence would remain intact (Hibari was an incubus), but the Cloud Guardian would hear none of it and they ended up chatting on the floor of Gokudera's living room.

"How was Italy?"

"Terrible."

"You never like anything."

"Not true."

"Name one thing you like."

"Namimori."

"That's all you like." Gokudera snorted.

Hibari's eyes were powerfully fixed onto Gokudera's green ones as the man replied sternly, "No, there's more. Or at least you could say I'm very fond of these things." He broke the gaze and looked at some random point over Gokudera's head. "Like fighting. I enjoy bloodshed. And justice."

"I can't tell if those are the words of a hero or villain," Gokudera scoffed.

Hibari grabbed Gokudera's hand. "It depends on who you ask." He crept close to the man only to be pushed away.

"Stop," Gokudera demanded. "I don't want to do things like that anymore."

"Saving your nonexistent virginity for your precious Yamamoto Takeshi?"

"What are you—?"

"I want you to stop talking to him. I already warned him once to stay away from you."

"How many times do I have to remind you that you don't rule my life?"

Hibari quickly pinned Gokudera down. Looking dead into the man's eyes once again, Hibari's lips curled into a sick smirk.

"What?" Gokudera scowled.

"It's a twisted kind of funny," Hibari said. "All your ruined relationships."

"Because of you, you bastard!"

"No, that's the amusing part." Hibari leaned down and started hissing into Gokudera's ear. "You don't see that it's your darling Yamamoto's fault you're not with Jo or Yuu?"

"What are you talking about?"

"For the first one he incited the question that caused the partnership to fail and for the second, he was my messenger, telling me all the details of what was happening and encouraging me to pull you two apart. Of course, I don't think he was fully aware of the murder aspect of it, but nonetheless he wanted those men gone."

"You're lying…"

"It's his fault."

"Stai zitto, bugiardo!"

"Italiano? Anche io parlo questa lingua orribile."

He kissed the tear running down the side of Gokudera's face then the solemn man's lips.

"Il mio frocio,"

He kissed Gokudera's neck earning a whimper from the weak lips that were under his seconds ago.

"'La mia puttana,"

He chuckled before biting at the sensitive skin just above Gokudera's collarbone causing the man beneath him to inhale sharply.

"Sono arrapato," He breathed, drawing their mouths together once more and pressing they bodies so tightly against one another that Gokudera believed they would melt into a puddle of passionate chaos and self-hatred.

_

* * *

_

**More Italian Translations! :D**

_Avrei dovuto restare seduto a fare niente? Cazzo!_ = Should I have sat and done nothing? Fuck/Fuck that!

_Che cosa hai detto? Controlla quello che dici_ = What did you say? Watch what you're saying!

_Santo Cielo. Chi se ne frega?_ = Good grief! Who gives a damn/Who cares?

_Sei uno stronzo, mi hai lasciato solo tutto questo tempo, e poi torni e mi urli quando per una volta ho fatto qualcosa di giusto? _= You're an asshole, leaving me alone all this time then you come here and yell at me when I did something right?

_Non toccarmi! Non voglio che un finocchio mi tocchi!_ = Stop touching me! I don't want a faggot touching me!

_Stai zitto, bugiardo_ = Shut up, liar!

_Italiano? Anche io parlo questa lingua orribile._= Italian? I can also speak this horrible language.

_Il mio frocio_ = My fag/(vulgar slang for passive male homosexual)

_La mia puttana_ = My slut

_Sono arrapato_ = I'm horny

^^That makes me laugh like you have no idea. And once again big thanks to StarsOfYaoi :D


	5. To Forget

**A/N: Haven't updated this thing in forever (despite my love for this fic xP). I wrote this chapter a while back, just found it in some files, so now I'm putting it up here. I will not abandon this story, I think I'll keep writing it. Also, I haven' looked over this, so sorry if there are any mistakes x(**

* * *

He knew he was in love with Tsuna, but he also knew that he wanted to have sex. And _badly_. Though, it started out innocent enough.

At 15, he would gaze at Tsuna with admiration in his eyes. Well aware of Tsuna's fondness for Kyoko, he ignored his own feelings or at least tried to subdue them. He thought that this love would eventually subside or that Tsuna would lose interest in Kyoko. He thought that his boss only liked the girl because she was cute anyways, so he believed a feeling like that couldn't last long.

* * *

Towards the end of 16, he accepted the fact that Tsuna was never going to return his affections, so he decided that he might as well distract himself from this by dating someone else. He tried going out with women, he even went on one date with Haru. On that single date, the two learned that they could only ever be friends. It was also around that time when Gokudera learned that he wasn't straight. He thought all this time that he was straight with the exception of Tsuna, but no woman got him excited and he would prickle when an attractive man brushed by him. He tested this theory and began quietly dating an older man. No sex was involved, but this man gave him his first homosexual kiss.

* * *

At 17, he was single and horny. Kyoko and Tsuna had started getting friendlier with each other around this time. Hana and Ryohei too. Their love was evident while Tsuna's and Kyoko's grew slowly. Meanwhile Haru was seeing a guy lower in the Vongola and Yamamoto was too focused on other aspects of life to date. He had to balance school, baseball, and mafia business. It made Gokudera jealous. He wished he had something to be busy with other than playing with his dick. He was still a virgin and he hated it, but was too scared to go off and have anonymous sex. He wanted it to be special, most of all, he wanted his first time to be with Tsuna, but he knew that would never happen.

It was summer on the horrid day that changed his life and Gokudera regrets completely. If he could go back and change one day in the world for the sake of his love life, that would be the one.

He had just moved into a new apartment a few days before, one closer to the recently built base. Every so often, friends would come by to leave him housewarming gifts. It was late and a group of visitors had just left. He closed the door behind them, forgetting to lock it as he had many times before. It was never something that had been a problem before even at his old apartment.

He went to his room, sat on his mostly empty floor, listened to the radio for a bit while smoking a cigarette and brushing Uri's fur. When the cat-like creature yawned and trotted out the room to find a comfy place to sleep in the barren home, Gokudera stood to go search through the many boxes in his bedroom. He found a square metal container and curiously opened it up while he sat legs crossed on his bed. He had packed it, but forgotten what was inside. Neatly stacked in the box were pages and pages of dirty magazines. His face colored as he pulled one out and flipped through. He remembered his 16 year old self snatching a few of these from a small business early in the year before. He didn't remember taking so many. Either way, he had them and they were making him bothered as many little things did as of late. He would bristle just from the slightest touch of a man and risked an erection at the sight of one nude.

Unconsciously he had already begun to touch himself after the first few pages. After landing on an especially arousing image, he let his free hand reach behind himself. He bit his lip, stifling moans out of fear that his new neighbors would hear him. He closed his eyes, trying to lose himself in the sensation, trying to trick himself that it was Tsuna who was making him feel this way. The more he tricked himself -the _better_ he tricked himself- the closer he got.

Then, right when he was on the edge…

"I didn't know you were disgusting like that, Gokudera Hayato."

The voice was softer than how it usually sounded, but that just made it all the more frightening. Gokudera's eyes shot open and his fingers froze in place. He looked at the figure in his bedroom doorway with pure horror stricken in his green eyes.

Hibari strode to the sweating boy and grabbed him by the chin.

"How is that satisfying?" He asked, staring so harshly that Gokudera felt as raw as he could possibly be. Like Hibari was shooting his glare straight through Gokudera's pupils and into the core of his existence. Like Hibari knew Gokudera better than Gokudera himself. And that was very scary.

Hibari crawled onto the bed more like a snake than an insect which was also terrifying to Gokudera who scooted away as much as he could until his back was against the headboard.

"Don't you want to try a real one?" Hibari suggested.

"Please don't tell anybody," Gokudera begged, eyes watering from the heat of his face. He wasn't crying. Of course he wasn't crying.

He could not deny that he was shaking though. Horribly. It was the worst situation. Regain control, he kept telling himself, but nothing about his position let him have any control. There he was, on his bed in a dark room, door closed, phone nowhere near him or even in sight, dick out and hard with Hibari above him staring at him lustfully.

"Maybe I will," Hibari chuckled sickly, sliding a finger down Gokudera's heaving chest. "And maybe I won't." His finger stopped in a place that made the silver-haired boy let out a moan he couldn't fight back.

Hibari smirked before whispering, "I think that's up to you, Gokudera Hayato."

Gokudera was still shivering as Hibari kissed him. And he kept shivering as the man did more. And more. And more.

* * *

At 18, Gokudera had hopelessly become Hibari's bitch. He thought that he and Hibari were a couple. And he was the only one who thought that. He would _constantly_ call and text Hibari despite _constantly_ being ignored. He still sat beside Hibari at Vongola meetings and insistently invited him over. Hibari didn't return any of these things. He only called Gokudera when it was business related and never tried to get particularly close to him, though they did have sex every now and then.

Gokudera appeared happy enough during this time and so was Kyoko and Tsuna who were on the verge of becoming an item. Haru was glad too because she had broken up with her old boyfriend and was proud to be single. Yamamoto wasn't specifically happy or sad, though he was beginning to feel envious of Tsuna's happy love life and Ryohei's stable relationship.

Halfway through 19, Gokudera became afraid that he had cheated on Hibari after having anonymous sex for the first time. The one-night stand occurred when a man was able to get Gokudera illegally drunk and into a love hotel.

Gokudera realized that he wasn't dating Hibari after he told the Cloud Guardian what had happened and the raven-haired man laughed in reply.

"Like I care who you wave your ass at," Hibari had said simply before turning and walking away.

* * *

So by 20, Gokudera hated himself and hated sex. He hated Kyoko who was now happily with Tsuna and he hated Haru who had told him that she was developing an interest in Yamamoto. He hated Yamamoto who had someone who was developing an interest in him. He hated Lambo who was a lovable little boy and he hated Ryohei and Hana who didn't have many rough patches in their union. He hated Bianchi who was still passionately in love with Reborn more than he hated adult Reborn or Shamal who had all the random sex they wanted without feeling a thing about it. He hated Dino who he assumed was having fun in Italy, but most of all he hated Hibari who to him was nothing more than a rat bastard that deserved to die a thousand hideous painful deaths somewhere cold and horrifying. But through all this hatred, he still adored Tsuna. Still dreamt of him. Still obeyed his every command. Still wanted him. Which just gave him more reason to hate himself.

Then, late in the year, he met a man who made his heart (though it was more his legs) open _a little_ more. He hid their relationship from the world. Hibari wouldn't gain anymore power over him through knowledge and the others couldn't know of his homosexuality, he wasn't sure why, but the thought of his friends finding out scared the shit out of him.

He had heard things from others like him. About being beaten by their own friends, being hated by them, kicked out by their own formerly loving parents. He had friends in this community now, but he also had rivals who called out him out to be the slut he was becoming.

* * *

May of being 21 years old, Gokudera was single again for the reason that the man caught Gokudera kissing Hibari. Worst of all, he wasn't just kissing Hibari. He had the Cloud Guardian pinned down, their shirts missing and hair in disarray. Hibari called Gokudera stupid for having a lover behind his back, but Gokudera didn't care much. Hibari then said he would help Gokudera get over the man and made love to him again. Ever since the day when Hibari 'rejected' him, Gokudera had tried to stay away from the raven-haired man, but it was useless.

Though, two to three months after this break up, Gokudera already found himself with another guy. He met him at a concert. Gokudera had slowly learned that the type that his drunken self was sexually attracted to were those who acted and dressed similarly to his younger self – punks. This boyfriend he waved in Hibari's face. He would text Hibari, 'Sorry you cant come over I'm with Aito.'

After several weeks of texts and calls of this sort, Aito went missing and Hibari was there to comfort Gokudera.

Gokudera suspected Hibari, but was too grief-stricken to care. He knew he hadn't really been in love with Aito though especially since they were mostly interested in each other's bodies more that each other's thoughts. Gokudera also knew that he wanted to have sex.

* * *

At 22, he considered himself to have been in about four relationships and to have had around nine sex partners so far in his life.

Tsuna and Kyoko were moving slowly but surely, looking more and more like a couple each day. Hana and Ryohei were going through a huge fight during which Ryohei was staying with the recently moved Yamamoto who had also decided to get a place closer to the base partially for the reason that he needed more independence. He lived too close to his father's shop, too close to his father.

Haru and the girls had always treated Gokudera as though he was one of them in an odd way. He would occasionally be invited to their outings and when they wanted to talk to a male about a romantic issue, they always went to him. He wasn't compassionate like Yamamoto or understanding like another girl would be, why did they come to him? He was only logical when it came to romantic advice.

"If he seems like he is showing signs that he could be abusive then dump him _**now**_, Haru."

"It's okay, Hana, he's an idiot. It takes him longer to understand things than it does for normal men."

"Tsuna's an amazing person, you're lucky to have him. You shouldn't worry. I don't think he could ever fall out of love with you." He did everything in his power to stop himself from crying and choking on his words. "What man could?"

When he got home, he puked then called Hibari.

If someone had asked Yamamoto about his feelings for Gokudera around this time, the emotions he later develops for the silver-haired man might have blossomed earlier and maybe some of Gokudera's misfortunes could have been avoided.

But Yamamoto still wasn't paying much attention to love. He went on a casual date every now and then and once had casual sex, but the guilt kept him from trying that again.

* * *

At 23, Gokudera's relationships became more infrequent though his sexual encounters didn't. He both laughed at and missed having the fear of careless love making, a fear due to naïveté. He was proud and repulsed by the liberating sense he felt when he didn't know his partner's name.

His "long-term" lovers never lasted _that_ long anyways; Hibari would always find a way to be rid of them. Sometimes Gokudera found himself thinking that Hibari may be in love with him, but he would remember why that was impossible. Why torture the one you love? And besides, the last time he considered Hibari to love him, it ended painfully. No, if anything, Hibari hated Gokudera as much as Gokudera hated him back. That's why they were constantly waking up in each other's arms. That's why Gokudera smiled at Hibari when they were alone together. That's why Hibari would stay even in the afternoons, wrapping his arms around Gokudera's waist and gripping tightly onto the man's hands.

* * *

A month after Gokudera's 24th birthday, Haru and Yamamoto began dating. They moved even more slowly than Kyoko and Tsuna, who were -without a doubt- going to get married eventually, all it took was Tsuna to propose. Hana and Ryohei were getting engaged and were perfectly happy with each other, beautiful together. It was this time when Hibari softened up a bit.

Gokudera swore that sometimes he could hear Hibari call him terms of endearment, loving names that were spoken gently and, hopefully, sincerely. More and more each time they met, Gokudera fell for Hibari, silently begging for the man to make him forget about Tsuna.

Lambo had his own apartment now, not too far from other adults. For the first few months he was a teen angry at the world. Mad that he was abandoned by his second Mama. But the thrill of independence made him a bit appreciative of his adoptive parents' move to Italy.

Yamamoto watched Gokudera and thought he was gorgeous, questioned why the right hand had turned down that second omiai. Everyone just wanted him to be as happy as they were.

If Gokudera had been told that his happiness was the goal, then he would've laughed. He would've thought something along the lines of,

"Then give me a strong man who will love me correctly and who I can love without fear of him leaving."

* * *

Years and years had passed since the beginning of his love pain and it had never relented, only allowed fleeting moments of ease so that it could return as intense as ever.

Yamamoto and Haru were happy, Ryohei and Hana marrying, Tsuna and Kyoko's love thriving. After Jo broke things off out of the fear that mafia connections would put him behind bars, Gokudera came out to Tsuna who encouraged him to come out to the others. Lambo, his child, his precious sibling, his successor, the one who came to him when no one else was available, was being bullied and called him 'finocchio.' Hibari was once again unremitting, fierce and powered. How many men fell from Gokudera's side because of Hibari's evil? The silver-haired right hand didn't want to keep up. He didn't want to think of Yuu. He merely wanted to get lost in the sheets and alcohol so he wouldn't have to remember a thing. He disgusted himself, but he had to.

Then, "_Sei bellissima._"

The dream. What did it mean? He couldn't possibly be in love with Yamamoto. He couldn't. He admitted there were a few brief moments where he would wish that someone like Yamamoto would fall for him, but he was already living through one one-sided love for a straight man, he didn't need another. He decided if Yamamoto ever did love him, then he would accept that, but otherwise no feeling other than friendship was permitted to emerge.

When he was with Yamamoto, it _almost_ made him forget. It was the kind of forgetfulness that came with happiness, not the kind that came with drunken pleasure.

But Hibari couldn't sit back and watch this grow. The separated Yamamoto smiling at the single Gokudera. It spelled disaster for him. So he crushed it. As smoothly as he crushed Gokudera's other beau.

But Yamamoto was not the fearful Jo or unfortunate and possibly conniving Yuu. He was Yamamoto Takeshi, son of a sushi chef, faithful lover of both baseball and the art of the sword, and Rain Guardian of the Vongola.

He was well aware of his feelings for Gokudera and he was a strong man who planned to love Gokudera correctly and to support the weeping angel so that he would not have to fear him leaving.


	6. Intermission: Yuu's Story

**A/N: I figured since we're looking into people's pasts, why not give Yuu a little background? I have the next one or two chapters finished, but I just really wanted to write this. It really doesn't give much insight into the future, but it shines a light on who Yuu was. He's dead now though. So I guess it doesn't really matter. Still, there are cute parts and maybe a bit of cartharsis at the end? I don't know. xD**

* * *

The rich parents splayed the pictures across the table and yelled. Photos snapped by a private eye. Secret meetings between two forbidden lovers brought to light. His mother cried. His father had never screamed this much before. Investigators had revealed the son's second life that blossomed only under the veil of the night. The son tried to explain, to beg back his parent's love for their hardworking, gentle child. There was no hope. They burned the pictures, pulled him out of the prestigious academy he was attending, burned him out of their heads, and gave him nothing but the clothes on his back before placing him on the streets to defend himself against the world.

* * *

First thought was to see his love, to seek shelter in a heart where he knew he'd be given refuge. The first knock on the door felt like it rang through his being in that cold night. No answer. Once more, he knocked. This time, the door flew open.

"Eri," the prince-turned-pauper breathed as he gazed at the figure of his sweetheart. "My parents… they found out… I need—"

"Are you retarded?" Eri barked with crossed arms.

"Wha-what?"

"Do you think I didn't already know? My parents are paying yours to keep quiet about it," He scoffed. "Not only that, but that also paid to be rid of you so that we'll never have to see you again."

"How could you—?"

"I've promised my parents I'll be good from now on. Now, go. If they see me talking to a fag, I'll end up like you."

The door slammed shut.

There he stood in the night. Cold. Alone. Scared. Not in the way that one might fear a mysterious noise in the dark or a sudden shocking scene. But in the way that one breaks down and cries from the fear harboring in the pit of their stomach with no idea what the future might hold for them.

* * *

He wandered the streets. The world had turned its back on him – no, only his world had. In the shadows of the city, he saw it. A dark gleam, a sick glint. Another world lurked in the bottommost underbelly of his former lifestyle.

* * *

In the first month, the suit jacket he'd been wearing was snatched up by a jittery homeless maniac. His watch was stolen at gunpoint. Then, as he was washing up using a sink in a public restroom, his belt was taken.

Tired, in need of a proper bath, and apathetic towards life, he sat in an alley. He was hungry. He was weak. But the most striking pain was the monotonous loneliness. He used to be surrounded with clean, laughing friends, prideful smiling parents, or at least some sort of polite servant entertaining him with dirty jokes and stories of their harder years. Here he was only surrounded by thieves and violence. His possessions were depleting as well as hope. Death was beginning to be not so frightening a thought.

"Hey, kid," A man snickered.

Our young vagabond opened one somnolent eye to see a lowly gang member with a bat hanging over the side of his shoulder, gripping the blood-stained weapon by its handle. The threatening man cackled lightly.

The vagabond knew he should be afraid, but he couldn't find the strength to care. He glanced around. His assaulter had brought friends. A few carried crowbars. He was pretty sure that at least one had brass knuckles.

"If you're looking for fun," he said slowly. "I'm not going to fight back, so you might as well look somewhere else."

"Who do you think you are?" One gang member spouted.

"Telling us what want, telling us what to do." Another snarled.

"We'll show you, punk!" The bat-wielding attacker lifted his weapon and swung it downward towards our wanderer.

In this moment, he thought he was going to die soon. He was okay with that. He figured there was no reason _not_ to die. What was there to do with his existence wiped out by the very hands that created it? What was there to do when to live he'd have to live a lie? What was there to do when even if he blinked out of reality absolutely no one on Earth would care? He wasn't as pessimistic as to welcome death, but he sure as hell wasn't optimistic enough to fight it off.

Then he saw a shine. The moon faintly gleamed against the metal as it protruded into his enemy's stomach.

A very young voice. "You're disturbing the peace of Namimori." The boy couldn't have been older than 13, maybe 14? "And for that, I will bite you to death."

"Oh shit!" A gangster gasped, dropping the crowbar in his hands and making a run for it. "It's him!"

The boy was upon the running man, leaping into the air and landing violently on his back. After he was unconscious, the boy turned his attention to the others, mowing them down with few snags in his vicious rhythm. When the bodies lay unmoving other than the occasional twitch, the boy snapped his eternal glare in the vagabond's direction where he sat curled in fetal position, shaking.

"What's your name?" The boy asked.

What was his name? It used to be Yuhara Yuuya. His nickname in Elementary and Middle School was Yuyu. His parents were Yuhara Atsuo and Yuhara Anika. His lover? Hama Eri. His best friend's name was Hasegawa Hiro and his best friend's girlfriend's name Imaizumi Ami. He could go on, list all the names he wanted. But they meant absolutely nothing to him now. He couldn't even put faces to those groups of letters. He only knew those names and nothing past that.

"Yuu," The young beggar lied.

The smaller boy scoffed. "You're just as weak as your name," he jabbed. "Grow some balls."

Yuu was looking up to see the face of his savior aka some dickhead who totally just insulted him, but the knight had gone. Of course, he was completely unaware of the irony that will present itself about 12 years in the future.

* * *

Yuu pondered the meaning of his transformed name for some time after that. It was when he had taken up this new name that he grew some balls. The streets wanted to chew him up and spit him out damaged or dead, but he'd decided he wouldn't let that happen. How much would that please Mom and Dad if he bled to death in an alley? The faggot Yuuya having never been their child? Never been born? If they had managed to find out he died, how happy would they be? He'd bet they'd be ecstatic! And he knew his friends didn't care. Hell, his own lover tossed him out like trash. His friends must've already forgotten his voice and moved on like his desk had never even been taken up before. They would be in for a surprise if one day Yuu came marching in to class and plopped down where Yuuya once sat. He'd decided. He'd show them. All of them. By thriving in those streets.

* * *

The man cowered in the corner of the bar, hands held up in surrender.

"I'm sorry!" He shouted before stretching his lips into a forced smile. "I was just kidding, you know?"

"Too bad for you," The approaching teenager said coolly. "I don't have a very good sense of humor." He cracked his knuckles and grinned.

The beating was too bloody for other customers to ignore though many were used to the usual drunken fight. Even the bartender couldn't help but to sneak peeks at the treacherous sight.

By the time the attacker was done, his shirt was splattered with blood and his fists were stained with it.

A clap projected from the other side of the establishment.

Yuu tried to wipe some blood from his chin only to get more on his face, the liquid now covering a part of his jaw. He glowered at the applauder.

"What's your business, gramps?" Yuu growled, fists clenched.

"Nothing, my boy," The chunky man laughed. "Nothing."

Yuu's stare didn't falter.

The fat man smirked. "It's just," he chuckled a bit as he motioned to the lifeless body lying by the teen. "That was quite the poundin' you delivered over such a small comment. It seems all that spunk you got might've killed the man."

"And what do you care?" Yuu replied. "If you don't want your ass beat too, you'll keep your goddamn mouth shut, got it?"

The fat man laughed again, this time more loudly, more obnoxiously. "Oh, no, kid!" He said, wiping a tear from his eyes, big belly jiggling. "I'm the boogeyman who cuts through the shadows, you see, I'm the one who you'll keep your mouth shut about…" The glare in the man's eyes made Yuu flinch with fear. "…Got it?"

And that's how he was recruited.

* * *

It was a small gang, but growing. A fearsome yakuza whose name surely would one day be known. Yuuya was a dog handpicked by the boss. He was merciless, pouncing on his prey and slowly cutting them open or shooting an artery and watching them bleed or tightening his fingers around their throat. He'd get pleasure from it, but he rarely saw the faces of the people he murdered. Each time he took a life, their features would take on those of his parents. How many times had his mother kneeled before him, begging relentlessly for her life? He must've seen his father's last gasps of breath countless times by now.

In this world, no one gave two shits about what he did as long as those who owed the group money disappeared. He could do whatever and whoever he wanted. So what if he was porking another guy in the ass? If he had ¥801,600 or Mr. Eguchi's head on a silver platter by Monday morning, then everything was all good.

* * *

One day, while he was around 20 years-old, he had a raging urge. Odd thoughts began torturing him. He wanted to see Eri. What was Eri doing? Did Eri ever think about him? Had Eri just been scared or confused that night? He had to know.

Yuu had gone to the house Eri used to live in. After a few days of dropping by and spying from afar, he came to find out that Eri no longer lived with his parents. On a lucky day, he overheard Mr. Hama saying he was going to visit his son's penthouse and slyly followed the man there. When they arrived at their destination, Yuu jotted down the address and slipped it into his pocket.

The first knock on the door rang through his being like a live memory of that night years ago. In the moments it took for Eri to answer the door, Yuu chuckled to himself thinking of how stupid he was back then. How idiotically alone he had felt. How lame he was for being scared and lazing around doing nothing. Now he had a flowing income, a boy buffet, and a whole family of friends. And where was Eri? A bratty heir with zero personality living a lie as a straight aristocrat? It was enough to make Yuu nauseous.

The door opened slowly. A freshly blond face poked out, smiling.

"Who is it…?" His happy face fell. "…Yuuya…?"

Yuu smirked. "It's me."

"Oh my god," Eri peeked out further to make sure no one was around then dragged Yuu inside and slammed the door shut behind them. "What the hell?"

"I wanted to come see you, Eri," Yuu said, voice dripping with sensuality.

Eri bit his lip. "I can't believe you came here!" He hugged the taller man. "How did you find me?"

"It wasn't easy, but I did it."

It was that evening when Yuu discovered that Eri was working for his father's company which he would eventually inherit. Eri also revealed that he had a devoted girlfriend who he pretended to like, but he actually thought she was very annoying. Eri talked a lot about how had bleached his hair, constantly asking "Like it?" and "Isn't it pretty?" Later on in the night, Yuu would be pulling on that gorgeous hair as he and Eri made love.

"Yuuya," The blond man moaned as they cuddled afterward.

"Hmm?"

"I missed you. I… I can't keep doing this. I can't play straight any longer. I'll die! It's horrid..." Eri squeezed tighter onto the dream he feared would mysteriously fade. "Please stay with me. Or take me away. Just don't leave me alone."

Yuu gently stroked Eri's hair until the other man fell asleep.

When Eri awoke the next morning, he was alone in the bed. On the nightstand was a note with five painful words:

_Are you kidding me, bitch?_

Eri could only find the strength to cry.

* * *

7 years later, Yuu would believe he saw an angel. With a sad face and faraway look, the angel sat across the room of the plush nightclub, sipping on something making the beauty lose himself. Yuu had two other guys on his arms who were twirling their fingers on his chest and pressing their lips against his ears, but at the sight of the angel, they dropped into the background. He quickly made his way to the other side of the club, eyes fixed on the gorgeous being before him, heart set on knowing everything about the stunning form.

It started off basic. Normal. Boring. "I've never seen you around here before," Yuu said.

The angel looked at him up and down. "The name's Hayato," he said, crossing his legs. "And I never come to this dump. It's pretty far from where I live and I never get anything good out of it."

"Watch it," Yuu playfully warned. "I partially own this place."

Gokudera flushed only a bit. "Really?"

"Sort of," Yuu answered, looking away. His yakuza group was paid monthly to protect the spot. Yuu received most of this money (after the boss) since he was the one who actually laid down the law for those who threatened the club. He thought this would best be related to as "co-owning."

"Are you lonely, Hayato-kun?" Yuu asked, softly taking Gokudera by the chin and looking into the silver-haired man's glazed green eyes. "You look… lonely."

"What's it to you?" Gokudera snapped, turning away.

Yuu put an arm around Gokudera's shoulders. "I think I'd like to crush that loneliness."

And crush it he did.

* * *

"Stop!" Gokudera giggled as Yuu held him by the waist and called him the dumbest pet names he could conjure up.

"Hugglebear, Sweetiebabe, Honeyheart," Yuu listed, enjoying the silky sound of Gokudera's laughter and the rare gift of his smile.

It was a few days after their first meeting and they felt inseparable. Times apart were heart-wrenching moments of waiting for the next encounter. He loved having Yuu over for dinner besides the fact that Yuu had zero appreciation for Italian food. It wasn't that he disliked it; he just wasn't… _impressed_ by it.

Just as Gokudera was going to pass out from the overwhelming power of laughter, Yuu's cell phone rang.

"Hello?" Yuu said into the phone.

"What the fuck?" It was his boss. "Are you over at the Vongola boy's place _again_?"

Yuu rushed into a different room in order to have the conversation somewhere more private.  
"What do ya want?" he huffed.

"When're gonna get to meet the boss? The Tenth?"

"I don't know. It's too early to ask for a favor like that."

"What's the point of you fuckin' him if you ain't gonna ask?"

"Hey, it wasn't until after I met him that I even found out."

"He has silver hair and his name's Hayato!"

"There are tons of Hayatos, how was I supposed to know that this was Gokudera fuckin' Hayato?"

"Well, you know now and you'd better make damn good use of that fact!"

Yuu stared the phone looking for some sort of answer, some encouragement, some comfort, but only received a dial tone.

* * *

"Uri is very cute," Yuu said, petting the cat in his lap. "What breed is he though? I've never seen a cat like this before."

Gokudera looked at Uri from his spot on the couch beside Yuu, then shrugged. "I don't know? He's his own breed, I guess."

"He can be of the melon breed," Yuu said half-heartedly.

Gokudera placed his hand atop is lover's, then said, "I think I love you."

* * *

The sprinkling of light notes rippled throughout the apartment. Gokudera could only sit and pout.

"Come on, babe," Yuu chuckled, reaching out for his lover's hand. "Dance with me."

"No way!" Gokudera whined. "I hate this awful music!" He pushed Yuu's hand away and remained stubbornly on the sofa.

"You really dislike it, huh? What made you despise the piano so much?"

Gokudera could only sit there with furrowed brows and a red face.

* * *

They were sitting at a café table when it happened for the first time. Yuu was staring into his wallet with a solemn face. Gokudera ignored it at first, but after a while, his worry was rising.

"What's wrong?" He asked. He peeked over to see that tucked into Yuu's wallet was a picture of a smiling blond Japanese man. His heart tightened.

Yuu flipped his wallet closed. "Nothing."

Gokudera paused for a moment then asked, "Who—?"

"No one," Yuu quickly answered. More silence. "Tomorrow… I—" He thought for a second. "Just… don't contact me tomorrow. I'll be busy."

"…Alright," Gokudera replied, hoping that he had masked his worry.

* * *

The grave. Hama Eri. He was the only one there as it was every year. Burning incense covered by an umbrella. The rain was light, possibly the last of the season. It would get hot soon. He looked down at the headstone remembering the reports. The suicide. The guilt. It was the anniversary of that day 4 years ago when the young life took itself. _I missed you._ When the note left behind stole away a parents' love. _I can't keep doing this._ When Yuu felt true regret. _I'll die! _He fell to his knees. Looking at the name engraved put needles in his heart. _If only… _he thought. _If only that hadn't been your last memory of me…_

* * *

"You've looked sad lately," Gokudera said, settling down on the couch beside his lover. "Something wrong?"

"No," Yuu shook his head and attempted at a smile. "Please don't worry." His wallet was in his hands, his thumb rubbing the picture inside.

"Who… is he?" Gokudera asked once again.

Yuu breathed in and slowly, he breathed out, feeling some of the pain exit with the breath.

"He was… a friend," Yuu said. "Of sorts. His name was Eri."

Gokudera sat and listened as Yuu told stories of Eri who was frivolous and loud and a squanderer. He was sassy, but charming. He was… not very smart, but he made up for what he lacked in intelligence with cunning. He hadn't always been truthful or faithful and that's surely what led to his downfall. Yuu understood it too. That loneliness Eri must've felt in his last days. To be living as someone he wasn't, loved as someone he wasn't, trapped as someone he wasn't. He found only one way out.

Yuu never cried about it. He felt he didn't have the right to, but as Gokudera squeezed gently at his hand, he couldn't help but let a tear slip.

* * *

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I'll ask tomorrow. I promise, boss!"

"…Show me your mark."  
"Aargh!"

"Don't fucking forget who you work for! Get the meeting with the Vongola, boy!"

* * *

He entered the apartment tired and heaving.

Gokudera ran to his side. "What's wrong? Why're you bleeding?"

"No reason!" He shouted, moving himself to the sofa where he pulled off his shirt to look at the tattoo of a snarling wolf on his shoulder. A cut clean across the lone creature's foaming face.

* * *

_"Could I meet with your boss sometime?"_

_"Huh…? Why…?"_

_"We were thinking of a merger, Vongola would make a nice ally."_

_"Uh, sure, I'll see what I can do, but he's outta town right now…"_

_"It's okay, I can wait." Yuu planted a quick kiss on Gokudera's forehead then waited until the man was asleep to slip out of bed and out the door._

* * *

"This is insulting!" His boss roared, slamming his fist onto the table, making the swinging light above shake. The room was small and filled with smoke which Yuu's cigarette contributed to. "The Vongola are clearly selfish!" The fat man pulls out his cigar and beckons Yuu over. Yuu obeys only to receive fresh ash stinging and searing its way into his shoulder, his mark further desecrated. "You get those bastards to see their mistake! Got it?"

* * *

How did he still find a way to smile? It must have been the effects of the angel before him. This sad angel who grinned when he was around, who curled his fingers in his hair, whose fluffy laugh blessed his ears. _There has to be a God_, he once told himself while Gokudera lie in his arms. _That's how this angel was sent to me._

* * *

_"I waited for a week and a half while he was gone and now I'll have to wait for who knows how long?" He shouted._

_"I'm sorry, Vongola is busy right now." Gokudera called out from the kitchen._

_"I get that, but my boss won't." Yuu groaned, leaning back onto the couch. "He's going to know that the Vongola is just too proud to pay attention to a small group like us."_

* * *

Then. It finally happened. The long awaited day. The treasured moments marked with an X that Yuu's group had been digging for. Their name would be known.

_"We can either be your ally or your enemy."_

_The Tenth Vongola boss stood and began heading out the door as he said, "A violent enemy is easier to handle than a violent friend."_

_As the high class mafia group left, a roar of anger erupted._

"For once," His fat boss screamed, standing on short, portly legs. "For once I thought your faggot ass would be useful." He grabbed Yuu by the shoulders, pinning the man against a wall. "What the fuck was that? What the fuck?"

"Calm down, boss," the others suggested. "It ain't the fag's fault."

"Yeah, his dumbass didn't know this would happen."

"It's his little boyfriend's fault!"

The boss took a moment to think then let go. "You're right…" He said slowly. "You're right! That fucking queen musta known about this shit and look! He let it happen! That piece of…" He glowered at Yuu. "Stay away from that goddamn fairy, you got it? He's just like the rest of the Vongola! Too goddamn high an' mighty! Who do they think they are, huh?"

The others cheered in agreement. They suggested drinking, partying, celebrating their newfound hatred for the Vongola. Amongst this twisted merriment, Yuu stood, shocked. Was this his family? He wondered. Would he really never see his angel again? Then his stomach felt hollow. Oh, he knew this feeling. Yes, he remembered it very well. He felt it when he was an unwanted 16 year-old before he found this life he knew now. Even though he was surrounded by familiar faces, faces he could put names to, who he thought he cared about. He felt it. Loneliness.

* * *

_"I know what happened at the meeting seems bad and afterwards I thought I was never going to see you again and I didn't want that. I mean originally it was all just a plan for me to get close to you – close to the Vongola, but I really do like you and I thought about it, I don't want to be a part of that stupid yakuza group anymore. I was only ever pulled into it in the first place because I had nothing else, the Vongola seem like a better fit for me and I want to try and start over. Not only in regard to my life a Mafioso, but also my life with you…"_

* * *

He didn't know how they found out. He didn't really care either. He didn't even mind not having the Vongola's protection. With blood leaking from the new cut on his shoulder and the bullet wound leaking from his side, he knew there were only minutes until the trail led them to him. Settled in the grass, he wheezed, staring at the grave, the old incense, the flowers he'd left. Storm clouds brewed overhead, but no rain came. The air was hot, heavy, almost gray. If rain had come, it might've washed away his trail, but the weather seemed disapproving of him. The wolf on his shoulder had gained another cut parallel to the first, marking an 'X.' He laughed at the thought that this really did make Gokudera his angel, guiding him to his well-deserved death. After all the murders he committed and all the lies he told. With a smile, he said, "Here I come, Eri," and then, they were upon him.

...

Soft grass. A plain and vast white sky. He was 16 again. Young and vaguely innocent. In the distance, another boy stood by a bridge. His hair was black, but that wasn't how he remembered seeing it last.

"Yuuya," the other boy called out.

"Eri?" Yuuya asked, running towards the other.

"I think," Eri said as Yuuya stood by his side. "I've been waiting for you."

Yuuya smiled sadly. "You must have been lonely."

"I missed you."

"I missed you too. I'm sorry for not saying that before… and for leaving."

"I'm sorry I was so mean that night you came to me for help."

Across the bridge was nothing, or rather, they couldn't see past that.

"I think we're supposed to cross it, Yuuya," Eri said.

"Together?" Yuuya replied, holding out his hand.

Grasping tightly onto one another's hand, a blond man crossed a bridge with his tall lover, all loneliness melting from their tired souls.

* * *

**If you read this chapter, leave a review about it please :)**


	7. He Is

All he wanted lately was to forget. To forget things like the pain of one-sided love. The death of a lover. The annoyance of pitiless abuse. The betrayal of a friend. It seemed like every day there was a new thing to forget.

* * *

"We never hang out anymore, Hayato-chan! Just the two of us!" Haru said as she strolled crowded streets beside Gokudera.

Haru had begged him to find time to shop with her and so he had. Now there they were, parading around Shibuya with no definite destination or goal.

"I'm usually pretty busy," Gokudera said, looking around all the stylish boutiques and people.

"Well, I'm glad you were able to do this with me today!" She said, spinning.

"Is there a specific reason why you wanted to spend time with me?" Gokudera asked, raising an eyebrow as he lit a cigarette.

Haru froze, looking away from the silver-haired right hand man. In fact, she hadn't looked him in the eyes since they met up. Gokudera knew something was wrong.

"Because I miss you, Hayato-chan," Haru said softly.

"Why have you suddenly started calling me that?" He asked while standing several paces behind her. Around them, people were happily walking by, some holding hands and some laughing together.

Haru turned to him, staring at his feet. "I thought you would like it, since you're that way…"

"Haru, that's—"

"It's also why I asked you come shopping with me, men like you are very fashionable."

"Haru!"

"You always look very well put together and your house is decorated nicely which is proof that you people have a knack for things like this."

"Hey!"

"We should pick up some clothes for Takeshi, he's not very stylish," Gokudera would have sworn that at this point, Haru was glaring at him. "Probably because he's not like you." She then spun on her heel and began walking away.

Gokudera got the message loud and clear.

* * *

Men like _you_ are very fashionable, _he_'s not like you. He's. Not. Like. You.

* * *

Gokudera didn't see himself as alone in the world, just lonely. He was well aware that he had plenty of friends to lean on and smiled when he thought of this. He had many people who he loved and wanted to protect. It only feels lonelier when those people are the ones giving him heartache.

* * *

Lambo dumped the heap of wine bottles into a trashcan.

"Sorry," he said, pulling out a broom and sweeping up his messy floor. "I had a party and forgot to clean up before you came over."

"When did you have it?" Gokudera asked, clearing a spot on the sofa and taking a seat. He looked around. He hadn't been there in a while. Lambo often went to the adults' houses and rarely let them over at his own, though he loved showing it off to his younger friends. The place was very classic Italian. Typical Italian art hung on the walls and everything appeared to be rich, elegant, European – the dressers, picture frames, the basket that held the grapes on the dining room table, nightstands, the whole of the home.

Lambo thought for a few moments then answered, "A few days ago?"

"So you've been living in filth for days?"

"I wouldn't call it _fil_—Yeah, I have."

"That's disgusting."

"This is weird anyways," Lambo rubbed the back of his neck while a blush danced at his cheeks. "Why're you here?"

"Rude," Gokudera scoffed.

"Sorry," Lambo cleared a spot on the couch and sat next to Gokudera. "It's just embarrassing." He fidgeted with his thumbs. "Don't think that 'cause of this that I haven't been taking care of myself or something. And definitely don't tell Vongola or Fuuta about—" He motioned to garbage that littered the apartment. "—all of _this_."

"I won't," Gokudera said, sitting with one leg swung over the other. Then he sat silently, staring off into space.

"Something wrong, Gokudera-shi?" Lambo asked, leaning towards the man.

Gokudera sighed.

"I don't know what I'm doing," he muttered, shaking his head. "You're just a kid, but—"

"But what?"

"I need someone to talk to."

Lambo gulped. "Um, uh…"

"I'm sorry. I'll just leave." Gokudera said as he stood.

"No!" Lambo called out and urged the man to sit once again. He then dashed into his kitchen while yelling, "I'll make us some tea." After several minutes, Lambo came stumbling back from out the kitchen empty handed.

The boy brushed himself off as he took his seat beside Gokudera once again. "I, uh, couldn't find anything in the kitchen."

Gokudera only gave Lambo a look that read, "You're… useless."

Lambo grabbed onto Gokudera's arm and squatted on the couch, knees digging into the cushions.

"Talk, Gokudera-shi!" Lambo insisted. "Maybe I could be of more help than you think. I mean, I'm pretty adult."

Gokudera remained silent, eying the messy room.

Lambo glanced around the room as well before saying, "Maturity and tidiness don't necessarily go hand-in-hand."

Gokudera sighed for the second time that evening and crossed his arms.

"Fine," He groaned. "But you can't tell anyone anything I say! Got it?"

"Got it!"

"Okay, so I'll start from the beginning…"

* * *

"What? Holy shit! No way! Are you serious? Is that even legal? You should sue! Okay, I'll be quiet. Oh my goodness! For real? You're lying! Fine, I'll shut up this time! Nuh-uh! He did not! Did he _really_? Wow. Gosh, why would he do that? No, I'll just listen from on, I swear! Impossible! Haha, I can so see that! Ew, gross! How does that even work? _Ohhh. _No. No! _No!_ Okay, okay! No more commentary. You're kidding. That's sick! So messed up. Aha, I remember that! Wah, too funny! Then that happened? Whoa, super sad! Oh no, I might cry! Sorry! I'm done; I won't talk one more bit! What? Holy shit, Gokudera-shi, no way!"

* * *

Lambo sat limp in his seat, gazing at the junk-covered floor. His mind felt swelled and his heart felt tight.

"Adult's lives sound really complicated," Lambo said after a long time.

"They can be," Gokudera replied as he rubbed his temples with the tips of his fingers. Retelling all his past years really made him relive some horrid things. Of course he kept some details from Lambo for the sake of the boy's innocence and because Gokudera had the need to keep some things to himself, personal feelings and especially painful events.

"Feel better?" Lambo asked.

"I feel worse if anything."

"Oh."

Lambo blinked then looked up at Gokudera.

"You don't deserve any of that, Gokudera-shi."

"What does a brat know about what I do and don't deserve?"

"Few friends I know are so bad to where they deserve someone like Hibari Kyoya."

* * *

Is that what it was all this time? Gokudera was punishing himself by letting Hibari have his way with him, his body, his heart? Did he really feel so worthless that he pushed himself towards despair? Somewhere within this thought he found truth, but he also felt a bit empty. Lambo said he would always be there to help. With what? Gokudera still questioned what he wanted from anyone. Was Haru a rival and Lambo a brother? Did Kyoko stay an obstacle and sex a comfort? If Tsuna approached him right now and asked for them to be lovers, he wasn't sure if he would say yes. If Yamamoto walked up and asked Gokudera if they could remain friends, he wasn't definite that he'd be able to smile and shake hands with the man. If Hibari whispered into Gokudera's ear that he would leave him alone for the rest of his life, he wasn't certain that he wouldn't grab onto the Cloud Guardian's sleeve and beg him not to go.

* * *

"I talked to Yamamoto-shi," Lambo said as they sat in Gokudera's refreshingly neat apartment, sipping on coffee. "He broke up with Haru."

"I already knew that," Gokudera huffed.

"No, before they were just separated."

"Same thing in my eyes."

Lambo rolled his eyes and continued, "Anyways, he seems sad."

"Good!"

* * *

He's. Not. Like. You.

* * *

"Well, it's been decided!" Ryohei said as he, Yamamoto, and Tsuna sat around a table with beers in their hands. "Hana wants to have the wedding in Italy!"

The group of men would occasionally meet at each other's homes just to talk about manly non-mafia related things and be friends. Gokudera came when he wasn't busy and Lambo even joined sometimes if they didn't feel like drinking that night, but tonight it was just Ryohei, Tsuna, and Yamamoto all gathered around Tsuna's table talking about their yesterdays.

"Really?" Yamamoto gasped. "But haven't you guys been planning to have everything here?"

Tsuna nodded. "Yeah, why the sudden change?"

"I have no idea!" He then to a swig of his beer and grinned goofily.

"You just listen to whatever she says, don't you?" Tsuna asked with a look of mild pity.

"Yep!" Ryohei stated proudly, flashing a thumbs up. Though he should have replied with something more along the lines of "without question."

Yamamoto laughed, "What a healthy relationship."

"You're brave for even proposing in the first place, Ryo-nii," Tsuna's face colored noticeably. "I can't even imagine…"

"And you'd better not," Ryohei growled, giving Tsuna a dark look. He suddenly stood, one fist in the air and the other pressed to his chest. "I **extremely** can't picture giving away my precious little sister…!"

"Aw, come on, Kyoko's all grown up," Yamamoto said. "And, Tsuna, if you do propose, she'll definitely say yes!"

Ryohei leaned over the table and grabbed Yamamoto by the collar.

"Don't give Tsuna ideas like that!" he hollered. "You've obviously never had a sister!"

Yamamoto held up his hands as though surrendering. "S-Sorry!"

Ryohei sat back in his seat and sighed before taking another gulp of his beer.

"I guess your feelings are some we'll never get a chance to understand, Ryo-nii," Tsuna chuckled.

"So true!" Yamamoto said. "Not only do I not have a sister, but I don't even have a girlfriend!"

"What went wrong with Haru anyway?" Tsuna asked. "You guys went well together."

Yamamoto grunted indifferently.

"I don't know," he muttered. "It just wasn't… right. Like I can't see myself marrying Haru. So it kind of felt like what was the point, I guess." He blinked then took a sip of his drink.

"I suppose marriage is the ultimate goal," Tsuna said. His thoughts wondered onto him and Kyoko, which made him down his beer, trying to distract himself from fantastical dreams.

The first cans were empty, then the seconds, and the third ones, and so on.

* * *

"Are you two going to move?" Gokudera asked Ryohei as they slowly made their towards the base's exit. "Right now, you are the ones who live furthest from main headquarters."

"I don't know. Hana's **extremely** the one deciding everything!" Ryohei said with an idiotic grin.

"Well, sometimes it does seem better for the woman to control these type of things," Gokudera said with a small sigh. "Especially when dealing with someone as stupid as you."

"Hey, would you ever get married, Hayato-kun?" Ryohei asked, ignoring or possibly not hearing the 'stupid' comment.

"Ryohei," Gokudera stopped and stared the man in the eyes. "You know I'm gay, right?" He asked with one eyebrow raised.

"What?" Ryohei yelled. "Since when?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"No one told me!"

"That's weird, I thought everyone knew by now. Hana knew."

"Why didn't she tell me? Did anybody tell me all of what **extremely** happened while I was away? Did Takeshi-san know and Tsuna?"

"They did."

"**What**?"

* * *

Yamamoto sat in the car and sighed heavily.

"What is it now?" Mochida asked reluctantly from the driver's seat. When it came to the Guardians, Mochida preferred being in Yamamoto's company most. They were both simple men. Because of their past, Mochida saw Tsuna as an unintentionally arrogant person. Gokudera was too prissy and demanding. Hibari was way too violent and unpredictable. Lambo was a brat who only ordered subordinates to do stupid things like bring him wine or grapes. Chrome and Mukuro were a rarer sight than the nomadic Hibari Kyoya and when either of the two were around, they would just creep Mochida out. While Ryohei was an old friend and mildly close to being normal in some respect, the dude was still annoying as hell. So, Yamamoto was the best of seven evils though the swordsman could be an airhead every now and then.

"Nothing," Yamamoto breathed sadly.

'Phew!' Mochida exclaimed in his mind.

"It's just," Yamamoto began.

'Damn,' Mochida cursed to himself.

Yamamoto went on, "Hayato still won't talk to me. He's acting like a teenage girl, but won't tell me what's wrong."

"This again?" Mochida groaned. "How long has it been?"

"Two weeks."

"Why don't you just talk to him?"

"I tried that, but he won't answer my calls or reply to my texts. Once I even waved to him while he was passing me by and he just ignored me." Yamamoto played with his tie while in thought. "I don't think I ever did anything to make him hate me."

Mochida questioned when he had become Yamamoto's counselor. "Since when were the both of you so close anyways? I can't imagine you guys getting along."

"Recently we've been really good friends. Ate together, laughed together, worked together, and now…" Yamamoto looked out the window. "If I knew those days would pass so quickly I would've cherished them more."

Mochida let a silence draw over them then asked, "You don't… You don't _like_ him or something, do you?"

Yamamoto chuckled. "Am I that obvious?"

"I heard was gay an' all, but I thought that was a rumor," Mochida replied, sounding somewhat disgusted. "I didn't know you were infected with it too."

"Watch it…"

"But in any case, if you love him or whatever, then it sounds like you're not even fighting for'im."

"I'm not-? I…" He pictured himself dressed as knight and bursting into Hibari's castle with a sword in his hand. He would cut down each of Hibari's subordinates then reach the boss himself who had the tongue of a dragon and scales placed randomly all over his pale body. Behind Evil Hibari was Princess Gokudera who was shouting for Yamamoto's help. Yamamoto would let out a manly cry then use one powerful strike of love to slay Evil Hibari thus saving Princess Gokudera who he would carry off into the sunlight before their wedding day.

He laughed out loud at his own imagination.

"I don't know what kind of weird thoughts you just had," Mochida said as they approached a red light. "But my advice for you is to go visit him at his apartment. There, he can't run from you. You two will have to face off once and for all."

"Thanks, Mochida! Could you drop me off there?"

"Wha—no way! Aren't we headed somewhere important right now?"

"It can wait! Drop me off at Hayato's place!"

"I-I don't think I even know my way—"

"I'll guide you! Whoa! Green light! Drive, Mochida, drive!"

"What? Ah!"

The car sped off with two men inside, one speeding and the other laughing.

* * *

Gokudera was used to coming to his apartment door and seeing a heap of human flesh waiting sleepily beside it. But today this heap was different from the usual one.

"Takeshi?" Gokudera asked unsurely.

Yamamoto sniffled as his eyes fluttered open. "Haya… to…" He rubbed his newly sensitive eyes. A goofy smile spread across his lips. "Or am I still dreaming?"

"What are you doing here?" Gokudera asked after a huff.

"Waiting for you," Yamamoto grumbled as he stumbled to a standing position. "I didn't know you would be so long."

Gokudera contemplated on whether or not he should tell the Rain Guardian that he had spent the day at Hibari's place. It took a few seconds for him to decide against it.

"I was busy. What do you want?"

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why have you been ignoring me?" Yamamoto asked with his eyes looking at his feet and his hands gripping onto Gokudera's shoulders.

The silver-haired man stared at Yamamoto with a blank expression.

"Does that matter?" He asked.

"Of course it does," Yamamoto insisted, looking into Gokudera's eyes now. "For our friendship!"

"Pfft, our friendship never meant anything to me in the first place," Gokudera lied as he swatted Yamamoto's hands off his body.

The taller Mafioso was about to give up when he saw himself as a knight again and he remembered "you're not even fighting."

Gokudera had his keys in the doorknob when Yamamoto forcibly made Gokudera turn to him.

"Look at me!" Yamamoto shouted. "It may not mean something to you," He said while Gokudera gazed at him, wide-eyed. "But our friendship is the world to me. I don't care if that's the closest I can get to you as long as I can stay by your side."

"Isn't that a painful thing to do?"

"Very, but I don't care because I love you."

"Why would you hurt the one you love?"

"What?"

Gokudera felt tears well up in his eyes, but he easily fought them back.

"Yuu and Jo," Gokudera said with a breaking voice. "Hibari told me that if it weren't for you…"

"Why would you listen to him? He—"

"But it's true, Takeshi!" Gokudera stepped back from Yamamoto as the other man took a step closer. "It's your fault Jo left and you told Hibari of Yuu, if you hadn't then…" Gokudera pressed his palms to his face. All he wanted lately was to forget yet he kept remembering and he kept being reminded.

Yamamoto wrapped his arms around Gokudera's waist and pulled him close.

"I'm sorry," He said. "I know I can't fix much. I can only tell you that I didn't know what would happen. I can only recognize my mistakes now. I can't bring anything back and can only do my best to mend your heart, but that's only if you'll allow me to. Please let our friendship be my apology."

Gokudera made sure that when he drew away from Yamamoto that he looked stronger than when the man had pulled him into the embrace.

"Fine," Gokudera agreed after standing in silence for a while. "But you're starting off at the bottom, it's a restart. You're an acquaintance working up to friend. You've got trust to earn back."

"Okay!" Yamamoto said with a smile and a nod.

* * *

But… He's. Not. Like. You.


	8. Like You

The click of the locking door brought him to look up from the work on his desk. There before him stood the overwhelming figure of Hibari Kyoya.

"What do you want?" Gokudera snarled from his seat.

"I wasn't in the last chapter at all," Hibari complained, not realizing the fanfiction author had no reason to include him in the last chapter. Ryohei luckily got a lot more attention than usual.

"Whenever you appear, horrible things happen," Gokudera said as Hibari approached him.

"You mean I make horrible things happen," Hibari corrected as he sat on the desk, ruining all of Gokudera's work that was atop of it.

Gokudera gasped and tried to grab at the papers beneath Hibari. "What do you think you're—? Get off!"

Hibari grabbed Gokudera's chin and forced the man to look into his eyes.

"Listen," The Cloud Guardian growled. "I can make horrible things happen to Yamamoto Takeshi too if you continue getting close to him."

"Why are you doing this?" Gokudera shouted, slapping Hibari's hand away. "Why are you so bent on screwing up my life?"

"Why are you so bent on flying away from me? Stop acquiring meaningless lovers." He reached out for Gokudera's hand.

"I don't belong to you. I can do what I want," Gokudera said.

"And I'll do as I want."

"You're sick."

"I'm selfish. Just like everyone else."

Gokudera tried to make his way for the door but a tonfa extended in front of him interrupted his journey. He glared at Hibari.

"You're not going to let me out easily, are you?"

Hibari smirked as he removed his belt. "You can either leave here crawling after I bite you half to death or…" He pulled Gokudera onto the desk and into a rough kiss. "We can play."

"That first option sounds a lot more appealing right now," Gokudera snorted.

"You'd better take it seriously too," Hibari whispered, tonfa pressing harshly against the bottom of Gokudera's jaw so that Gokudera's tongue could feel the cold steel. "Your choice might answer what I've been wondering all along," He leaned in so that his lips were practically against Gokudera's ear. "Which are you, Hayato, a sadist or a masochist?"

* * *

Even though he knew Hibari had stepped out of Gokudera's office zipping up his pants just to purposefully piss him off, Yamamoto couldn't help but to let his anger get the better of him. He charged a Hibari, katana out and eyes filled with rage.

Hibari easily dodged the first fury fueled assault and all the ones that followed.

The Cloud Guardian grabbed the katana blade, allowing it to cut his hand a bit.

"Pathetic," he sneered. He pulled the sword from Yamamoto's grip and tossed it to the ground. "You're too clouded by passion right now, come at me later so we can settle this. Attacking out of annoyance doesn't suit you at all." He then strode off as though the previous events, the cut on his hand, his own frustration, hadn't fazed him at all.

Yamamoto picked up and put away his katana before cracking open the door to The Storm Guardian's office to find Uri mewing sadly by a severely beaten Gokudera.

"Close…" Gokudera wheezed. "Close the door! Don't come in here!" His words escaped his mouth in between pants.

Yamamoto did close the door, but he certainly wasn't going to leave.

* * *

He's. Not. Like. You.

* * *

Hibari rolled his fingers as Hibird hopped from digit to digit. Below them were a pile of defeated punks, lying in twitching, groaning heaps. Hibari was splattered in blood, it dripped from his fingers and chin and gathered in a pool around his feet.

"I can't tell which pisses me off more," Hibari murmured.

"The choices are?" Dino asked from around the corner, just arriving at the scene, but able to guess what had happened.

"Sadism or masochism," Hibari answered.

"Either way," Dino said smoothly with a smile as he walked past the unconscious bodies and stopped at Hibari's side. "Wouldn't you be a hypocrite?"

"Hypocrisy is natural and ultimately inevitable," Hibari replied as Hibird flew from his hand.

"True," Dino said, putting his hands on his hips. "What did these guys do to deserve such a beating anyhow?"

"Disturbed me while I'm in a bad mood."

"A most fiendish crime."

"What do you want?"

"An answer."

"To what?"

Dino laughed a bit. "To which pisses you off more."

* * *

Hibari lazily swung his legs over the side of the bed after looking out the window to the black sky.

"Definitely masochism," Hibari said as he stood to tug on his underwear and suit pants.

"Is that right?" Dino asked from where he was lying on the bed, naked and grinning.

"I would rather him genuinely hate me than hurt himself," Hibari explained, tugging his shirt on over his head. "It's no fun bringing pain to a dead thing."

"That's pretty cruel, I suppose," Dino chuckled.

"It seems so," Hibari said. "But his worth will go up when he begins to fight back."

"Then is this the last time?"

Hibari thought of how he says it's the last time every visit, but then after he's said this, he gets pissed off and Dino shows up. After a thought, he grunts.

"Is that a yes…?"

"Don't you have a girl in Italy?"

"Possibly my fiancée if she says yes. The Cavallone needs an heir," The smile stuck to Dino lips as Hibari leaned against the door, ready to leave the moment he becomes bored with the conversation. "But I don't see what that has to do with anything."

"True enough, you bisexual Bucking Bronco beast."

"Aren't we more alike than some would guess?"

Hibari bristled at this question. "Say anything like that again and I'll bite you to death."

Dino snickered before asking, "So, are you solely a sadist now?"

Hibari scoffed, "Haven't I always been?" Then he was gone.

* * *

He belonged to no one, yet he constantly felt like he was straying from unset limits. Clouds are trapped within raging storms that are encased in the sky, a sad, tightening cycle, unchanging and violent. Hurting itself, Hurting others, leaving little room for a peaceful day.

"_Name one thing you like."_

Hibari gazed at the sky as he stood atop a tall building that perfectly overlooked his town, the one he loved dearly for the reason that he owned it. It was his and so he would protect it with his life. Nurture it like a child until it was absolutely the way he wanted it.

"_Namimori."_

He thought of lining up each criminal in Namimori and disposing of them. The concept of watching the impurity of his community falling at his hands thrilled him with a spark that travelled through his veins, igniting a desire for combat.

"_Fighting, bloodshed, justice."_

Morality was a never-ending inquiry put forth for the human race, but a very black and white thing to Hibari Kyoya… or at least it was most times. He lately began to doubt the line between good and bad. Was it wrong to indulge yourself in something painful if it's possible that in doing so it would save others from anguish? Not that he cared much for people's emotions, he just pondered this on account that he was reassessing his own. Where did his obsession with Gokudera's agony stem from? Why did it frustrate him that Yamamoto may be able to relate to Gokudera better? How come he suddenly wanted to see what would happen if he were gentle to Gokudera?

"_A hero or villain?"_

There had to be a reason why he started to care about which one he was.

* * *

Yamamoto was an existence gentler and more helpful than what Gokudera was used to. Usually he found himself screaming at Hibari or having something demanded of him by Lambo, but Yamamoto was constantly offering and being… productive. Gokudera was amazed to wake up after falling asleep during a movie to find his apartment cleaner than it had been when he'd started snoozing. He wasn't sure what to say when Yamamoto took loads of work off his shoulders without asking for permission. And he was definitely new to surprise hugs from fingers that wanted nothing more than a loving touch as opposed to the lustful hands he found to be familiar. Yamamoto wasn't a lecherous demon or some starving kid. He also wasn't a freeloading lover or a scheming gangster. When he was by Gokudera's side, he was a comfortable presence, calming and pleasant.

He's. Not. Like. You. Gokudera didn't want to think about it. But what if he was confused? What if he was fooled by Gokudera's effeminate figure? But what if they were alike? What if he really did love him? No truly straight man would say something like that otherwise, right? Right?

* * *

"Isn't he the type who can only register anger?" The women gossiped.

"Yeah, I can't imagine Hibari-san with a lover."

"What a waste, he's so good looking!"

If Hibari were around, he would have heard them. He would have told them gossiping was shameful and then proceeded to threaten them. But, thankfully for the women, he wasn't so he couldn't. He was off again, somewhere out of the country as he often was, researching and dignifiedly escaping things he didn't want to think about, things he convinced himself weren't worth thinking about.

* * *

Gokudera could feel the taboo lingering in his thoughts and the sense didn't slip away as he voiced them. While passing a wet plate for Yamamoto to place in the dishwasher, Gokudera slowly let out a quiet, "Hey…"

"Hm?" Yamamoto replied happily putting the dish in place.

"Did you really mean it?"

"Mean what? That joke about Tsuna's hair? I already told you I was kidding!"

If Gokudera were in a better mood, he might've snickered at this.

"No," he said, setting a rinsed plate back in the sink, wanting to give the conversation all his attention. "You once said that… that you loved me."

"Oh, that," Yamamoto said, still grinning. "Of course! Have I only said it once? Should I say it again? I love—"

"Don't." Gokudera snapped, shocking Yamamoto. They stood in silence for a while. "What are we doing?" The silver-haired man laughed. "You come over every other day, watch movies, eat dinner, you sleep over and I wake up early so I have time to make you breakfast like we're goddamn newlyweds."

"Hayato…"

"When did you realize it? When did you start loving me?"

"You're acting weird. Maybe you should lie down."

"Answer me."

Yamamoto rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't know." He said. "Maybe I have for a long time, but I only realized it recently."

"How can you tell?" Gokudera questioned like it was an interrogation.

"Why are you acting like this?"

"You're straight, aren't you?" Gokudera yelled suddenly, head low and face burning. "How should I know you're not just confused? Have you ever been with a man before? Have you ever loved a man before? Why are you trying to convince yourself that—"

"How can you be so condescending?" Yamamoto asked calmly.

"What?" Gokudera raised his head to look at his friend.

"Acting like you know how I feel," He leaned against a kitchen counter. "Like I'm some child in need of your emotional guidance. Why do you have to be so sure that I'm gay, straight, bi, whatever in order to believe that I love you? No matter what the label is, I don't care, it doesn't matter. Call me anything you want, all I need is to be by your side whether that makes me your straight friend, your gay lover, your bisexual coworker, I don't care… as long as I can be there to protect you."

"Takeshi…" Gokudera then recollected himself, turned the faucet back on, and said, "You have just stepped up from acquaintance, congratulations on your hard work."

Yamamoto could only laugh.

* * *

It was about the fourteenth time when Gokudera put it all together. Shamal must have found out. That's why all texts and calls went ignored. His student had become the one thing he disgusted most. Gokudera couldn't even cry. This was what he was talking about, that ghost voice of the past.

_"It was at 16, my parents... it really hurt..."_

This was what they were talking about. His friends of that kind, more flamboyant than him and rivaling him in pride.

"For me, there was no difference between coming out and getting kicked out."

"Oh, I know! The day my parents found out, I was homeless."

"Honey, I was just 13 when it happened to me and I keep hearing 18 year-olds complaining about getting disowned. Shoot, I wish I could've been 'abandoned' at 18!"

He would just listen, having nothing to contribute, no heartbreaking coming out story to share, no coming out story of any sort really. And now here it was in front of him. Nowhere to get kicked out of, no ownership to be rebuked, but still he felt he understood a little better. Thinking about these tales, remembering these things… he couldn't even cry.

* * *

"That's ridiculous!" Tsuna said at his desk. Gokudera stood before him with a flushed face.

"Then why else, Tenth?" Gokudera asked, slightly flustered. "I mean usually he'd at least reply with something like 'Don't bother me while I'm working' or 'What should I care,' but it's just… he says _nothing_…" Gokudera looked to his feet.

Tsuna blinked, smile fading to a soft frown. There was no arguing with that. It was kind of weird. The Vongola boss had even just talked to Shamal this morning. The man didn't seem any different. Pretty normal. That's what made it seem both so strange and ridiculous.

"Face it," Gokudera scoffed. "He knows and now he hates me."

* * *

He usually entered the base silently though he rarely entered the base at all. He would always claim it was too crowded. Ironically enough, it was usually his Foundation members who crowded the place, shuffling around completing small tasks for their boss. This time was different.

Hibari marched into the underground headquarters with several subordinates behind him.

"Where is Gokudera Hayato?" He bellowed.

"Gokudera-san?" A brave passing by underling replied. "He went to Italy with Yamamoto not too long ago."

"What?" Hibari growled, sinister eyes narrowed.

The underling gulped, knees knocking. "S-something about meeting with Shamal, wedding preparations, and finishing some work there…"

At the sight of the climbing purple flames twisting and burning around Hibari, no one felt safe.

* * *

"Fucking bitch!" He shouted as he kicked at his futon and proceeded to beat anything else he could get his hands on. Knuckles white, vision red, flames raging a harsh, thick purple. He had patrolled the streets hoping to find some ne'er-do-wells to pummel, but so many feared the Vongola and their Cloud Guardian watchdog that evil deeds rarely went on in the open. So he never passed by gangsters making trades in any alleys or punks picking on the innocent. A disciplined silence seemed to fall over the town. One that Hibari had so proudly put in place. But now he stood among the debris of his anger, his home wrecked.

"When I had finally…" He fell to his knees before repeatedly punching the floor.

He had rushed back to Japan. Eager to see Gokudera. Wishing to tell him that he figured it out. Hoping to somewhat apologize. Anxious to tell him everything he's ever wanted to say.


	9. Why is the word Balance

**A/N: OMG, you guys, I'm so happy. I'd lost this chapter along with my flashdrive but now I found it... in a really obvious place, so I'm also feeling kind of dumb. But whatevs. There's like 2 more I think, I'll have to check my laptop and after I post those, I'll finish and post the last chapter. Hoorah! :)**

* * *

The dream changed. It started off as light now. Only light. With Yamamoto's comforting voice chiming through space. Adult Lambo's laughter. Gokudera was no longer running towards Tsuna, but standing beside him. But wait. Was that Tsuna? Tsuna's hair was never so dark. His eyes looked different too. Even the feel of his flames had changed, instead of bright, they felt cool. Every inch of the dream seemed to be light. Except for. Below him. A puddle of blackness. Crawling up his legs. Caressing his chin. It presses on his jaw like a finger. He's forced to look up into Shamal's eyes.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Gokudera jolted awake.

"We're here," Yamamoto said, tapping his friend's shoulder.

"Oh," Gokudera sighed. "Well, let's, um… wha… ow…" He rubbed his temples. "Man, I have a pretty bad headache. Sorry if I don't make sense." He stood to make his way off the plane and grab his carry-on things.

"Is that something that happens to you when you fly?"

"I… not really," he looked into the distance, remnants of the dream lingering on his heart.

* * *

"Benevenuti!" Dino called out happily as he stood in the doorway of his friends' hotel room.

"Dino!" Yamamoto replied just as happily. "When did you arrive?"

"Same time as you guys," he said, letting himself in. He scanned the room and whistled. "Pretty nice. Why not just stay with me or Mama and Papa though? It's kind of insulting, you know?" He moved to a chair in the living area and switched on the TV.

Yamamoto chuckled as he closed the door back. "Come on, now. We wouldn't want to bother those two. We'll definitely go visit them though." Yamamoto took up a seat across from him and propped his feet up on the ottoman planted pleasantly in the middle of the room. "And why would we want to intrude in on your bachelor pad?"

Dino left the television on a very dramatic soap opera. He didn't like them too much, but his girl often watched them so he was used to the noise.

"First off," he said pointing a finger in the air. "Mama and Papa would love the company! They've seemed 20 times lonelier ever since Lambo left from his last visit." Another finger. "Secondly, I'm not much of a bachelor these days… sadly." The two men laughed.

After a bit more small talk, Dino raised an eyebrow.

"Where's Hayato-kun?" he asked, looking about.

Yamamoto sighed and sunk into his chair a bit. "In the bedroom. He's been sulking ever since the plane ride. I think he had a bad dream."

"That's no good!" Dino yelled playfully. "We'll have to cheer him up. He can't be all depressed while you guys are in Italia!"

"Actually, Dino," Yamamoto said quite seriously. "I suppose we're here more for business than play, though I would like for him to cheer up also. He also came here to talk to Shamal."

"Why?" Dino's voice let on that he wasn't joking anymore. "What's happened?"

"After Hayato came out and the news spread, we guess Shamal heard. And you know how he is. He's been ignoring Hayato completely."

"Weird. He's seemed fine to me, normal Shamal."

They sat in silence for a bit before Dino asked, "Hey, do you think Hayato-kun is a masochist?"

Yamamoto paused. "Uh, I guess. Why?"

Dino shrugged and turned his attention to the women screaming at each other on television. Oh, the human drama, how natural, how inevitable. "I don't know. Just asking."

That night, Yamamoto and Dino talked as Gokudera sat awake, alone, thinking, trying not to sleep. Fearing sleep.

* * *

"Boys!" Nana shrieked gleefully as she swung the door open. She gave them each a hug. "It's been a while! How are you? Are you hungry? Iemitsu, it's Hayato and Takeshi, come here! Oh, Takeshi, you look stunning! Always such a handsome man! Come in, come in!" She pushed on their backs, guiding them inside.

Yamamoto pulled out a seat at the table for Gokudera who trudged over and sat slowly, sadly. Yamamoto then seated himself, watching as Nana scurried around the kitchen, talking.

"I have some snacks prepared just for you! You must have so much to tell me! I know two handsome young men like you must both have beautiful girlfriends! You'll have to tell me all about—Watch out, those Ossi di Morto might still be hot. I know it's too early for them, but I remember a few Novembers ago, Takeshi said he loved them so – tee hee – Could you tell me how Lambo-chan is doing? I'm always so worried about that boy. Sometimes I wonder what you all are teaching him… and feeding him! Haha, Iemitsu, honey, what are you doing? Come down here!"

Yamamoto picked up a cookie and then immediately dropped it to the floor, fingers red. "Hot!" he cried.  
"I told you," Mama Nana giggled, running a cloth under cold water. She then wrapped it around Yamamoto's finger and picked up the wasted cookie.

Yamamoto glanced at Gokudera whose head was on the table in a deep depression. He was actually kind of thankful for that since otherwise the silver-haired man would've just seen that embarrassing moment. Despite this, the Rain Guardian still found his face tinting pink.

"Well, lookie here!" Iemistu called out, making his way down the stairs with his cane in hand. "The Storm and the Rain… What's with the cloth?" He frowned as he approached the two, taking a seat at the table and then a cookie. "Ouch!" He shouted, dropping the Ossi di Morto. Mama Nana then had to repeat her earlier 'first aid.'

"You two look kind of worn-out. Everything okay?"

Yamamoto laid a hand on Gokudera's knee underneath the table. "…Not quite."

Nana brought them more snacks than they'd ever be able to eat and some tea, then was going to leave the room, but Yamamoto stopped her. He told her that there was something Gokudera wanted both of them to know. Something he wanted to discuss. Gokudera said nothing. With her brows furrowed with worry, further aging her slightly wrinkled face, Nana stood behind Iemitsu, grasping his shoulders. She urged Gokudera to speak. It wasn't like this other times. Before, he could just mention something, slip it in. He would puff out his chest and say it, because he knew he was ready, but this… it felt too much like what he didn't want. It was being forced, wasn't it? He lifted his head. He couldn't keep them waiting forever, they certainly weren't going to get any younger, so it was now or never, do or die, say it because they'll love him anyways. This Mama and Papa who took him in when he was some punk in a crappy apartment with a nosy landlady and what felt like only 5 yen to his name. He looked upon them with sad eyes, almost wishing they could see his memories play out in them and then they would take him into their arms and love the fear away. Mama hugged him. And he said it. Even if he lost one father and another, he knew he'd always have true parents to fall back on.

They rushed out the house. They should have been prepared for an explosive reaction like that. Gokudera was so scarred by it. He should've known it wouldn't go as he planned. All he wanted was a calm hug, silent love.

No, it just couldn't be that way, could it?

Iemitsu had to start cheering him on and Nana just had to squeal and make more cookies. That's exactly what they didn't need. Gokudera didn't consider himself flamboyant, so he assumed that all the loud and proudness must've gone to Nana and Iemitsu who wanted to celebrate. Nana kept bragging that she had thought so and was happy that he was on his way to becoming happy. Iemistu even dared to turn on music and dance, he suspected himself of pulling a muscle only seconds in, so he stopped that ridiculousness, but the music remained pumping. Yamamoto thought he would die of laughter, but became alarmed when Nana began trying to overfeed him.

"Should I bake rainbow cookies? That'd be cute, right?"

"Do it, Nana! That's a great idea! And we should hang a rainbow flag next to the Japanese one outside!"

"Wonderful idea, dear!"

"No, Mama! Don't do any of that, it's too much!"

"Don't be so selfish, Hayato! Me and Papa want to be proud of you too!"

"I don't hang a straight flag in front of my apartment, do I? So please—"

"There's a straight flag? Nana, we should get one of those too so we don't seem to be picking favorites!"

"True, true! We're proud of all our kids!"

Gokudera was about to yell at them more, but the part of his heart that the dream had iced over, melted and he wanted to enjoy the sensation of his proud parents just a bit longer.

* * *

"What time is it?" Gokudera yawned as they strolled the streets of Italy. "Those two really wore me out."

Yamamoto chuckled slightly. "It's only 2:47. At least they got you back in your spirits somewhat."

"Yeah, yeah," Gokudera scoffed. "I was never acting that down in the first place."

"What? Yeah, you were! You didn't even talk to me at all last night!"

Gokudera's face turned red. "Of course, you idiot! I was asleep before you! Speaking of which, what the hell is with the hotel room?"

"What do you mean?"

When Gokudera had woken up that morning, he came to find that the other half of his Queen-sized bed was rumpled. He smelled breakfast cooking in the kitchen and was thankful to Yamamoto for that, but worried that the man might not have gotten any sleep. He had gone to bed early, but Yamamoto managed to wake up before him. Gokudera decided to go check Yamamoto's room for any sign that the man had slept, but could only find one bedroom and one bed. And that was his own. In this room, his and Yamamoto's things were laid out, same in the attached bathroom. Toothbrushes stood side by side. One razor lied on each side of the sink. A red and a blue towel hung up on a rack. On one nightstand were Gokudera's glasses as well as a book on humans making contact with extraterrestrials (a very good read, in Gokudera's opinion), on the other was Yamamoto's phone and mP3 player. If the Storm Guardian hadn't been so bummed out, he probably would've screamed or threw Yamamoto's stuff into a closet before telling him to sleep there. But Gokudera was too tired, too lost in thought.

"I was going to mention something earlier, but…. I can't believe this," Gokudera crossed his arms and shook his head. "I give you the duty of arranging everything hotel-related and you do this?"

"It was the last one!"

"Lies!"

"No, I swear!"

"Takeshi, just tell the truth!"

"That is the truth!"

"This is your last chance or our relationship starts back at square one!"

Gokudera glared up at Yamamoto who blushed profusely.

"Fine…!" he shouted. "The honest truth is…." His face was burning hot. "It was the last room that…" He gulped. "That…"

"That what? Spit it out!"

"That you can see the Steno Borghese Stadium from!"

"…What."

Yamamoto rubbed the back of his neck. "If you squint and stand on the balcony, you can see it. I didn't sleep much because I spent most of the night… trying to… see it…"

Gokudera didn't know whether he should find it extremely cute that Yamamoto cared so much about a baseball field or if he should think it was extremely infuriating. He decided it was infuriatingly cute.

That night, they spent an hour together on the balcony, watching the stadium lights shine.

* * *

It couldn't have been earlier than 8 AM when Gokudera rose, slipping out, trying not to awaken a smiling Yamamoto. This attempt was in vain.

"Are you going?" Yamamoto asked drowsily.

"Yes," Gokudera replied with a face of stone.

"Want me to go with you?"

"No," Gokudera said as he began getting dressed. "I need to do this on my own."

"When you get back, there's some stuff we could do for Ryo-san and Hana," He thought for a second. "If you're up to it."

"Don't worry," Gokudera said, hand on the doorknob. "No matter what happens… I'll do my best to stay…" He didn't know how to finish his sentence. Confident? Happy? Sane? He wouldn't really say he was any of those things to begin with. And he was kind of sick of it. He was ready to be all of that and more. In fact, he could feel it. Emotional strength was on the cusp of his heart, now if only things would keep it from breaking.

* * *

For a while he simply watched from the doorway. The office door was cracked open enough for him to peek in.

Inside was a normal Shamal. He was with a female patient, the only sex he treated. He was being flirty, perverted, and of course, down-right inappropriate. Occasionally, he'd put on a serious face such as when he was looking at papers or typing on the computer. Eventually, Shamal got his job done and afterwards pestered the girl with his false love. The girl was, as usual, disgusted and proceeded to run out.

This left the door wide open and Gokudera revealed which didn't matter much since Shamal knew he'd been standing there the whole time.

Shamal didn't say hi or anything. He went on about his business.

"I'm here to talk to you," Gokudera said, stepping into the room. Still, nothing. "I want to confirm why you've been ignoring me." Nothing. "It's like I'm literally invisible to you." Nothing. "Can't you be a man and say one thing?"

Here, Shamal stood and walked past Gokudera, heading out. Enraged, Gokudera grabbed his mentor by the arm and pulled him back inside the room. "Answer me, dammit!"

"Don't you talk to me about being a man. Ever. Again." Shamal whispered harshly from where he stood beside Gokudera, not even looking the other man in the eyes. "You wanted me to say something. There you go. Now, leave."

"Shamal…"

Then the doctor exited the room in a glum hush. Gokudera stared after him, feeling his throat close up and eyes stinging. He didn't cry. This wasn't his father. He wasn't being kicked out or disowned. What right would he have to cry over this? Over being ignored by a man who he'd never have to talk to again? But then he thought of how much he'd wanted to talk to him. How much he'd wanted to tell him about all that's happened. He already knew the replies he'd get though. Things about toughening up and having backbone. If Gokudera were younger, Shamal might've even ruffled his hair and called him a brat. He would have lovingly teased him, built him up for the worst things that the world would dish out. Shamal would have secretly threatened Hibari, offended that someone would harm his student. He might've jokingly demanded that Yamamoto take good care of Gokudera. Gokudera thought up several events, phrases, feelings that could have happened, but didn't. There he stood in the doctor's office with no pat on the shoulder or "What are you waiting for, kid?" Only an empty rejection.

* * *

Gokudera entered the hotel room and threw his keys on the table. Yamamoto rushed to his side.

"What happened?" He asked quickly. "Are you okay?"

"He said 'Don't you talk to me about being a man ever again' and then told me to go," Gokudera answered simply.

"That's—That's it?"

"That's it."

"So," Yamamoto began awkwardly. "You good? Are you okay?"

"I think so," Gokudera replied. He wasn't lying either. He really thought so. There didn't appear to be anything psychologically damaged about him so far.

"Well, that's good."

"That is good."

"Then let's go help get these wedding preparations started."

"Yeah… Hey… do you think Shamal is invited to the wedding?

* * *

_"Haha, that's so something Shamal would've said."_

_"Shamal has a shirt that same color."_

_"Shamal does stuff like that all the time."_

_"Don't you think Shamal would've found that funny? I think he would've."_

_"Shamal once took me there when I was a kid. I think someone paid him to. It was fun. I think."_

_"These shoes are nice. Shamal would like these."_

_"I remember Shamal ate a bunch of those once! It was hilarious."_

_"That girl reminds me of this woman Shamal dated for a while. Then, again a lot of girls do."_

"That restaurant looks nice. It sells the type of food that Shamal—"

"Stop it!" Yamamoto shouted finally, slamming his foot down.

"Stop what?" Gokudera retorted, shocked.

"For the past three days, it's been Shamal this and Shamal that." Yamamoto stroked his temples. "I get it! You miss him! But please, it's giving me a headache and now his name sounds weird. Like when you repeat a word too many times."

Gokudera scoffed. "What are you talking about?"

"Repeat a word a bunch of times, it'll sound weird. Try it," Yamamoto suggested.

A pause then, "Shamal Shamal Shamal Shamal Sha—"

"Anything but that name!"

* * *

Yamamoto laid on the sofa, television on a soap opera and Dino sitting in a chair with his feet on the ottoman.

"It's like some strange happy depression," Yamamoto complained. "I can't take much more."

"Sounds like he's in denial," Dino said. "Like he's trying to relive what he no longer has."

"Whoa, that's deep, Dino," Yamamoto commented, cracking open a beer.

"How rare to see Yamamoto Takeshi drinking his way out of stress," The blond laughed. "Could it be you've become crazed like the rest of us at last? I've been waiting for this day."

Yamamoto huffed. "That's not funny. It's just been hard is all."

"No, no, I understand." He looked to the scene playing out on the soap opera. A man was serenading a stubborn woman who only rolled her eyes throughout. "I actually have a wine cellar, not to seem fancy or to collect expensive wines like some connoisseur, but sometimes… it just makes a nice escape." He stared as the man on the screen proceeded to kiss the woman gently on the knuckles, some of the disdain slipping out her eyes.

Yamamoto took a sip of the beer. "It just feels like if it's not one thing, it's another. Especially when Hayato is involved."

"Did work go badly today?"

"Not exactly. Just… not smooth, y'know? Something feels wrong." He looked to the bedroom door, through which the weeping angel was sleeping soundly. "Life's off kilter, I don't know, just—everything is clunky."

"Clunky?" Dino snickered. "What an interesting way to describe your mood."

"Well, let's just hope work goes better tomorrow, eh?" Another sip.

"Yeah… it'll be better tomorrow, just wait and see." Dino then stood and stretched. "I'm gonna head out now." He pat Yamamoto on the shoulder as a good-bye.

Yamamoto nodded his own farewell then gazed at the ceiling, deep in thought. He didn't even notice the danger around the corner for the innocent man and woman on the TV. He didn't notice as the woman's ex-lover glared at them from afar.


	10. So off Kilter?

**A/N: This may very well be my favorite chapter with some of my favorite scenes so far. Just saying xD**

* * *

"Are you sure?" Yamamoto asked.

"Of course," Hibari said on the other side of the phone, picking at the dried blood underneath his nails. "What reason would I tell to do so you otherwise?"

"It's just…" Yamamoto said unsurely. "I always thought they were a hostile group."

"I recently visited them and cut a deal. If they show any sign of violence then we have all the right to go crazy on them." He scoffed. "You didn't think I was just playing around in Italy, did you?"

"No, but—"

"Exactly. I was getting things done. Now you should get going so you can do the same." He grit his teeth as his thumb dug at some stubborn solid blood lodged beneath the nail of his middle finger. "Trust me, Yamamoto Takeshi. Anything happening to you would be counter-productive to the Vongola, counter-productivity for the Vongola is counter-productive towards Foundation and that would surely be counter-productive towards the progression of Namimori." He looked out over the city from the rooftop he commonly returned to during periods of thought and plotting. "And you know how much Namimori means to me."

Yamamoto blinked, thought, then nodded. "I'm off then."

Hibari grunted something unintelligible then hung up the cell phone and put his hands in his pockets.

"_Name one thing you like…"_

_You._

* * *

Gokudera woke up for the sixth morning in a row to see rumpled sheets and a dressed Yamamoto.

He rubbed his eyes. "What are you doing?" he asked sleepily.

"I have a solo mission," Yamamoto answered. "I'll see you later."

"Wait," Gokudera called, reaching out.

Touched by the desperate plea, Yamamoto turned around and walked back to the bed. "What is it?"

"The dream I had last night…" Gokudera grabbed Yamamoto's hand. "It made me want to tell you."

The fully Japanese man could feel heat rising to his face, but he tried to act like he wasn't flustered.

Gokudera stood and wrapped his arms around Yamamoto. "That I…" Gokudera could feel that his mouth was dry. He wanted some water. It was too early in the morning. Why'd he stand up? Where's the bed? He should have gotten more sleep. A snore.

"Hey!" Yamamoto yelled.

"Huh?" Gokudera slurred as his eyes slowly opened.

"You were about to make a love confession, but you fell asleep right in the middle of it!" Yamamoto laughed. He felt he should've been angrier, but it was these kinds of memories with Gokudera that he knew he'd cherish most.

"I was?" Gokudera's face flushed. "God, I must've been tired if I was going to do something like that!"

"Aw, come on, don't be that way! Say it!"

Gokudera huffed. "What's the point now; you already know what I was going to say!"

Yamamoto's eyes went wide. "That's really what you were…"

Gokudera turned away from him, feeling like his whole upper body was on fire. He couldn't believe how stupid he was being! "I…" he started. "I really really really really really really really really like you, okay?" He spouted nervously.

It was enough to make Yamamoto grab the silver-haired man and plant a kiss on his forehead. In truth, he wanted to do a lot more in that moment, perfectly heated and ready to go, but he had things to do so that would have to suffice along with a firm, but affectionate, "I love you too."

* * *

He truly was an idiot. No, maybe it was more of his classic naivety that got him into that predicament. Or the unbelievable capacity for trust that he held. Or maybe Hibari was a good salesman. Or maybe the Rain Guardian was too kind or too optimistic, hoping for the best and seeing only the light side to people. It didn't really matter. He made a mistake. He really should have seen it coming. It was so predictable looking back on it. It was almost written out. How did he not know it'd be an ambush?

The first thing he worried about was hiding. The spot he'd found was pretty good. It was a narrow hall that conveniently had some metal and wooden boxes and barrels stacked in it. The group must have been transporting them somewhere. The containers were most likely filled with illegal drugs and other black market items. He'd quietly sit there and text for back-up.

The second thing he had begun worrying about were the bullet wounds and the chunk of lead still snugly embedded in his side. He applied pressure and tried his best to ignore the pain. Other than that he had several more injuries to deal with. Blood was everywhere and there was no way he could attend to even half of the open cuts that covered his body.

The third thing he worried about was not being prepared to die. He wasn't ready to face death yet. He never realized how much he wanted to do. A lot of those things were with Gokudera. He wanted to make more memories. No matter how many moments he spent reminiscing as he blacked out, he wanted to add more to the collection. A lifetime of them.

…

_"Can I stay here a night?"_

_"I guess." _

_"Thanks."_

_"So, why're you here? And wet?"_

_"Hibari was being a jerk. And it's raining. Obviously."_

_"Sounds like you didn't even fight back."_

_"I didn't-? What? I…" _

…

_"Where are you going in such a hurry?"_

_"There's a lot of work that has to be done. I need to get all this finished soon."_

_"How about I take over everything here so you'll have time for yourself later?"_

_"I… I guess that's okay. Well… thank you…"_

_"No problem."_

…

_"Why do you still talk to him?" _

_"It's something I'll have to figure out."_

_"Tell me when you do."_

_"Even though I'm so terrible, why do __**you **__still talk to __**me**__?"_

_"I'll tell you when I figure that out."_

…

_"What are you doing?"_

_"Helping."_

_"Oh…"_

_"Is it not okay?"_

_"It's okay, it's just… no one's ever helped before."_

…

_"Awake?" _

_"I give up on love. I'm starting to wonder why I tried to find it in the first place."_

_"It's okay. Everything will be all right."_

_"Why do you say that?" _

_"Because I won't let it all fall apart."_

_"Why not?"_

_"Because you're my friend."_

_"I never do this for you."_

_"It's okay." _

…

" _Where you headed?" _

_"Where do you think I'm going?"_

_"Please, stay with me."_

…

"_Our friendship never meant anything to me in the first place!" _

_"It may not mean something to you, but our friendship is the world to me. I don't care if that's the closest I can get to you as long as I can stay by your side."_

_"Isn't that a painful thing to do?"_

_"Very, but I don't care because I love you."_

…

_"Did you really mean it? You once said that… that you loved me."_

_"Of course! Have I only said it once? Should I say it again? I love—"_

_"Don't. You're straight, aren't you? Why are you trying to convince yourself that—"_

_"How can you be so condescending? Why do you have to be so sure that I'm gay in order to believe that I love you?"_

_"You have just stepped up from acquaintance, congratulations on your hard work."_

…

"_I really really really really really really really really like you!"_

…

He replayed that last memory over and over. He almost laughed at himself for being afraid of dying. There was no way he was going to die. Gokudera would hate him if he did that. Casually, he thought of life and how he would continue on no matter what.

* * *

"Takeshi-kun," A gruff voice called out to him. "Takeshi-kun, are you okay?"

Yamamoto squinted against the light. He'd had a weird dream. A girl standing by a tree, giggling, stretching a hand out to him. She was saying something, but he couldn't quite make it out. He sat up.

"Where am I?" he groaned. "What happened?"

"Takeshi!" Haru exclaimed, hugging the man. "I was so worried!"

Yamamoto attempted to keep his eyes open. It'd take some time to adjust to the brightness. "Where's Hayato?" he asked.

Haru put her hands on her hips. "A cute girl greets you after wake up from a coma and you ask about that grump?"

"Coma?" Ryohei raised an eyebrow. "Haru, he's only been out for an **extreme** two days. I've taken naps longer than that!"

"Whatever! Regardless, he should—Takeshi, where are you going?"

Stumbling, half-blinded, Yamamoto replied, "Need to find Hayato…"

"Takeshi…" Haru whispered as she watched the man go. "Ryo-san, he's in love, isn't he?"

Ryohei sighed. "That would be my guess."

* * *

Wobbling through a hallway, he saw Gokudera through the slit of an open door. He was about to rush in, but spotted an interesting scene. The silver-haired man was calmly talking to Hibari.

"I'm telling you it was an accident, Hayato."

"I know what you're telling me, but what I want is the truth!"

"You honestly believe I would attempt to kill Yamamoto Takeshi?"

"I certainly wouldn't put it past a rat bastard like you."

"I suppose you should think horribly of me. That's my fault."

"Of course it is, you dickhead!"

"If only I wasn't competing against that goddamn saint, right?"

"What… what are you talking about?"

"Forget it. Just get out."

"Hibari…"

"Get out!"

Gokudera then came storming out of the room.

"Can you believe the nerve of that—Takeshi!" He immediately pulled the taller Mafioso into a kiss, both shocking and pleasing him. Yamamoto would've kissed back, but he still felt a bit weak. It was after the kiss that he noticed bandages placed every other place on Gokudera's body.

"Hayato, you're hurt," Yamamoto stuttered.

"Thanks, I hadn't noticed," Gokudera laughed. "I'm so glad you're awake."

"What happened?"

"I was wondering when you were going to ask that!" He motioned for the brunet to walk with him down the corridor. "I got your text asking for help, so I called our closest allies to head on over while I was speeding there. When I got arrived, I was a bit outnumbered, so I sustained some damage, but then reinforcements came. Their strength is their numbers, but with that advantage gone, they didn't stand a chance. You were bleeding everywhere, so I was kind of freaking out and didn't know what to do, so I…" At this part, Gokudera nervously licked his lips and gulped. His eyes glazed over. "I went crawling to Shamal like I was a kid again. A kid crying and begging for Mom to kiss the hurt away. He told me to send you to Ryohei, but he—" He blinked back tears. "He healed me. I must have been in worse shape than I thought because I think I saw him cry and he scolded me. 'Never scare me like that again,' he said. 'Never die with a terrible last memory of me,' he said. I was so happy…" He wiped at his eyes with his sleeve.

Yamamoto put his arm around Gokudera and smiled. He was sincerely thankful that Gokudera and Shamal had made-up, but he had a bit of a bigger concern on his head. Was Hibari out to kill him…?

* * *

A new dream. Or was it old? Or was it a dream at all? It couldn't have been new, Gokudera remembered this. It could only be a dream, that reality was hazy.

Warm hands wrap around him during a cold dusk. The rooftop overlooks the whole city.

"This is my favorite place."

"It's so beautiful." Strong eyes on him.

"I guess. Maybe that's why I want to protect it."

A breeze transitions to high school graduation, cherry blossoms everywhere. A mocking clap.

"I'm surprised. I suppose some sort of congratulations are in order."

"Oh, shut up. Can't you just be seriously happy for me for once?"

Soft lips on his forehead.

"Can't you believe that I am?"

A cherry blossom swoops across his vision and brings him to his kitchen late in the morning. He was secure in possessive arms as he cooked bacon and sausage. A head nuzzled against the nape of his neck.

"I smell meat."

"You really are a carnivore, huh?"

A nip.

"Ow!"

"Another comment like that and I'll bite you to death."

A turn so that they face each other.

"I might like that."

A kiss as the strong arms coolly move meat from the pan to the plate without looking. The focus flashes to a room pooled with moonlight. Gokudera is only slightly awake, eyes closed and breathing slow, lips drifted apart. Someone is softly touching his cheek, stroking it, feeling the smooth skin. The touch is so comforting and delicate, Gokudera moves towards it, nuzzling his face against it. A whisper.

"Don't be afraid.

I will break you until your numb.

So numb, you won't feel pain anymore.

I will hurt you.

I will protect you."

Gokudera thinks he wants to cry, but most of all, he doesn't want the touch to leave. No matter what. Even if it rips him in half. A sweep to a dark room.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know. It all happened so fast."

A rage, jealous and powered. He couldn't be affected by this. A lie was in order.

"Like I care who you wave your ass at."

A dramatic exit. "You slut!"

Gokudera's eyes burned relentlessly. His stomach felt empty. His heart felt crushed, like all its veins and blood were popping loose. His legs went numb. His throat too dry to scream. Somewhere, not too far away, a prince lurked, wondering if he should come to the rescue.

There is only light. A man beside him. He's not running anymore. Yamamoto's voice, sympathetic and muted. The man beside him. Who is it?

"Hayato…

Hayato…

Haya—"

"Hayato-chan! Wake up!" Haru screeched in his ear.

"Waaaah!" Gokudera screamed as he shot up then glared at Haru. "What the hell's wrong with you?"

Haru giggled. "Oops! Sorry!" She stood next to the bed of the Vongola base's first aid office where Gokudera laid. His hair was tied back and bandages still dotted his skin. "Everyone's going out to eat! You should come along! I was just letting you know! Bye, Ha-ya-to-chan!" A skip and she was gone.

Annoyance tickled at Gokudera's mood.

* * *

Haru closed the door to the room Gokudera was resting in just as Yamamoto was approaching.

"Oh, did you tell him?" The recovering man asked. He had a splint and some gauze still wrapped to him. "I kind of wanted to do that," he admitted with a smile.

Haru stuck her tongue out. "You're getting too close to him, Takeshi," she whined. "He's bad for you, you know?"

Yamamoto's nose scrunched up in distaste. "Why? Because he's gay?"

Haru laughed, "Oh, not because of that, Takeshi! I'm not prejudice like that! I love the gays!" She pat his shoulder kiddingly. Her eyes became narrow and her smile resembled somewhat of a smirk. "But I question if your feelings are requited."

Yamamoto blinked in confusion. "What are you talking about? He recently told me that he…"

"He what?" Haru asked with curiosity lingering in her voice.

"He really liked me…" He felt like an idiot. What kind of argument was that? What kind of proof of love was really liking someone?

Haru bit her lip and shook her head. "I'm sorry, Takeshi," she said. More empathetic now. "But I think he really likes Hibari-kun too."

"What? You're crazy, Haru!"

"Crazy? Takeshi, you're cruel. How could you say that to Haru when she stuck by your side the entire time you were unconscious while Hayato-chan ran off with Hibari-kun during the whole thing? How could you say that when she once woke up early every morning just to make you breakfast and stayed up late waiting for you to come home just so she could greet you? When Haru used to laugh with you until we fell asleep? How could you say that to Haru when she loves you, Takeshi, even if she's not in love with you! You're cruel, Takeshi, you're really cruel!" The girl then ran off, crying.

Yamamoto could only stand there, trying to figure out what the hell just happened.

* * *

"Is what Haru said true?" Yamamoto asked as he burst into the room.

"What?" Gokudera asked groggily from where he laid on the bed, reflecting.

"She said you were with Hibari while I was unconscious."

"Uh…" The silver-haired man moaned.

"Answer me!" Yamamoto yelled.

"Uhg, shut up! It's too early…"

Yamamoto tore the sheets off the bed and crawled atop Gokudera. "Wake the hell up and answer my question."

"Fuck, fine!" Gokudera shouted. "What do you want?"

"Haru says you were with Hibari the whole time I was unconscious. Is that true?"

"Yes, you idiot!"

Yamamoto was taken aback. "'You idiot?' Why are you getting mad at me? You're the one who—"

"Are you fucking retarded?" Gokudera groaned. "I'm almost 100 percent sure the man tried to kill you and you're lying there vulnerable as hell. What good would sitting by you do? I went to interrogate and watch Hibari right after we got back to Japan. I wouldn't and didn't leave that devil out my sight until I knew you were awake and well. Can I go back to sleep now?"

Yamamoto hung over his weeping angel for a few more seconds, embarrassed by his outrage. "I-I'm sorry."

"Mm-hm, I know you are. Now, goodnight," he curled up in the nearest blanket.

"'Fraid not," Yamamoto said with a kiss to Gokudera's brow. "We're going out to eat with everyone." Another groan.

* * *

They all laughed. Kyoko sat by Hana who sat by Ryohei who sat by Yamamoto who sat by Gokudera who sat by Lambo who sat by Fuuta who sat by I-Pin who sat by Haru who sat by Tsuna who sat by Kyoko.

They all laughed and smiled as though there was nothing wrong with each of their lives. Tsuna pretended as though he wasn't having nightmares of his own incompetence that ravaged him with an unreal anxiety even when his eyes were open. Kyoko pretended she didn't envy Hana's looks, life, and confidence. Hana pretended she wasn't scared shitless by her upcoming marriage just as Ryohei pretended that they hadn't been arguing about it last night. Lambo pretended that he wasn't staring at Fuuta and Fuuta pretended he hadn't noticed Lambo staring at him while I-Pin pretended she hadn't been anticipating becoming a third wheel. Haru pretended she only loved Takeshi as a friend. That's right, nothing more. Yamamoto pretended he wasn't doubting Gokudera's affection. There's no way he suspected the man was going to cheat with Hibari. For that matter, he had to pretend that he and Gokudera were together so it could even be considered cheating. Gokudera pretended he wasn't as torn as ever. That his heart lied in one hand. He pretended he was confident. He pretended that he was happy. He pretended he was sane.

Hibari, in his office with only Hibird by his side, pretended he didn't care.

And they all put on some damn good performances too.

* * *

"_What's love like?"_

"_You've never been in love?"_

"_I don't know. Could you tell me if I have?"_

"_Let's find out."_

"_I think I was, I really cared about them and smiled a lot when they were around."_

"I think I'm in love," Lambo said suddenly over dinner.

When had things returned to normalcy? Gokudera wondered. He didn't really care, it soothed him. There was something oddly relaxing about Lambo's complaining today. Shrill reminders of their other times togeth—wait, what did Lambo just say?

"You think—? Hold on, what? Who?" Gokudera sputtered.

The boy's face turned beet red. "There's no way I could tell you who! It's a really weird love, like, goodness! Why I did I choose them out of all people!" He covered his face. "It's not even one of my precious kittens!"

"You creep me out with that sometimes," Gokudera said. At his school, Lambo had a substantial fanbase mostly compromised of young women. He called these girls (and others) "kittens." It really made Gokudera feel like little Lambo was some kind of strange pimp with a harem that existed under a very pervy name.

"I just don't understand it!" Lambo griped. "There's no way I love that person, there's just no way…"

Gokudera propped his elbow on the table and placed his head in his hand. "You will come to learn that most loves you probably won't understand at first. That's how you know they're true."

"Huh?"

"If you can easily say 'I love this person for their looks' or 'I love this person because of how nice they are,' that's simply admiration. You admire their personality or appearance. After you're next to the person and know you love them, but can't give one shitty reason why, in that moment when you have no explanation for their perfection, when you've realized you've found a way to hate the one you love or love the one you hate, then there's no denying that love. A love that can surpass anger," A thought back to the times he's yelled at Yamamoto and feared Hibari disappearing, followed by a slightly confused smile. "How can someone say that's not real?"

Lambo stared in amazement at the elegance of Gokudera. His friends had really grown up without him. I-Pin with a job came to his mind and a little more painful, Fuuta in college. He felt so left behind. He could see everyone's backs as they strode off to power leaving little Lambo by himself.

"But love, huh?" Gokudera said, bringing Lambo back. "That's a big step towards adulthood. Congrats, kid."

With a soft smile, Lambo nodded. Maybe he was closing the distance even if by a few inches.

* * *

Gokudera ran his fingers through his hair and grimaced. He was pretty sure there were a few split ends and the tips were begging for a trim. He needed a haircut. He often got Haru to do it for him. She was good enough and enjoyed their bonding that way. Now, that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. He was pretty sure she was more than slightly pissed off at him. He was wandering headquarters, refreshed to be upset over a thing so small when a Foundation member ran up and grabbed his arm.

"Come quick!" The burly man said. "Yamamoto-san and Hibari-san are about to get into a serious fight!"

"What?" Gokudera snarled in shock.

He sprinted off. He had to save him. He couldn't let him get hurt. He had protect him.


	11. The Angel, the Saint, and the Mortal

The room wasn't used often by the adult Guardians. It was for training and though anyone could always improve, doing so for them could only happen on the battlefield, not in a solid steel cage. That training room was now being illicitly put to use again as a container for their brawl. Hibari had sent a note of challenge on a scroll, because he's old school like that and Yamamoto accepted it because he's noble like that. So, there the two stood, feet away from each other, one gripping a sword and the other clutching onto his tonfa.

"Finally, you've healed completely." Hibari said, the moments seeming to pass by more slowly than usual. "Too bad I'm going to have to re-do all that damage."

"You're kidding me," Yamamoto said with a slight smile. "I'm going to have to inflict all that pain on you, so you understand what it's like."

"You know, Yamamoto Takeshi," Hibari scoffs. "I'd say we're both honorable men in our own right."

Yamamoto grumbled, "I wouldn't say as much," under his breath, which Hibari either ignored, didn't care about, or he didn't hear it altogether.

"Therefore, this will be a flameless battle. We both are well aware that our wills are powerful, mine being more notably potent," – Yamamoto rolls his eyes. – "But I want to test your skills to see if they can properly back up that resolve. This will answer what I want to know—"

A flash and he's gone. Yamamoto spins on his heel to deflect the sudden attack creating the panging sound of metal that rings throughout the large room. It's a softer sound, projecting loudly due to acoustics and the fact that no other noise was being made. It was the eye of the hurricane, the quick quiet before the storm.

"—Which of us is strong enough to protect Hayato, to be his hero?"

* * *

"Tenth!" Gokudera shouted, running to Tsuna who was hurrying down the hall.

"Hayato!" Tsuna turned to him. "Do you know what exactly is going on?"

"I think I have a pretty good idea and that's why…" Gokudera took a breath as Tsuna raised an eyebrow at him. "That's why I need you to back off."

"What?" Tsuna snapped.

"Listen," Gokudera began. "I know the boss should handle disputes between the guardians, but this is my fault, so _I_ need to fix it."

"Hayato, I don't have time for this," Tsuna said. "Who knows what those two'll do while—"

"I know, I know! But you need to trust me. I can stop this. I can end it."

Tsuna stared in to Gokudera's determined eyes then sighed.

"Alright," he said. "Only because you seem to know what's going on better than I do."

"Thank you, Tenth," Gokudera said, bowing. He then darted off in the direction of the training room.

"But!" Tsuna shouted after him. "If you can't stop them in 5 minutes, I'll do it myself!"

* * *

A dodge of a fearsome jab to the head. A counterattack blocked. Metal slammed into his jaw. A blade cut at his side. A blow. A slice. A kick. A hit. The battle was fast-paced, the opponents resembled dancers in a violent ballet. Their stage was a warzone. Their story was blood.

Yamamoto was flung into a wall, blood leaking from his mouth as his katana slips from his fingers. A tonfa plunged into his stomach adds to the liquid dripping from over his lips.

"It's over," Hibari said.

"Think again!" Yamamoto yelled, grabbing the tonfa that pushed into his abdomen and yanking it out Hibari's hands. It is then that he used this opening to headbutt the other man who stumbled back a few feet from the shot. Yamamoto seized his katana before tossing Hibari's tonfa to his feet.

"Pick it up," he demanded. "Let's keep going."

Gokudera felt like his heart was going to burst out his chest as he dashed towards the training ground. I'm almost there, he thought. Just hang on!

* * *

His katana swung downward only to be met with the metal of a tonfa. A tonfa rushed forward only to clash with the defending sword. Hibari glared at his rival. He hated being so evenly matched. He wasn't going to lose. He thought of getting rid of Yamamoto with his own hands and had to fight back a grin. The next thought tortured him though. Gokudera screaming at him, asking him why, telling him how much he hates him, crushed once again. He'd seen that picture so many times. Heard those cries over and over. And each time it pleased him less and less. The frown on his face grew deeper as he began doing something he rarely did. Doubting himself. What was he trying to accomplish? Where was this going to get him? If winning meant Gokudera hating him, how much did he really want to win?

"Stop!" Gokudera hollered as the bombs he placed on the locked training room door exploded.

"Hayato," Hibari murmured, distracted, eyes now focused only on the Storm Guardian. A cut to his cheek. His concentration switches again, narrow eyes back on the fight. He was about to meet the oncoming slash with a vicious hit of his own but stopped mid-movement at the sight of Gokudera in between them. Yamamoto did the same. The three frozen in a second. The brunet men paused in their conflict as Gokudera stood there, head low and arms outstretched.

"Stop it right now!" He commanded. Some silence. "Lower your weapons, both of you!"

The ping of weapons dropping to the ground.

Gokudera slowly raised his head, chest heaving.

"Hayato…" Yamamoto mutters. "I—"

He goes disregarded as Gokudera hugged Hibari.

"You idiot!" The silver-haired man bawled. "What were you thinking?" He grabbed Hibari by the face and gaped at the cut seeping blood on his cheek. "You're hurt," he glanced down. "Everywhere. Why did you keep fighting! You've got cuts all over."

"I'm fine," Hibari grunts stubbornly before sending Yamamoto a pouting, but sly look. Yamamoto could feel his blood boil, face scrunching up in fury. He took hold of his katana once more.

"Out of the way, Hayato," Hibari said, also taking up his tonfa.

"No," Gokudera said firmly before whispering, "You don't have to compete anymore."

Hibari then leaned down and placed a soft kiss on his forehead. "Thank you," he whispered then forcibly pushed the shocked Gokudera out the way.

Hibari and Yamamoto wasted no time to begin charging each other. Just as they were going to settle their dispute once and for all, they leapt back, large orange flames shooting out from either side of a center point. The whole training room lit brightly as the fires blazed for several seconds eventually calming down to reveal Tsuna standing amongst the chaos, face strict with a ruthless irritation.

"Hibari Kyoya," Tsuna said sternly, glancing in the Cloud Guardian. Hibari stood proudly in front of Gokudera who sat on the floor, pushed aside. The boss then looked to the Rain Guardian who stood not too far off, still clearly infuriated. "Yamamoto Takeshi, you two are hereby banned from Vongola Headquarters—"

"Tsuna!" Yamamoto called out worriedly as Gokudera shouted, "No, Tenth, listen!"

"—Until I say otherwise," Tsuna said. "You are well aware how forbidden it is to engage in battle here moreover against a member of our Famiglia. I'm not surprised by Hibari's behavior considering we've had issues like this before, but Takeshi," he gazed at his friend with a furrowed brow. "I am very disappointed in you."

Yamamoto's eyes widened from the excruciating sting that ran through him before he lowered his head in shame. Gokudera got up and started heading over to the hurt man's side.

"Takeshi, I—" he began.

"Shut up!" Yamamoto bellowed, covering his face with a bloody hand.

Gokudera flinched and took a step back.

Yamamoto then stared at Gokudera with a very sad smile. "I've never felt so betrayed," he said.

Gokudera could feel tears building up.

Yamamoto went on, "You see us both bruised and beaten and who do you run to? The fucker who's been ruining your life for who the hell knows how long? You go to him like he's been so damn good to you all this time and you know what? I don't care." He clenched his fists and tried to fight back a new layer of anger burning underneath his skin. "I just can't find the strength to care anymore, Hayato." He then stormed off, leaving behind Gokudera who couldn't find the words that he truly wanted to say. He faced Hibari, hoping to be consoled, but the Cloud Guardian remained still and silent.

"Hayato," Tsuna said, putting his arm around the man. "It's alright, but if you can, I need you to tell me everything."

* * *

Hibari being away from the base was normal, but not having Yamamoto's smile around was weird for everyone. It also started up tons of rumors. There was gossip that he went to go live in Italy for a year, that Hibari and Gokudera had both tried to kill him, that he went crazy and was seeking help at an asylum. In reality, he was completing work from his apartment, he did go abroad for a few weeks and when he returned he had decided to help out his dad for a bit, so he was a kind of a ghost among the Vongola.

Hibari's whereabouts were always a mystery, so no one spoke of him too much. It's not like they did in the first place.

* * *

"This sucks," Lambo complained as Fuuta threw away some cans that never found their way to the young Lightning Guardian's trashcan. Fuuta would often come over to straighten up.

"What is it now?" I-Pin asked as Lambo laid his head on her lap. She sat on his couch, eating chips.

"Gokudera-shi is in a bad mood again," Lambo whined. "He gets in these moods too much and it's really depressing."

"Think of it this way," Fuuta said, scraping a fungus off a plate and in the garbage disposal. "If he gets in those moods all the time that means he gets out of them too. You'll just have to wait until the next time he's glad again."

"Yeah, but how long will that take?" Lambo said. He moved his forearm over his eyes as he tried to block out light and calm his headache. "I just wish he could be happy."

"Of course," I-Pin said. "We all want the people we care about to be happy, but we can't do that for them, they have to let themselves be happy first."

"He's an idiot when it comes to happiness," Lambo chuckled. "It'll take him forever!"

"Don't say that, Lambo," Fuuta laughed. "His hearts been badly damaged over and over again. It's a hurt only time can heal."

"Time needs to hurry up," Lambo insisted, sitting up. "I'm bored."

"Really, what a brat!" I-Pin spouted.

* * *

Gokudera wondered how he should feel. He was used to feeling depressed, so there was no way he could become more miserable than he already was. He started wondering if he should get angry or possibly be relieved that the heaviest tugs on his heart had disappeared from his life.

* * *

"I heard he's been plotting against Yamamoto-san."

"What do you think is wrong with him?"

"Maybe he was in love with him and got rejected. He shouldn't get so cocky just because he's right under boss. I mean what does that matter, he's still _gay_."

A group of girls gossiped as they stood around in one of the many Vongola bases, waiting for some sort of work to keep them occupied. Just then, a powerful aura brushed past them, making the hairs on the back of their neck stand and chills run down their spines. They looked down the hall to see that both the Vongola Tenth and the Storm Guardian had just walked by.

"Was that him?"

"Oh no, did he hear us?"

"Shit, now he might try to kill us too!"

Right before the mafia men could turn a corner in the long hall, Gokudera flashed the crowd of women a harsh look. They collectively gulped, muttering, "Scary…"

"Ignore them, Hayato,"

"Tenth, I…"

"You don't have to say anything. Everything's fine."

"No, it's not. You of all people know that."

"Well… it's going to be."

Or at least, as far as Hana was aware, everything was going to be fine fast. She had a wedding coming up. And if one thing was wrong with it, it didn't matter who you were. Bridezilla Hana would get you.


	12. Hated him Loved him Loves him

"I'll talk to you later, Lambo," Fuuta said as he exited and Gokudera entered the apartment.

"Where do you get off?" Gokudera snarled as he closed the door behind him. "Inviting people over to my place like it's yours."

Lambo laughed loudly. "Aw, come on, Gokudera-shi, it's fine!" He spun around and hummed happily. "Besides it was just," A sigh. "Fuuta."

Gokudera blinked. "Okay, what the hell is wrong with you?"

"Nothing, Gokudera-shi!" Lambo chuckled, grabbing Gokudera's hands. "It's just I-Pin and I were hanging out with Fuuta and then I-Pin was called into work, so it was just him and me and right after she left he said it was cold and that we should head back to my place, but then I remembered that my apartment is super messy from this party I had a while ago and so I came here and we watched TV together and it was cold we…" He blushed and twirled his fingers cutely. "Oh my god, it was so much **fun**!"

Gokudera stared blankly at the peppy Lambo. He didn't like this at all.

"I'm sooo not in the mood for you while in whatever weird kind of mode your set to," Gokudera said flatly.

"Hey," Lambo exclaimed. "I'm not some toy! Ha ha!"

"Oh my god, shut up," Gokudera sniped as he plopped onto the couch in a melancholy heap.

"Come on, Gokudera-shi. Cheer up!"

"Uhg, and why in the world should I?"

Lambo bent down and wrapped his arms around Gokudera's neck as a loving hug. "Because I'm here and I love you. It sucks seeing you sad. I-Pin and Fuuta say I have to let you let yourself be happy before I can try to make you smile, but…" He let go. "I'm still going to tell you I'm cheering for you with everyone else. We all want you to be satisfied with your life no matter what that means, okay?"

"Lambo…" Gokudera stared at the boy. "You invite anyone over while I'm not here again and I'll kick your ass."

"Gokudera-shi! What a horrid reply! I just said some really good stuff, didn't I?"

* * *

Gokudera sat across from his boss in a fanciful chair. Tsuna was looking out turned away in his office chair, gazing out the window behind his desk.

"Time flies by so fast," he said. "Sometimes, I really start to wonder when it got so cold."

"It'll probably start snowing soon," Gokudera said.

It was a peaceful experience during a mildly peaceful point in the year. It'd been a while since… Gokudera didn't know what. Since Yamamoto and Hibari vanished into thin air? Since Yamamoto said he loved him? Since Yuu died? Since he came out? Since he first suspected himself of loving Hibari? He had no idea what event to look back on. He didn't think he wanted to be reminded of any of them. He kind of wanted to forget his love life. A memory. He's felt like this before. Why didn't he just go with this feeling when he originally sensed it? Now, pretending like it didn't exist has gotten him all screwed up. And not in the way he liked at all. He remembered when he was addicted to forgetting. When that was all he wanted to do with his lie-filled life.

He looked to Tsuna. He remembered that too. How had he forgotten? When did he fall out of love with the man before him? He used to be so madly head over heels, tormented daily by his own wishes. He could no longer feel even a smidgen of romantic emotions for Tsuna. That was it, he thought. This is the last piece.

He knew even though they were over, they were still begging to be voiced. It had to be done.

"I used to love you," Gokudera said suddenly, nearly surprising even himself.

"What was that Hayato?" Tsuna asked, turning from the window.

"I used to be in love with you—"

"Haya—"

"But I'm not anymore. I used to be so deep in love with you that some nights I'd cry myself to sleep, but now… Now, I don't think of you that way. I almost can't even see how I did. Because, of course I still love you, firstly as my best friend and secondly as the Vongola boss. But it's nothing more than that…"

"I had always known that," Tsuna admitted. "Well, sort of. I knew you had more intense feeling for me than what you let on, but I never knew it was so bad. I'm your friend, you should have told me."

"You don't get how scared I was!"

"Stop acting like no one understands you, but you get what everyone else is thinking!" Tsuna yelled. "You're always so afraid of your own assumptions, Hayato. It's part of what makes you so unconfident and sad all the time." He turned back to the window. "You don't think anyone else has ever been scared? I was scared when I inherited the Vongola. I was scared when I asked Kyoko out. I was scared when I banned Hibari and Yamamoto from the base. I'm scared all the time. Constantly wondering if I'm doing the right thing, because I know if I don't do it, I'll never find out." He stood and faced Gokudera. "You don't have to be so fearful of others, Hayato. You don't have to put up a wall or let yourself be vulnerable… if you ever feel lonely or scared, don't forget a moment of it. Just call me and tell me everything. As long as I'm here nothing will fall apart for you."

"Because you're my friend…" Gokudera said slowly.

"Exactly."

"I never do this for you."

"Hayato," Tsuna laughed. "Of course, you do! You being here is enough. You don't have to do anything for any friend. Your company is all that's needed."

"Tenth," Gokudera said. "I think I've screwed up… a lot."

"We all have."

* * *

It was the first snow that Lambo saw that winter. It took its time making it way to the Earth and Lambo watched practically the entire journey.

"There you go," a voice behind said as warmth covered his neck.

The boy spun around to see Fuuta who was placing a scarf around his shoulders.

"What are you doing standing out in the cold like this?" Fuuta asked with a smile.

Lambo blushed. "I dunno," he mumbled. He glimpsed at Fuuta and his eyes widened. He began pulling off the scarf. "Wait, this is yours, you should wear it, you'll catch a—"

Fuuta laughed and shook his head. "No, I'm fine," he said. "You can keep if you want in fact, but take good care of it. That scarf is precious to me."

Lambo gawked up at the man, feeling his face flush. "R-right! I will!" The two then spent some time watching the snow fall.

* * *

Lambo hummed as he cut up tomatoes for tonight's dinner. He was making a simple tomato salad since Gokudera didn't trust him with anything more complicated yet. Teaching Lambo to cook proved to be harder than expected. Tied around his waist like a belt, the boy wore a scarf. Gokudera sat at the table with his hair tied back and glasses on. He was typing something up on his laptop. Lambo assumed it was either work or an update on his weird UFO blog.

"You seem rather happy again today," Gokudera said.

"Yup," Lambo replied. "Hey, it snowed today. It made me think of the crazy snowball fights we used to have when I was just a little kid."

"You still are just a little kid."

Lambo pouted a bit. "Then you're an old curmudgeon."

A book flew the air and slammed Lambo on the back of the head causing him to cry.

"Sorry," Gokudera said as he went back to typing. "My hand slipped."

After Lambo was done being lame and sobbing it up, he went back to cutting tomatoes.

"You're just jealous because I'm still young, Gokudera-shi."

"And what do you think I am?" Gokudera scoffed.

"Whatever. You just sit over there and wish you were youthful and in love like I am!" He then began cutting tomatoes with a fury which was a pretty bad idea since he was stupid and that was just spelling disaster.

Gokudera chewed on what Lambo had said for a bit then suddenly called out a soft, "Hey…"

Lambo stopped endangering himself with some extreme tomato cutting to look at his older friend. "What?"

"If you are in love with someone, why don't you tell them?" Gokudera suggested.

Lambo's face stained red. "Duh. I'm way too scared to do something insane like that."

"When I think about it… that's the sane thing to do, isn't it? They might be madly in love with you."

"Or they might hate me afterward."

"You'll never be able to call it a mistake until you do it. If turns out badly then don't beat yourself up about it, confessing was the logical thing to do. Besides, there's more fish in the sea. If it goes wonderfully, then congratulations! You're the happiest boy on Earth."

Lambo paused. "Thanks, Cupid. Ow! Stop throwing books at me."

"Sorry, I can be as clumsy as Dino sometimes... and what's with that scarf?"

* * *

"Here you go," Haru said, setting down some tea for Yamamoto. The man had been sort of MIA for a quite some time and Haru hadn't seen him in a long while. "Where have you been, Takeshi?"

"Around," he answered simply. He sat at her table, rotating a finger along the top of his cup.

"Aw, come on," Haru chuckled. "You've got to tell me more than that."

"Hm, there's not really much to tell. I mostly went to see my dad and did work. I was only banned from the base. It's not like I was banned from Namimori," he laughed a bit. "But I wouldn't be surprised if Hibari tried to make that happen."

Haru giggled at this. "You know, I missed you."

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'll try to not be away so long anymore."

"You sound so sad," Haru huffed. "It's no fun at all."

"I'm not really in the mood for fun, Haru."

"But if you act so sad, I'll be sad too. Do you want to talk about anything?"

"I don't think so," he said, crossing his arms on the table. He laid his head on his arms and sighed. "I don't know."

"Just tell me how you feel right now," Haru advised.

"Um, I feel… weird, I guess."

"Weird, how?"

"It's like… weird to be back here."

Haru didn't say anything. The two were brought back to their time together. Yamamoto would often come over with ingredients for whatever dish he wanted and Haru would eagerly cook it just so she could hear him tell her how delicious it was. Yamamoto remembered the times when he would lie about how good it tasted just to see her grin and say, "Thanks, Takeshi!" They recalled the way they would debate baseball statistics, during which Yamamoto was repeatedly impressed by Haru's knowledge. Haru specifically remembered late nights studying teams and players so that Yamamoto wouldn't be bored talking to her. They reminisced falling asleep in each other's arms, if only for that night, feeling as though everything was right with the world.

And the whole reason why Yamamoto abandoned a sweet girl's voice pleading him to take her out, the reason why he abandoned returning home to occasionally hear "Welcome back," the reason why he abandoned the feel of small hands brushing back his hair so big, brown eyes could take in more of her lover's face, that reason he cherished so much, had abandoned him.

A tear rolled down Yamamoto's face.

Haru hugged her friend. "It always hurts when someone you love turns their back on you," She brushed back his hair so as to reveal more of his face. She smiled brightly at him. "Trust me, I know."

She kissed his forehead as tears pooled on the man's hands.

* * *

Lambo looked around the small apartment. It was mostly compromised of books. The other common object were strange contraptions, weird machines and weapons. Fuuta was studying mechanics under Giannini.

Lambo rarely visited over Fuuta's mostly because he thought the only interesting in the home was Fuuta. Everything else was spectacularly bland.

Lambo shook some snow out his hair and off his shirt.

"Why did you invite me over?" Lambo asked curiously. Fuuta didn't invite him over much unless it was something that he wanted to show or tell Lambo immediately like the time Fuuta wanted Lambo to try out the Ten-Year Bazooka he had practiced upgrading on or when the older man had to break the news of Mama and Papa moving.

"I wanted to tell you something," Fuuta said, removing his coat and hanging it on the coat hanger.

"Want a coincidence," Lambo said, slipping his hands into his pockets and sitting on the sofa. "I want to tell you something too."

"You first," Fuuta urged as he sat beside Lambo.

"No, you go first."

"No, you."

"No, you. You're older."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

Lambo shrugged and Fuuta breathed out.

"Fine," he said. "I'll go. I wanted to… let you know that…"

"Say it," Lambo commanded. "What? Are you scared?"

"Yeah," Fuuta admitted nonchalantly.

"Huh? Really? Why? Are you sick? Are you dying? Are you okay?"

"Yes, no, and maybe. I mean... I'm a certain type of sick. I'm lovesick."

Lambo's heart sank. Lovesick? For who? He bit his tongue. Someone was going to steal Fuuta from him. Some girl was just going to swoop down from out of nowhere and sweep Fuuta off his feet just like that without even giving Lambo a chance to say three simple words.

"I love you, Lambo."

Yeah, those words. Some bitch was just going to come over and – Lambo stopped his inner monologue. He often had those. They were very high and mighty, most commonly starting off with something along the lines of "Goodness, I'm awesome."

"Wha-What?" Lambo stuttered.

"I'm in love with you," Fuuta said, looking away and face flushing.

Lambo became beet red and his mouth went numb. "I-I-I … y-y-y-you… t-t-taaa…" He tried to form words, but they only came out in sputters and embarrassed whimpers.

Recognizing these symptoms of lovesickness, Fuuta chuckled before leaning over to kiss the boy.

* * *

He'd been receiving them more and more often. Flowers, chocolates, and cards. Some dude clearly thought he was a chick. Written on the cards were simply the words 'I'm sorry' or 'I miss you.' They were basic and vague phrases. There were plenty of people who might've missed him or wanted to apologize to him. He supposed the most recent though was Yamamoto. He considered calling the man or texting him, but he didn't feel ready for that yet. He had no idea what he wanted to say or even if he wanted to say anything at all.

* * *

"Tsuna-nii," Fuuta called out in the Vongola base hallway.

"Ah, Fuuta," Tsuna greeted as the younger man approached him. "How are you?"

"Better than ever! I did it!"

"Oh? How did it go?"

"He likes me back!"

"That great! ...'H-he?'"

Fuuta nodded.

"Fuuta…" Tsuna said with a raised eyebrow. "Now that you confessed, you wouldn't mind telling me who it is, would you…?"

"Uh…"

"Fuuta, tell me now."

"Well, it's like this…"

* * *

Fuuta had never run so fast in his life. Behind him was an aggravated Tsuna.

"Are you crazy, Fuuta! That's not even legal! You'd better not scar him! I swear you'd better come back here and accept a good scolding right now! My god, he's not even in high school yet, you University student!"

Eventually he was caught and forced to accept his scolding.

* * *

Gokudera missed Yamamoto. He missed every joke they made together and every time he would hold him. He missed Yamamoto beaming down at him goofily and when Yamamoto would call him an "angel." He thought he'd heard Yuu call him that before and not kiddingly as the man had done with most petnames, but as a serious term of endearment. Did Gokudera really seem that heavenly? He couldn't imagine himself as a holy symbol with wings reaching out his back and a halo shining above his head. He pondered if that was what Yuu or Yamamoto saw when they looked at him. He looked at himself in the mirror. He was crying and didn't even know why. He looked down at the tools lying around his bathroom sink. Eyeliner. He'd bought it months ago, but seemed to be brand new. He barely used the stuff, but sometimes he'd use it for his eyebrows or to subtly line his bottom lid. He grabbed the pencil, tears still seeping out the edges of his eyes. He then drew a large pair of wings on his reflection followed by a circle above his head which was topped off with three lines to represent the glow. He quit drawing to look at himself. A weeping angel. He wiped the tears away. Why the hell had he'd been crying in the first place? He looked at himself once more. An angel. Why had this beautiful face been crying? He asked himself.

* * *

The first ten minutes were slightly awkward. Yamamoto attempted small talk that Gokudera couldn't keep up and Gokudera made tea that Yamamoto disliked, but he was too polite to decline. Before things got too uncomfortable, Gokudera cut to the chase.

"I'm sorry for everything," Gokudera said. "But I know that we were never meant to be together now."

Yamamoto's eyes enlarged. "Wha-? Is this because of what I said?"

"No, it's not your fault. What you said was right in fact. You should've been mad back then and I shouldn't have done that."

"Then…?"

"I'm in love with Hibari."

"How could you-?"

"I know. But… have you ever been lonely, Takeshi? Painfully lonely?"

"Of course. Whenever you blew me off."

"What got you out of that rut?"

"Either you, the guys... or Haru."

"You see, I've experienced painful loneliness before too. Before I came out, before we spent that short time together, and before Yuu, but certain things brought me out that loneliness. Before those things, I was bored, angry, and sad almost all the time. It stung in places no smile could reach, burned more intensely than any laughter could douse. It sucked. I hated it. It was confusing and hard to fix. It's not something you can slip out of so simply. Finding someone who can understand you and make you happy even if only temporarily isn't easy and I'm thankful to have so many people who were able too, but…"

"But…?"

"But Hibari doesn't have anyone like that. Except me."

"Hayato…"

"You're a great guy, Takeshi. You're handsome, funny, kind. You'll make a great husband and dad one day. There are tons of girls out there waiting for someone perfect like you. I never deserved you, no, that's not it. It's just not right for me to keep you from the others who'll go better with you. You deserve a family that I can't give you. And I deserve—Hibari deserves me. He's lonely. He's been lonely for a long time now. There aren't tons of girls waiting for a beast like him to abuse them. He's waiting for me."

For a long while, Yamamoto was silent. Then with a sad exhale, he nodded. "I understand. But just wondering, what brought you to say this now?"

Gokudera pointed to a pile of wilting flowers. "I was getting tired of the candy and flowers you've been sending me."

Yamamoto raised an eyebrow and blinked. "I haven't been sending you anything."

Gokudera laughed. "Yeah, right. You're kidding me."

"No, Hayato, I'm serious. That's not me."

"No, really, Takeshi."

"I'm for real. That's not me. I never sent you a thing!"

"What? Then who—?"

"No idea… that's weird."

"Yes, that's weird! Who the fuck's been sending me this shit then? Oh my god! What if it's an enemy recording everything we say? Hurry, throw it all out!"

"Hayato, I don't think—"

"Precisely! That's why _**I'm**_ the right-hand man of the Vongola."

Obviously none of it was enemy chocolates. This isn't an Action/Adventure fanfic. Nothing exciting like that is going to happen. Besides there'd be no time to develop that type of storyline. There's like one chapter left. Stupid paranoid Gokudera.

...

* * *

"Hey," Gokudera said to the tall man standing by his door.

"Hey," Hibari said before yawning. There was a grating tension between the two and now he stood waiting for Gokudera with flowers.

**_"Were you waiting for me?"_**

**_"What else would I be here for?"_**

"What's with the flowers?"

"I didn't know what else to get."

**_"When I had finally…" Eager to see Gokudera. Wishing to tell him that he figured it out. Hoping to somewhat apologize._**

"Whatever." Gokudera plugged the key into the door and pushed it open, walking in as though Hibari weren't even there. Once inside he turned to him. "Are you coming in? It's snowing pretty badly so you'd might as well come in or leave."

Hibari stepped inside and closed the door behind himself.

_**"Why are you so bent on flying away from me?"**_

"What's this?" Hibari asked as he sat at the table with his arms crossed and one foot on his knee. He looked down at the bowl in front of him, scowling.

**_"I looked for a Japanese meat-filled recipe online. I'm going to try it out. Want some?"_**

"Nikujaga. I didn't have any beef except for meatballs so I put in some tiny ones," Gokudera said, taking his seat after having served his guest.

Hibari picked up his spoon and took a bite.

"Where's the meat?" He hissed.

_**"I can't tell if those are the words of a hero or villain."**_

Gokudera rolled his eyes and picked up the bowl. "I'll add some more."

"Thank you," Hibari replied.

**"_Name one thing you like…"_**

**_You._**

Gokudera froze in his tracks. He slowly turned around. "What was that?"

Hibari's cheeks tinted pink. "I'm not saying it again," he grumbled.

**_"If only I wasn't competing against that goddamn saint, right?"_**

**_"You don't have to compete anymore."_**

Gokudera turned back to add more meat to the bowl with a proud expression.

Yes, he truly was in love.

* * *

**A/N: Next chapter is the last. Here comes the bride, la la la la la~**


	13. Marriage

**AN: So, this is the last one. I didn't know how to end it and honestly, still don't. If someone could edit it would be nice, but I feel I've looked over it as much as I could. I didn't know how to start the end so it's just cute moments until it goes back to the plot/actual resolution. ...Read and review?**

**'nother note: This story changed so much and looking back on the first chapter makes me wonder what I was planning for it. It became so dark after a while xD But I'm glad I wrote it and love dark stuff with a gay Gokudera (like my story, The Other). I hope to write more stories similar to this one, I just don't what yet (request something? ;]). **

* * *

"You're actually really cute, huh?" Gokudera said as he sat in Hibari's lap, facing the man.

"Say that again and I'll bite you to death," Hibari threatened, lazily sitting in the chair of the living room, hands lying on Gokudera in a perverted place. He couldn't help it. It was where the little guys naturally reached for.

"I love you," Gokudera decided to say to test the waters.

"Me too," Hibari replied.

Gokudera scoffed. "Why can't you say it normally?"

"Why do I have to say it?" Hibari growled, face reddening.

"You're incredibly Japanese."

"What's that supposed to mean? Not that I'm offended. I take that as a compliment."

"It is, I guess. I just mean you're really shy…" Gokudera glanced at his own ass where Hibari's hands artlessly cupped. "Except for stuff like that, huh?"

"You're incredibly Italian then," Hibari said. "Always sentimental or whatever."

Gokudera laid his head on the brunet's shoulder. "You could use a little more romanticism."

"I don't even think that's proper use of that word."

"Shut up."

"Hey, let's have sex."

"Oh my god, you're horrible," Gokudera laughed, pushing the man away as he tried to bite his ear.

Hibari pouted. "Why not?"

"I'm going to bed now."

"Me too then."

"You pervert."

* * *

Lambo eyed the man suspiciously. They sat at the table as Gokudera prepared dinner. Italian this time because Lambo wanted it. Hibari didn't complain much about that because Gokudera had started this new thing where when he was angered, he wouldn't have sex with Hibari no matter what. It had tamed Hibari. He liked sex.

"Stop glaring at him like that," Gokudera told Lambo who then backed off a little, but not much.

"This thing is getting annoying," Hibari said, pointing to Lambo.

"He's not a 'thing,'" Gokudera groaned. "God, can't you two get along?"

"Probably not," Lambo said simultaneously with Hibari's "No."

Gokudera rolled his eyes. A knock on the door.

"I'll get it!" Lambo shouted as he shot up from his seat. He ran to the door and flung it open to exposing Fuuta. "Fuuta!" He squeezed the man tightly.

Hibari growled, "You're crowding the place."

"Shut up," Gokudera growled back.

Lambo excitedly guided Fuuta to the table and pulled out a seat for him.

"Thank you for having me over, Gokudera-san," Fuuta said courteously.

"It's no problem," Gokudera said, beaming. He was glad that Lambo liked Fuuta and hoped that some of the 21 year-old's grace would rub off on the rude teen. "Besides, Lambo was just about begging for me to invite you."

"Was not!" Lambo said.

"Yeah, you were," Hibari said, annoyed.

Lambo slyly stuck his tongue out at the man making Hibari's blood boil and brow furrow with annoyance.

"Now, now, you guys," Gokudera said as he carried over plates of Tagliatelle in meat sauce. "Calm down. I swear sometimes it feels like there are two kids in here."

"I'm not a kid," both Hibari and Lambo snapped, glowering at one another afterward. Fuuta and Gokudera made fun of them for it the rest of the night.

* * *

Next day at headquarters, Gokudera waved goodbye after he and Hibari parted with a gentle kiss. Tsuna smiled at his right-hand man.

"Ever since you two got together, Hibari's been hanging around the base a lot more."

"Because he likes to say he checking up on me when really he's just trailing me like a lost puppy."

Tsuna laughed at this then said, "I've noticed Hibari's been less impulsively violent."

"That's because I've been training him," Gokudera replied proudly.

Tsuna chuckled, "Oh yeah? How's that?"

"Whenever he does something wrong, he gets no sex for a week. If he needs to be calmed down, then I give him a hand at that." Gokudera winked. "But if he's really pissed off then he needs a blow—"

"Hayato, please…" Tsuna trembled as he covered his face in shame and disgust. "I don't want to know anymore…"

* * *

It warmed his heart to walk in and feel the body heat radiating from the couch. Everything in his apartment seemed a little eschewed. On the sofa lied a stretching, sleeping man with a yellow cat curled up beside him.

"I don't know which one's cuter," Gokudera chuckled, approaching the two. Suddenly, he was pulled atop of the "sleeping" body.

"Who're you calling cute?" Hibari asked.

"You," Gokudera stated.

"You're cuter."

"Don't try to turn this around on me."

"Why do you smell sweet?"

"Do I?"

Uri stood and stuck out its tongue in disgust. They'd always get too lovey-dovey forgetting the cat wasn't interested in anything other than food and sleeping. Watching them get all romantic on the couch was not in Uri's schedule.

* * *

"This is dumb," Gokudera complained as he strolled the streets of Shibuya beside his lover. They were empty-handed for now, but Hibari's wallet was nice and fat.

"No, it's not," Hibari barked back in a firmly monotone voice.

"You could've just gotten something small. Or made me dinner. Anything really." Gokudera then looked to the bright blue sky. It was heating up a bit. The months of winter had passed by quickly after all of the chaos that had went down. Spring now quietly made its way near. Over the span of a year, a lot had happened. Too much maybe. Things were crazy at the base, Hana and Ryohei's wedding was so close everyone could taste it. It was crunch time, getting last minute things together.

"No," Hibari said, stopped and faced Gokudera, looking him in the eyes. "I've never bought anything for your birthday and it's my duty as your lover to do so." He then quickly turned away and marched off, too embarrassed to continue looking Gokudera in the eyes.

Face flushed, Gokudera ran after him. "H-Hey! Your birthday's coming up too! What do you want?"

"Idiot, you have months to think about that."

"So what?"

"Besides you _know_ what I _want_…"

"…perverted beast…"

* * *

Hibari looked ahead at the TV, taking in the movie he hated. It was some horror film about aliens that Gokudera adored. He couldn't believe how dumb it was. He liked it a bit more now that it allowed the silver-haired man to adorably fall asleep on his chest. Gokudera had been lying on top of Hibari as they quietly viewed the flick. In Gokudera's hands was his cell phone which he'd been using to send work e-mails. Sad to see his love so tired, Hibari decided to snatch the phone away and keep it for a while, until Gokudera was less work-obsessed. A beep. A text message. Eh, Gokudera was his, so whatever was Gokudera's was Hibari's too. Or at least that was the Foundation leader's thought process.

He knew he was selfish and was fully aware how ridiculously possessive he could seem, but it was only because Gokudera was the most precious thing to him in the world (after Namimori) and sometimes he didn't know what to do about it. Sometimes he feared his own behavior. Feared that one day Gokudera would get fed up with him and leave. If Gokudera discarded him now, Hibari would be sure to destroy Gokudera before self-destructing. He stroked Gokudera's hair. He had to have some confidence in their mutual love. That these strong feelings weren't one-sided. To have the man he'd grown so attached to disappear would be devastating. He couldn't imagine a pain more horrifying (except for Namimori exploding).

Back from his thoughts, Hibari looked to the text message. It was from Yamamoto.

It read: "I know a lot has happened but you're still my friend. Can we meet up sometime? :)"

Hibari's face twisted into a scowl. It's true the amount at which Gokudera and Yamamoto had been hanging out depleted severely since their "break up," but still the very idea of the swordsman wanting to meet his lover in private repulsed him. Hibari's finger moved towards the delete button, but then he stopped and smirked.

He realized he had a tad more confidence in their relationship than to do a thing like that.

* * *

"Hey," Gokudera said as he came up to Yamamoto in the café.

"Yo!" Yamamoto replied happily.

Gokudera wondered if it stung for him to smile while they looked at one another.

"How have you and Haru been?" Gokudera asked as they left their meeting spot with warm drinks in hand. They just walked around talking.

"Haru and I've been good. She's an awesome cook, but I think I'm starting to rival her at that. How're you and Hibari?"

The pain in his voice was clear though he was obviously trying to conceal it.

"Good. He's a bit of a…" Gokudera stopped himself. It'd be awkward to tell your semi-ex that your current boyfriend is a sex fiend. "… We're good."  
Yamamoto laughed at this. "Cute as always," he commented making Gokudera's cheeks turn pink.

"You know," Yamamoto continued. "I'll never forget what we had, Hayato."

"You should go back honorifics, I think."

"I guess you're right, Hayato-chan."

"Hey…"

"Sorry, please don't think I'm like Haru. She's recovering from such prejudices somewhat."

They remained silent for a few moments.

"Isn't it… isn't it best you forget me or rather, that time?"

"Nope."

"Wh-wha…?"

"Those memories of us being happy like a couple are something I'll cherish even while I'm with Haru. You may not believe me, but I really did love you, probably more than I ever thought I was romantically capable of."

"Stop talking, that's so embarrassing."

"And hey, if things don't work out with Hibari, I'll dump Haru even if we're married with a family just to comfort you and win you back."

Gokudera pushed the taller man. "Takeshi!"

Yamamoto snickered. "Kidding, kidding! Haru is actually the type of girl who I could see myself falling for and marrying somewhere in the far off future. We just need some time to get over the whole thing that happened between you and I. I'm pretty sure she's scared that I'm gay."

Gokudera tapped his chin in thought. "What's the sexuality of someone who falls in love with anyone who'll end things painfully?"

"Haha, wouldn't that be some kind of emotional masochist?"

"See, that's why we would've never worked out. You can't put two masochists together."

The men laughed a little.

"Hayato…"

"Hmm?"

"Thanks for being my friend."

"No, Takeshi, thank you."

* * *

Gokudera unlocked his door just to find Fuuta and Lambo making out on his couch. Hibari watched as his silver-haired lover smacked the shit out of Le Grand Prince.

* * *

Lambo lied asleep on the floor, tuckered out from yelling at Gokudera, talking(?) to Fuuta, and getting drunk off wine. Gokudera sat on the couch texting both Tsuna and Yamamoto like they were 16 again and no shit ever emerged between any of them. Back when Gokudera innocently adored their boss and had yet to feel the poisonous sting that was Hibari Kyoya's vicious venom. They wrote him things that made him laugh like they were going to meet up at school the next day and talk about the joke, make fun of the teachers, discuss their favorite shows. He wrote them things like they weren't dealing with weddings and like they weren't in the business of the underground world. In moments like these when the apartment was quiet except for the buzz of his friends sending him a smile, he realized how much he didn't want to forget and all the things he wanted to remember.

Standing above Gokudera, Hibari snatched the phone from his hands and looked at the text from Yamamoto.

"Don't you…" Hibari started out, clearly tired from their long day.

Gokudera raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to finish the question.

"Don't you ever think you'll regret it?" Hibari asked. As soon as the words left his mouth, he felt as though something was squeezing tightly on his heart.

Gokudera's lips curved into an affectionate grin.

"Hibari…"

"I mean an angel and a saint would make a good pair, right?" Hibari said, tossing the cell phone away.

"What are you talking about? I'm no angel." He stood and put his arms around Hibari's neck, snuggling into his chest. "I'm selfish. Just like everyone else."

* * *

The ride there was the awkward part. Everyone on one plane. Stuck in front of each other, behind each other, next to each other. Fuuta and Lambo sitting lovingly beside one another leaving I-Pin as the third wheel. Haru clutching onto Yamamoto's hand so hard as though to confirm their love to Gokudera who was getting his hand squeezed equally hard by Hibari. The Foundation leader would've taken a private jet had not he known that Gokudera and Yamamoto would be flying on the same plane. Tsuna could feel the tension fuming behind him and Kyoko.

He swallowed hard. He thought he had to do something to diffuse it.

"So… how is everyone?"

Everyone replied with a solid "Good." But each had a small change in tone. Lambo and Fuuta's answer came out giddily while I-Pin and Haru sounded irritated. Gokudera and Yamamoto had a hint of fear and Hibari hadn't said anything at all.

Tsuna sighed, thinking, _What's the use…?_

* * *

Somehow, Gokudera ended up feeling anxious in the hotel room even though he wasn't the one getting married. He looked at himself in the mirror, dressed in the black tuxedo that had slits of silver at the pocket and cuffs.

"You look good," Hibari said, dressed up in a tux himself.

"It's weird to see you in something like this," Gokudera commented happily, fixing Hibari's bowtie.

"I figured if I'm going Western, I'm going traditional."

It was true. He chose the most boring tuxedo Gokudera ever had the displeasure of gazing upon.

"It suits you," Gokudera admitted truthfully. "Doesn't matter as long as everyone looks good and Hana's happy."

"Sasagawa has his work cut out for him," Hibari said with a straight face, but Gokudera laughed anyways. If it wasn't meant to be a joke, it should've been. Despite this, it was the truth. No one could quite see how long the dynamic between those two would last.

"Marriage shouldn't be work, though, right?" Gokudera asked.

"It seems like something you'd have to keep up with…" Hibari replied, looking upon Gokudera with unreadable eyes just as they were making their way out the door.

"What?" Gokudera questioned, not sure whether he should find the gaze humorous or offensive.

"Would ever you want to…" Hibari turned away. "Never mind."

Gokudera thought his heart had never gone so crazy. He wanted to grab Hibari and plant a kiss on his lips, overflowing with love. He knew exactly how that question was going to end and he hated that they had to leave before he could answer.

* * *

The wedding was fantastic. In a medium-sized venue with all their family and friends. White roses were everywhere and silk banners lined the walls. An arch with jasmine linked in the holes of its white wood sat behind the priest who stood smiling and bright. The whole place seemed to be shimmering with excitement, purity, a promise of something new. Gokudera made the unfortunate decision to stand with the crowd-hating Hibari in a corner at the back of the church. The advantage to this was he could talk without anyone hearing.

Hana glided in with her father, her veil covering her subtly made-up face. Her hair was down with flowers scattered on top. Her dress was white and simple, something gorgeously mature. Everyone leaned to their neighbors to whisper about how stunning she looked.

"Wow!" Gokudera said to Hibari. "She's beautiful. Like she's shining…"

Hibari looked to Hana for a second then back to Gokudera. "I wasn't really paying attention."

He then continued to stare at his lover. Gokudera blushed then grabbed and pushed Hibari's face in the wedding's direction, forcing him to watch the ceremony.

Throughout, the taller man complained of boredom and never failed to ask how much longer every single minute. And each time Gokudera would respond with a lie, saying that the rituals were almost done.

It wasn't that the wedding wasn't lovely; it was spectacular. Perfect, Hibari dared himself to think. There wasn't one part of it that would leave Hana complaining. Hibari just hated having to see that glint in Gokudera's eyes as the ceremony went on – a slight hint of envy lurking just below his pupil, reaching somewhere deep that Hibari assumed to be his heart. Gokudera knew what the couple's pledges meant. Never alone. There'd always be that person they could reach to when they were cold or scared. Gokudera wanted that. That promise of loneliness's death. It hurt Hibari that he couldn't give the man that important thing he desired.

"I do."

"I do."

Those words, Hibari thought. Those words could ensure the demise of Gokudera's lonesome forever.

Music died down before Ryohei and Hana began giving their vows that caused the crowd to release romantic sighs and hold their loved ones' hands. Even Gokudera felt as Hibari silently intertwined their fingers.

Then a few more words were said before the bride and groom were slipping rings on each other's fingers and a few more before their lips locked their bodies into one life from there on out, holding them in a single moment of affection which would stretch out to last throughout the rest of their lives.

For that second, all of Gokudera's jealous feelings melted into nothing but genuine joy and exhilaration – they were his friends and he wasn't sure that he'd ever see them happier. That made him happy as well.

Cheers and applause erupted from the church's crowd. They stood and greeted the newlyweds as the pair walked down the aisle, hand-in-hand, receiving bows and congratulations. Petals and bliss rained down upon them. There was no longer a question of whether or not they were shining. Some had tears in their eyes from the overwhelming splendor of it all. Others cried because they knew that there were things that were going to change now.

Gokudera remained with Hibari in the corner, clapping as all the wedding goers seemed to trail the groom and bride out the church doors. He decided he would congratulate the two at the reception and simply merrily watch from a distance as everyone whooped during the festive occasion. Gokudera (as well as everyone else) was just glad that it ended without any of the usual Vongola craziness occurring. He was almost definite that it would manage to reveal itself at the reception though.

* * *

All it took was a tiny, short interaction with **_him_** on the way back to the hotel room. One so brief yet friendly enough to be threatening.

"I should've known it was too good to be true," Gokudera snarled as he sat on the hotel bed and Hibari leaned against the door with crossed arms.

"Shut the fuck up," Hibari growled back.

"Please, dear god, could you be pleasant just for the rest of today," Gokudera begged with irritation in lying under his tone. "This is supposed to be a happy occasion and you're—"

"I'm not doing anything," Hibari snapped.

"You're pouting like a goddamn child!"

Silence enveloped the two after that. It's not like Gokudera hadn't seen it coming. Hibari was childish and crazy, so he wasn't surprised or anything. Sooner or later an argument was bound to rear its ugly head.

"I can talk to whoever I want to," Gokudera stated.

"It's not fucking who you talk to," Hibari roared. He sighed deeply. "It's what you say that pisses me off. It's what he does that makes me so fucking…" His fists clenched yearning to slam into something – anything. Gokudera stood and went to his lover, placing a hand on the taller man's cheek.

"Have more faith in me, please," Gokudera begged and Hibari's fist loosened. Hibari went limp, leaning down to lay his head on the silver-haired man's shoulder.

"It's hard to," he admitted. "I'm sc…"

_I'm scared._

Gokudera never really pictured Hibari being scared of anything and supposed it must've been a new emotion to him. He rubbed his lover's back.

"What did I tell you?" Gokudera asked softly. "You don't have to fight anymore. You've won. I promise you that."

"You do?"

Gokudera lifted Hibari's head up so the two could kiss. "I do."

* * *

They two arrived at the reception late due to Hibari's raging desires that he passionately unleashed after their somewhat amorous discussion. It was a cute garden party that clearly had already gone awry. The main dance between bride and groom was currently being played out despite an intoxicated Lambo who stumbled about whilst being chased by the dutiful Fuuta. Despite Haru helping to clean off Dino after he fell into the cake. Despite Bianchi complaining to I-Pin about how badly she wanted to be married, what an successful event this had been, and her good friend's failure at picking a worthy partner. Despite Yamamoto and Mochida debating about how Ryohei should toss the garter (as well as giving deadly examples using random objects about the area). Despite all of this madness, the couple danced to music they could barely hear, forgetting about a cake they didn't really get to eat, and seemingly unaware of guests that were more than unruly.

"Sometimes I wonder what I've gotten myself into," Hana said as she leaned against her new husband's chest, their hands pressed together and feet moving in step with one another.

"I'm sorry," Ryohei sighed. "I know you wanted everything to be perfect…"

"You're here, aren't you?" She placed a kiss on his cheek. "So it already is." She then snuggled closer to him and the noise faded further away.

"You made it!" Tsuna called out to Gokudera and Hibari, jogging over to them. "I almost thought you'd be no-shows." He rubbed the back of his neck embarrassedly. "As you can see everything is out of control as usual."

Gokudera shrugged. "It's to be expected."

"They must've decided to hold it outside knowing it'd get like this," Tsuna observed then he glanced to the Cloud Guardian. "And because they hoped it'd make Hibari feel like it's less crowded so maybe… he wouldn't leave."

Hibari showed no reaction to this, but Gokudera knew that he appreciated the gesture.

Tsuna appeared as though he was going to say something else, but was interrupted and dashed off screaming, "No, Lambo! Not _that_!"

Gokudera couldn't help, but laugh then he was approached by Yamamoto who paused his intense conversation with Mochida.

"Hey," he said with a grin.

Hibari moved closer to his lover which made Gokudera blush a bit.

The silver-haired man replied with a simple, "'sup?"

"We nearly thought you guys weren't coming!" Yamamoto noted. "Mostly everyone got some cake before Dino-san toppled into it. Haru set aside two pieces for you both."

"Thanks, but Hibari doesn't like sweet stuff," Gokudera said.

Yamamoto chuckled, "Well, I'm sure someone'll eat it. This party's kind of a free-for-all right now; everybody's just doing their own thing, but now that you arrived maybe they'll throw bouquet and garter!"

After that, Yamamoto left them to join Haru's side once she was finished cleaning off Dino. They hugged and he hung his arm around her shoulders as he made his way to end his disagreement with Mochida.

Gokudera wore a small, sad smile when he watched this. But at the same time he was relieved. They really were just friends now, moving on yet holding onto that time together as a happy memory – no regrets, just happiness.

Hibari wore a straight face as he always did. On the inside, he was relieved. They really were just friends and their love was nothing more than a memory to leave in the past. Now all that was left in Gokudera's heart was Hibari. And he had faith in that more than ever.

A little after this, everyone gathered around. The bouquet and garter were going to be tossed.

"With force, Hana!" Yamamoto shouted.

"A simple underhand movement!" Mochida exclaimed.

Chatter was abundant as the bride let the flowers fly. They seemed to freeze in the air for a moment – Bianchi and Haru's face twisted with determination. The bunch spun twice on its way down, landing gently in Gokudera's crossed arms. He (as well as the rest of the guests) was startled, immediately uncrossing them and letting the flowers fall to the floor. Everyone burst into laughter.

"Gokudera will be the next bride?"

"It's definite! Gokudera'll be wedded next!"

"Is that even possible?"

In spite of the joking around, Hana decided it was best to redo the toss and all the men backed out the way. The flowers flew up and floated down into Kyoko's outstretched palms. Her face colored as Haru and Bianchi cursed their luck.

The young light-haired woman looked to Tsuna whose face flushed. The majority of the Guardians chuckled at this.

Finally it was Ryohei's turn. He couldn't take the garter off without hearing a number of whoops, hollers, and wolf whistles. He then threw it high upon instruction from Mochida and Yamamoto. It took some time for the garter to make its way back to Earth. Some guys made sure to step away from the clothing while others clamored for it. In the end, it laid itself on Tsuna's head making whispers light up among the guests. They were raring and ready to go ahead with another wedding apparently.

"A picture!" someone yelled. A photo of blushing Kyoko and Tsuna was snapped with the bouquet still in the young lady's hands and garter remaining in Tsuna's hair. Everyone giggled except Ryohei whose chagrin went ignored. The jokes about it took a while to die down.

Dancing resumed among couples while the youngsters and others continued to wreak havoc.

"Are you happy, Hana?" Ryohei asked as they looked over their destroyed and messy reception. The white decorations were either on the floor or otherwise sullied. The food was squashed or on the ground. The DJ was scared out of his mind and that was without knowing they were all mafia members.

Hana laughed a bit and put her hands on her hips. "Yes. Everything's just as I pictured it would be…" This made Ryohei let out a hearty laugh as well.

Not too far off, Kyoko and Tsuna danced with one another, too discomfited with their red faces to speak.

"I love you, Kyoko," was all Tsuna could manage to say after some time. The girl's kiss was a sufficient reply.

Yamamoto danced with Haru in rather cute fashion, both smiling and with little stumbling. They appeared perfect for each other, some might have thought they were in sync enough to have been the newlyweds themselves.

Lambo waltzed drunkenly with Fuuta, nearly knocking into the equally clumsy Dino and his girlfriend, Oregano, who he hadn't proposed to… _yet_.

Once again Gokudera ended up in a corner with Hibari.

"Everyone looks so happy," Gokudera said, gazing at his boisterous friends, feeling an overpowering glee surging through his body.

"Go be with them," Hibari said. "I'll stay here."

"Won't you get lonely?" Gokudera asked.

"I'm used to it," Hibari smirked. "Besides, I know you'll return to me."

Gokudera rolled his eyes before planting a kiss on his lover's lips then running off to join the party.

* * *

They all returned to Namimori completely tuckered out. And though every bone in their bodies ached from all the ridiculousness, everything felt right. It was all in place as it was meant to be. Everyone smiled and reminisced and peace within the Vongola hung like an ornament on a tree – the wedding a memory to be cherished.

* * *

It didn't take long for Dino and Tsuna to finally get out their proposals and two more weddings were put into the works. Meanwhile, Fuuta and Lambo enjoyed their time as lovebirds and began making sure their I-Pin never felt left out. Ryohei and Hana announced that they had a bundle of joy on the way around the same time Gokudera and Hibari made the decision to move in together. Yamamoto was considering taking over his father's shop so that the old man might retire and Haru supported the idea, hoping to help out.

They were getting a medium sized apartment together, both well aware that there would be a few issues from there on out. Only children dreamt of perfection. Everyone had agreed to help them move in though, carrying boxes and waiting for the after party filled with drinking and jokes. But even the fun couldn't come smoothly.

"I'm keeping it," Gokudera insisted.

"It's idiotic!" Hibari retorted.

Of course the two still argued. The right-hand man couldn't help but argue. Hibari didn't mind it much though since they always made up in just the way he wanted.

"What are you supposed to do with a collection of fake alien ectoplasm?"

"None of it's fake! It's authentic from Area 51 itself!"

"Hayato…"

"Kyoya!"

They glared at each other – leaving Ryohei and Yamamoto, who carried a box labeled "Ectoplasm Collection" in an awkward position.

* * *

After shit and hellfire. After death and heartbreak. After distrust and misplaced trust. After deceiving and masterful acting. After pretending to know and faking forgetting. After painful years of loneliness and harboring heavy unrequited feelings. He felt he'd won. And so did his lover. There was just one more thing to swear to ensure there would be no more anger, isolation, being left unprotected. Just one more step.

That night, the young gay couple slept in _their_ bed together for the first time. Like newlyweds. Half awake, Gokudera snuggled close to the other man.

"I love you," he murmured.

"I love you too."

"…really?"

The taller man wrapped his arms around his lover and answered, "I do."

* * *

**The End. Hope you enjoyed it. :)**


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